The Man Who Cheated Himself

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1

[KNOCKING]

WOMAN:
Howard?

Yes?

WOMAN:
Let me in.

Just a minute.

WOMAN:
Have you been

going through my desk?

Your desk?

I never go through

your desk, darling.

Why is that door locked?

I wasn't expecting the

pleasure of a visit.

Howard, I'm not used to being...

Locked out in your own home.

I know.

Your house, your roof, your

bedroom... I just sleep here.

My apologies.

You're an ingrate, Howard.

And weak.

I'll pity you after

I get my divorce.

And when, may I

ask, will that be?

I'm signing it next week.

[INAUDIBLE]

Why a fire on an

afternoon like this?

What were you burning?

Old love letters.

Charlotte?

Helen?

They're too smart to write.

Incidentally, thanks for not

stopping my bank account.

At least I could buy a

plane ticket to Seattle.

That's why I left it.

Of course.

Gives your new boyfriend

much more latitude.

Who is he, by the way?

When did you pick him up?

Three years of misery too late.

Good bye, Angel.

And don't forget to

change your will.

You'd hate yourself on

your little pink cloud

If you accidentally

left anything to me.

MAN:
Police department.

Lieutenant Cullen,

homicide division.

[PHONE RINGING]

Homicide.

Detective Cullen.

LOIS:
Is this Cullen?

No, no.

Lieutenant Cullen's

busy right now.

This is his brother.

Who's calling?

[CLICK]

What'd the chief say?

Well?

Go on.

I'm saddled with you.

Maybe you shouldn't

have sold him

On taking me off Market Street.

I've got you as of now.

That's your desk

you're sitting on.

You've got one week till your

honeymoon, starting Tuesday.

[CHUCKLING]

The chief hopes I can teach

you something, but I doubt it.

So do I. At least

we'll be figuring

A case from two

different angles.

Here.

For me?

Open it.

One of mine?

Janet wanted one of your

baby shoes like Mom had.

We'll put them

both on the mantle.

Thanks, Ed.

There's a lot of Market

Street mileage on these.

I'm gonna rest my

dogs for a year.

Rest them on your honeymoon.

You got plenty of legwork

when you get back.

Oh, a gal called

you a minute ago.

Who?

I don't know.

She hung up.

What'd she say?

Nothing.

Wouldn't be the one, would it?

What one?

The one that's been under

your skin the past few months.

Look, Ed, I know it's

none of my business.

You've always played your

women pretty close to the vest.

But why don't you find a

girl that's good for you,

Like Janet is for

me, settle down?

Reforming me?

Fat chance.

This one's good for me.

She's no good, but

that's the way it is.

All right.

You don't have to

tell me her name.

See you later.

Right.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

ED (ON PHONE):
Hello?

Oh, Ed, I've been

trying to reach you.

You know you're not

supposed to call me here.

Ed, I've got to see you.

Come right over.

Hurry.

Why, to have a drink

with your husband?

Oh, no no no.

He's gone to the airport.

He's flying to Seattle.

Listen to me.

He bought a gun.

He's planning to kill me.

I know it.

There can't be any other reason.

Wait a minute.

You don't make sense.

He's gone to Seattle, but

he's going to kill you?

He is.

He's never had anything

to do with guns before.

I can't find it, but

there was an inspection

Slip on the floor in his room.

He must've burned the wrappings.

He had the door locked.

Please, Ed.

Please.

OK, I'll be over

as soon as I can.

Hey!

You with the blue coupe.

Hi, Janet.

What happened?

You got a week,

starting Tuesday.

Wonderful!

What would Andy and

I do without you?

You'll find out.

See ya.

Ed, stop ducking every

time we try to thank you.

With that new salary, now

we can have an apartment.

What were you gonna

do with the mug

Before, bed him

down in your studio?

Keep him in the closet.

Come on, celebrate with me.

Ham and eggs.

Sorry.

I got some business.

Blonde or brunette?

ANDY:
Hiya, beautiful.

What's that?

Have you been playing

Santa Claus again?

Something for the living room.

You can put flowers in it.

See ya, Ed!

Hi.

How's my working gal?

Happy.

I like Ed.

Well, you're marrying

into a mighty fine family.

Part of the plan.

If anything happens to

you, I'll have a spare.

[CHUCKLING]

[DOORBELL]

Ed, you took so long.

The servants are out.

I'm alone.

I've been so frightened, Ed.

Stop shaking.

You're all right.

I found the gun.

I'll show it to you.

Maybe he bought it for me.

And that's not all I found.

See this?

There was a letter from

my lawyer about a will.

I know he's seen

it, because he put

It back in a different place.

He's planning something.

What am I going to do?

First, pour yourself

a drink and calm down.

Calm down?

Is it a nice, calm

feeling knowing

That someone's

plotting to kill you?

Oh... it turns my

stomach when once I

Believed that he loved me.

Oh, what a fool I am.

He was in love, all right,

with money... my money.

He wished for it.

He adored it.

He loved it so much he was

ready to murder to keep it.

It's murder, don't you see?

That's what it is, murder.

You're a big girl now.

Cut out the tantrums.

You're the only one.

Now, where's that gun?

I'll get it.

Mix us a drink, will you?

There's brandy on the table.

Here it is.

No, Howard.

It isn't there.

I found it.

Lois, give me that gun.

You did come back to kill me!

[GUNFIRE]

Have you gone crazy?

I didn't know what I was doing.

I didn't mean it.

Hospital.

Get him to the hospital.

Two slugs in the chest.

I didn't know what I was doing.

I saw the balcony door open.

What do we do?

I haven't anyone else.

He drove me to it.

Well, you know that, Ed.

Well, you know what

he was planning.

He was planning to murder me.

Think of something.

You know the truth.

The truth can get you 20 years.

Ed, are you going to arrest me?

OPERATOR:
Operator.

Operator, get me the

municipal airport.

United Airline.

I'm trying to locate

Mr. Howard Frazer

Flying tonight to Seattle.

Has he picked up his ticket?

Frazer?

No, it's still here.

What time is he leaving?

11:
50.

Shall I page him for you?

No, thank you.

He's probably still in town.

A chance.

Will it help me?

Oh, Ed, you won't

get into trouble.

Not if I can get him

back to the airport.

Airport?

If you set up an

alibi for himself,

It's going to work for you.

Checked his bag at the airport,

parked his car in the garage.

A parking ticket would show

he didn't use it again.

But he got killed and

robbed at the airport.

Too bad he didn't stay

in the bar instead

Of wandering around

outside in the dark.

Enough nerve to help me

down to the car with him?

The night watchman.

Private patrol.

Get my hat and coat.

Get back inside.

Take a sedative.

Whatever happens,

you don't know.

Go to bed.

Hey, wait a minute.

There's a third slug.

Don't let anyone in

that room until you've

Found the bullet hole

and covered it up.

Excuse me, do you know

whether we can reach

The main airport

buildings this way?

Could you please

tell me if we can

Get to the main

buildings this way?

Well, really.

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