The Mirror Has Two Faces

Notice the elegance of the proof.

It's beautiful!

It reminds me

of a quote from Socrates:

"If measure and symmetry are absent

from any composition, -

- the ruin awaits both the

ingredients and the composition."

"Measure and symmetry are beauty

and virtue the world over."

- Do you think he's straight?

- Yeah, he's too boring to be gay.

- Is it 5:
15?

- Yes, it is.

Thank you ...

I'm releasing you a half hour early

today. I have ... an appointment.

I'm giving a lecture on my new book

tonight. You are all welcome.

Thank you.

Rose, get that mask off your face.

It'll clog your pores.

You're going to be late.

It's almost seven o'clock.

You bum! Three million dollars

a year! For what?

Come on.

Just one more out.

- Barry Neufeld.

- Hi, it's Rose.

Hi ... Not again.

I think it's an allergic reaction

to something I ate.

- My throat's starting to close up.

- It sounds like you're dying.

- Sure you're not allergic to me?

- That's a terrible thing to think!

Every Manhattan restaurant hates me

for not keeping reservations.

Why don't you call me next week?

If you still want to.

- Feel better.

- Thank you. Bye.

- Should I start with a joke?

- No, there's not enough time.

- For what?

- To develop a sense of humour.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the author of "Absolute Truth", -

- Columbia's very own

Professor Gregory Larkin.

You're going to be fine.

Thank you. I'm honoured by this

warm and gracious welcome.

Being here, at the end of a journey,

I'm reminded of Descartes' words:

"Whether I am awake or asleep, two

and three will always make five."

"It does not seem possible that

such a truth can be questioned."

This book has taken me

over 14 years to write.

It is with sadness I say goodbye

to it consuming my days and nights.

And nights ...

And as I stand here ...

In coming up ...

summing up ...

Excuse me,

I'm feeling a little dizzy.

I thought it would feel differently.

I thought I'd know more. I don't.

I don't know anything, really.

Thank you all for coming.

What did I say?

It was fine, though you shouldn't

work for a suicide hotline.

- You did fine until Candice came.

- Don't start. I just forgot to eat.

It's natural. She left you what,

a year ago?

Thank God Candy left when she did,

or I'd never have finished the book.

You're a guy who can't have sex

and chew gum at the same time.

When I'm with someone, I tend

to get a little sidetracked.

- 14 years? Is that sidetracked?

- I bet she's still out there.

If I know Candice, she's out there.

She's out there.

Face her like a grown-up.

- Don't let me go home with her.

- It would be odd not to invite ...

Just don't let me go home with her.

Are you all right?

- It was the stupid wine. Hello.

- You look great.

I hope you don't mind me showing up

like this on your big night.

It's just that I've been

thinking so much about you lately.

- Do you want to go get a drink?

- I'd better not.

- A bite to eat?

- No, I'm not hungry.

- Do you want me to take you home?

- Okay.

- Good to see you, Henry.

- But Greg ...

- Don't leave. Aren't you staying?

- Well, we're done.

- I still have feelings for you.

- But I dumped you for another man.

- And I'm still sort of with Paul.

- I thought that was over.

He cheated. I wanted to feel better

about myself before I see him.

- That's why you're here?

- Well, yeah.

You were always a nice guy.

But let's face it, -

- we've nothing in common except

sex, and the fact you idolize me.

I really do care for you.

- I just can't wind up with you.

- Can I call you sometime?

What for?

- Are you going?

- No, I cancelled.

What do you want to do for dinner?

Make that pasta with artichokes.

Later we can figure out what to do

with your hair for Claire's wedding.

What is this?

Look at that.

The mating ritual

is both speedy and violent.

The lesser male often covers

the larger female.

If unsuccessful in mounting, the

male is often eaten by the female.

We're the girls of 1-400 Hot Talk.

Briana, Tina, Marla

and me:
Felicia.

Anything you want to talk about,

call me...

- I don't know where to begin.

- Are you lonely tonight, darling?

- So am I. What are you wearing?

- Nothing special.

- Can I ask you a question?

- I'm just wearing a towel.

I was drying myself off,

after a hot shower ...

Why do women leave?

Why do they leave? Especially

pretty ones. I can't do it any more.

Life is very complex.

There are no guarantees.

The mathematical world

is completely rational.

You think too much. Don't you want

to know how big my tits are?

No! I just want to share my life

with someone.

Someone

I'm not sexually attracted to.

How can two people come together

in lasting respect and affection?

- The world's run by sex ads.

- Take out your own ad, I guess.

An ad?

Look at me. I'm a grown woman

wearing a prom dress.

I look like an over-the-hill

Barbie doll. And it's too tight.

- I want something in my colour.

- Maids of honour don't wear black.

- Why aren't you wearing make-up?

- I am wearing make-up.

- You'd look good with a perm.

- Like Shirley Temple on crack.

Where is she? She can't stand that

I'm getting all the attention.

- We should've had her committed.

- For excessive vanity?

How wonderful! Two compassionate

daughters. No make-up today?

I am wearing make-up.

- What the hell are you wearing?

- It's an imitation Scassi.

- You're my mother, not the singer.

- I'll go home and change.

Stop it. We're late.

The priest is sweating.

All celibates sweat, dear.

If they didn't, they'd explode.

I bought a snack. If I sit through

this without eating, I'll pass out.

It'll only take 45 minutes.

Marrying outside your faith,

and on the sabbath ...

All I know about the sabbath is that

Bergdorff's isn't too crowded.

I want you to remember,

today is my day.

Behave, or I'll blow up your birth

certificate into a Christmas card.

I should have never

encouraged you to speak.

Maybe she'll look back

and turn into a pillar of salt.

Alex looks nervous.

- I hope I'm doing the right thing.

- I think you are.

The party is about to get started.

The dance floor is all yours!

Okay girls, lick your lips.

Tell Claire I'm looking for her.

Your husband's a lucky guy.

- Waiter! Can we have more dressing?

- We were separated at birth.

- Two more drinks, when you can.

- This looks delicious.

- I can't believe he's married.

- And that he chose Claire over you.

- I told you not to introduce them.

- She was married, I didn't think.

- How are you handling all this?

- No more fantasies of handsome men.

- There's a guy out there somewhere.

- Who? Barry Neufeldt?

What's wrong with him, other than

that he looks like Gumpy?

Gumby, not Gumpy.

- I'm no great prize, either.

- You're a great person and teacher.

I think I've reached the point where

you know you'll never get married.

Married? What's marriage? A ring,

a contract. Fighting, compromising.

It can be more than that. You know

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