The Mirror Crack'd Page #2

Thank you very much!

Isn't it exciting?

- You know, Wendy...

- Yes, I know, you met her once.

Oh!

Major, ladies, we'd be honoured

if you'd join us for refreshments.

- Yes, indeed. Most kind.

- We'd be delighted, wouldn't we?

She's so beautiful.

But not much of a shot, is she?

Oh, thank you, my friends.

My new, dear, wonderful, sweet friends,

thank you.

Marina.

Jason's screaming for you,

your guests are piling up.

Oh, but I'm having such fun.

Try a little restraint.

Perhaps I could borrow some of yours.

We seem to be sharing

so much these days.

Now, boys and girls,

on your marks.

Ready, steady, 90!

Roy! Come here. Come here, Roy!

Come here, boy. Come along.

That's a good boy. Sit. There.

Freddie Hawkins! Would you

kindly take control of your dog?

You know perfectly well

he should be held on his lead.

Sorry, Miss Marple.

Roy! Roy!

Oh, Miss Marple!

Oh, goodness. Are you alright?

That'll teach me to be dogmatic.

- Can I have one?

- Thank you very much.

- Can I have a spoon?

- Here's a spoon.

I assure you, Dr Haydock,

I'm perfectly alright.

Perhaps you'd care

to join the egg-and-spoon race.

It's just about to start.

- You had a nasty fall.

- Nonsense! I'm not even shaken.

In fact, I'm amazed nothing's broken.

You got away with just a sprain.

I never did discover

the secret of your bone structure.

Long brisk walks as a young woman,

I expect.

Well, you're not walking anywhere

for a few days.

I'll run you back in my car. That's it.

I'll fill you in on all the gossip

you'll miss up at the hall

- when I call round to see you tomorrow.

- Gossip?

I prefer to call it

a healthy interest in human nature.

- Cherry.

- Yes, Mr Bates.

See to that lot upstairs, will you?

They're doing their best

to drink us dry.

I'm afraid, Miss Gregg,

that it would seem that our committee

have always felt

that your films are a little,

how shall I say,

risqu for our monthly soire

in the village hall.

- How sweet of you.

- Your lemonade, Vicar.

Oh, thank you. Most kind.

Marina honey, the mayor is upstairs.

I think you should...

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Do excuse me.

- Yes.

Excuse me.

Is this your first visit to

the United Kingdom, Mr Rudd?

Why, no, I've been...

Oh, what a divine necklace!

Well done, Mr Rudd.

First-rate show.

Ah, Mrs Babcock.

Mrs Babcock is our untiring secretary.

The Women's Institute

would be quite lost without her.

I'm sure she's been wonderful.

Now, Miss Giles. How about your cat?

- I keep forgetting its name.

- Matthew.

- That's right!

- Your dear wife had a cat.

Yes, but it always

suffered from eczema.

Carrots. Mashed carrots

and a little warm milk works wonders.

Marina? Mrs Babcock, Miss Gregg.

Miss Gregg, Mrs Babcock.

- Mrs Babcock, lovely to see you.

- Oh, Miss Gregg.

I know this is very silly,

and I'm sure you don't remember,

not with all the millions of people

you meet...

No, no, no, of course not,

How could you? It was ages ago.

It was during the war.

I was in Plymouth in the Wrens

and you came over to entertain

all those marvellous Gls.

Oh, I remember it so well,

just like it was yesterday.

I told you I lost my borage,

last year in the frost?

I'm sorry about that.

You know what to do, don't you?

Cut it right down to the ground

in the...

Oh, Mr Rudd, I understand

that you are a film producer.

- No, sir. A director.

- ls there any difference?

Yes, sir. The producer supplies

all the money, the director spends it.

Then the producer yells at the director

for spending too much money,

the director doesn't pay attention

and goes on spending.

The director gets the credit,

the producer gets an ulcer.

It's all very simple. Excuse me.

- It's Lola Brewster!

- It is?

Yes!

It is!

Miss Brewster!

Uh-oh. Mary Queen of Sluts

and Baby Bernhardt under the same roof.

That's all we need.

Miss Brewster,

look this way.

Oh, I was so thrilled.

Absolutely thrilled.

You were wearing that wonderful

blue sparkling dress.

Do you remember what you sang?

I'll Be Seeing You.

Oh, I was a mad fan of yours.

How sweet.

How absolutely, perfectly sweet.

Oh, but then

the most awful thing happened.

Or I thought it was awful.

I was terribly upset.

Do you mean to say

you actually met Clark Gable?

Is he married at the moment or is it

just a rumour that he's a lonely person?

- Jason.

- Is that the fellow with the big ears?

- Excuse me.

- Oh, Major.

- Lola's here.

- What?

- Marty brought her.

- Why in the hell did he bring her here?

I wasn't ill, just poorly.

You know what I mean?

Then I had this idea.

You see,

I didn't have a ticket or anything.

Save it for the Oscars.

But this is the most extraordinary part.

You'll never guess who my uncle was.

He was the stage door keeper.

Now isn't...

Jason, darling!

- My Svengali.

- Glad you could make it.

Where is sweet Marina?

Jason, baby. Nice spread you got here.

I ought to spread you across this room

for bringing her here.

Publicity, bubbie. That's what keeps

Martin N Fenn Productions in business.

I was in the theatre,

standing in the wings.

It was my first time there.

It was so exciting.

Oh, you were wonderful!

And when the curtain came down,

you gave me your autograph

and you let me kiss you.

Oh, yes, you did!

Oh, it was worth it a hundred times.

I've never forgotten it...

I do believe it was the most

exciting day of my life'

What a nice little story, dear.

Now what will you have to drink?

Jason makes a wonderful daiquiri,

you'll adore it.

Thank you.

Honey.

Oh, Jason, darling.

We'd like two of your special daiquiris.

Sure. Are you alright?

- I'm fine, Jinks.

- Are you sure?

Yes.

That's great.

Thanks, Miss Brewster.

Marina, darling! I didn't see you.

Why, Lola. What a delightful surprise.

You're looking as lovely as always.

Of course,

there are fewer lights on than usual.

In fact, any fewer

and I'd need a seeing-eye dog.

Oh, I shouldn't bother to buy one, dear.

In that wig you could play Lassie.

Same adorable sense of humour.

And I'm so glad to see you not

only kept your gorgeous figure,

but you've added so much to it.

What are you doing here so early, dear?

I thought the plastic surgery seminar

was in Switzerland.

Actually, darling, I couldn't wait

to begin our little movie.

You know the saying,

"Once an actress,

always an actress."

Oh, I do know the saying.

But what does it have to do with you?

Cute angel.

So do tell, how does it feel

to be back after being away so long?

Love your outfit, darling.

Drink, Mrs Babcock?

Mr Rudd is getting me one himself,

thank you.

What are you supposed to be,

a birthday cake?

Too bad everybody's had a piece.

- Can we have a big smile, ladies?

- Chin up, darling. Both of them.

A little bit closer, please, ladies.

Lola, dear, you know there really are

only two things I dislike about you.

Really? What are they?

- Your face.

- Thank you.

- One daiquiri special.

- Oh, thank you very much.

- I've never really tried one before.

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