The Missouri Breaks

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The first time I saw this country,

it had buffalo grass

and bluejoint up to the stirrups.

By the second year we had

8,000 Texas half-bred cattle

and over 3,500 volumes of

English literature in my library.

We just cut out

the unbranded stock

and divided 'em up between the outfits.

There was no arguin'

over mavericks like today.

You got it good today.

Two per cent annual loss then.

Now it's seven from rustling alone,

not to mention winterkill, calving loss,

miring down in the spring.

How many are you?

Mr Braxton, did you see they sew old boot

tops on the saddle to hold ammunition?

Pete, don't pester him

if he doesn't wanna be pestered.

Well, it'd just be awful nice

to know the whole story.

Well... it's beautiful country.

Yes, sir. It sure is.

You especially feel that now?

Yeah.

Sh, sh, sh.

I sure hope them sportin' ladies

don't get sunburned.

I like 'em white as pastry.

Ladies.

Are we all set here?

All set, Pete.

Shall we start the horse... or will you?

I will, sir.

Well, that's one of them.

His name was Sandy Chase and he came

here from Rhode Island with the army.

He was 24 years old.

We lost seven per cent of stock between

spring and fall last year, to rustlers.

You always mention the percentage.

I wonder why you do that.

This is my fourth frontier

and I know how they run.

I was in the California gold fields

before I was 18.

I was at the rush at Alder Gulch

and I went to South America.

These long ropers in the Missouri Breaks

are a mixed bag.

Barbers from Minneapolis,

failed grangers, Scandinavian half-breeds,

wolfers and woodcutters,

dishonest apprentices,

raftsmen, poisoners.

You give them a chance

and they'll waste everything.

You're astonished at my arrogance,

at not even having a trial, aren't you?

Then why don't you get over it?

Our situation has become

nearly as bad as it could be.

Honey, pull down Tristram Shandy again

for me, would you?

Daddy.

Excuse me.

Come on! Giddap! Yah!

Got the gate.

How'd she go, Tom?

Everybody else been back a day.

Brought in about 14 head

of the first-class order.

Yeah.

- Hey.

- Hey.

How was Wyoming?

It was fine.

Spent a couple of days in KC trying to

keep from associating with criminals.

Why, they've hit the Union Pacific

down there so many times

the place has begun to look like

a lawmen's convention.

They got two Pinkerton in KC

and I do believe one of 'em

was the legendary Charlie Siringo.

Did he claim to be a border cowboy?

Can't remember.

Said he could talk Mexican.

Yeah, that's him.

How'd you know it was a detective?

Rancher's wife wanting to go to bed

with him. He kept givin' her a "no".

Damned if I can understand that.

- Well, I took care of her, Cal.

- You did that, huh?

You're damn sure.

Had a good time too, thank you.

Did you?

Spent the night in Martinsdale.

Couldn't get no credit at the whorehouse,

so I picked up this chubby little girl

off some sodbuster's outfit.

Yeah... How was she?

About like a Swiss clock. Same exact

movement over and over again.

Yeah.

- It was Sandy, huh?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Sandy's gone. He's dead.

David Braxton's foreman...

What's his name, Cary?

- Pete Marker.

- Pete Marker.

...caught him and they hung him.

Goddamn it.

I knew somebody's bunch

wasn't in that corral.

Little Tod was in town.

Everybody was at the hanging.

- How'd Sandy go out?

- Pretty good. Pretty good.

They hung him up on a cottonwood,

though, and he sort of...

He sort of what?

Sort of strangled for a while.

Braxton was there dressed in a suit.

- Lookin' like God.

- Hah!

Goddamn.

I'll tell you, the first time I met Sandy...

Listen at this, now.

The first time I met Sandy,

he was rustling on his own.

He had a stolen cavalry pony

and he kept this dog.

As soon as he killed a steer, he'd cut

the brand off and feed it to the dog.

He said to get enough

evidence to convict him

they'd have to pick through

the dog's sh*t for a week

before they could find the brand.

My aunt ran a laundry in St Paul.

Got strangled by a Chinaman

while she's washing her dog.

It's easy to die. Easy!

Well, they sure killed Sandy.

He was the only comedian in this outfit.

Every outfit oughta have a comedian.

You can't run that many rustled horses

across open ground.

I know I've been saying that.

But you can't.

What do we do, Tom? Open up a stand

and sell stolen horses over the counter?

No. We gotta get a relay ranch

halfway across

so as we got somewheres

to relay 'em at.

- That's right.

- That's just really great.

Only we ain't got a ranch.

We ain't got no money!

The only horses we got are out there.

We can't move them across the breaks

without everybody knowing.

Let's just stick up the NP Railroad

and buy a ranch.

Hell, let's rob a bank.

If we're gonna get hung for rustlin' horses,

we oughta be robbin' trains.

Why don't you boys join

that Hole-in-the-Wall bunch

and you'll be around people

that think like that?

Boy, a couple of years ago they'd have

put Sandy in Red Lodge penitentiary,

weavin' bridles.

Seems like there's

something new in the air.

I bet you Marker'll bait crows with Sandy

for a week before he'll cut him down.

I worked for that son of a b*tch once

on the reservation roundup.

He will leave Sandy in the trees.

When we was fightin' in Kansas,

we had relays all over the damn place.

We relayed a cousin of mine

all the way from Medicine Tree

to the hot springs in New Mexico.

He beat the telegraph.

Took the detectives two years to cover

the same ground he'd covered in a week.

And when they got there

he was in his grave up on the Chama.

Why was you havin' to move

this cousin around so much?

He did card tricks.

I get it.

He done a trick for this n*gger on

the Chama. The n*gger throttled him.

Mm-hm. I see.

Say, Cal...

Why don't we put that relay

in Braxton's backyard?

Yeah.

It beats sendin' three or four horses

at a time out into Kansas.

The law there is pretty effective now.

I get a kick out of Little Tod.

He says we oughta rob a train.

No...

I'm tired, Cal.

I'm gonna turn in.

Tomorrow we have a nice day.

Too bad about Sandy.

All right, move over there. Move, move!

I want you to uncouple that car. Hurry up!

I can't do it. I'm not sure I'm able to do it.

Just get down there and pull the pin out.

- I'm a clerk. I'm not mechanical.

- Hurry up. Hurry up.

Whoo-hoo!

- Get the money out. What's your name?

- Nelson.

Nelson, you do this right,

you can say you've seen Jesse James

and lived to tell the story.

You're not Jesse James.

You ain't Charlie Siringo.

Just give me the money, Nelson.

- I'm not permitted to touch this.

- Gimme the goddamn money.

Whoa!

Gee!

- Don't start blamin' me.

- I am blamin' you.

This is it on trains. This is it.

God Almighty.

This is it. No more trains, Tod.

- I just don't wanna get blamed.

- Sh...

We got it! It's all over the place.

Yahoo!

We got it.

- You need some help?

- Just pick up the money, goddamn it.

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