The Moustache

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What if I shaved my moustache off?

What?

What would you say

if I shaved my moustache off?

No idea. I like you with it.

I don't know you without it.

How can you stand such a hot bath?

We have to get going soon.

I said we'd be there at 8:30.

That way, we won't be back late.

I'm going to the supermarket

to get stuff for breakfast.

- Can you put the CD back to the start?

- Yes.

"LA MOUSTACHE"

Still in that bath?

No, I'm dressing.

Why didn't you let me in?

I couldn't find my key.

My shoelace broke.

- Found some others?

- Other what?

Shoelaces.

No, I switched shoes.

Marc.

Can you bring me a towel, please?

Listen, Marc...

I'm not against the idea,

but we're running so late.

Isn't it too sexy

for my goddaughter's birthday?

They like my tarty look.

Do you? You haven't said.

Yes, I like it.

Sh*t, I wanted that space.

- We'll never find a space.

- Yes, we will.

Believe me, we won't.

- What's so funny?

- You.

I usually hate angry drivers,

but I adore you.

You know what?

Go on up while I park the car.

Why? I'll stay with you.

I don't mind.

Go ahead, I'll catch up.

You're sure?

I forgot Lara's present.

- Know the door code?

- Yes.

Hi.

Come on in.

No more kisses.

After 15 years of kissing guys,

I've had enough.

What's up?

- Hi, Marc.

- Good evening.

Hello, Lara.

Aren't you saying hello?

Don't you recognize him?

I do. He's Marc.

Bravo.

Why "bravo"?

I don't know.

I wanted to say "bravo," so I said "bravo".

Ah merde...

I like it... your hair.

Thanks.

- Serge warned me.

- Warned you?

He told me about your hair.

But I'd have noticed anyway.

Got nothing against garlic?

Off to bed, sweetheart.

Brush your teeth.

That's not what happened.

It is.

Not at all.

You're so two-faced, Agns.

You can't help it.

Remember the radiators?

Where did Marc go?

What radiators?

Well, what radiators?

The radiators...

One day, about 10 years ago,

Agns and I spent a weekend with some

people we knew vaguely, in Burgundy.

Three couples, walks in the forest,

errands in the village, an open fire.

A nightmare.

It was winter.

On arriving, they explained over and over

that they couldn't heat all the rooms

unless the radiators were on low.

If not, the fuses would blow.

That night, this young lady ignored orders

and put the heating in our room on high.

The fuses blew.

We changed the fuses.

We had a lecture from our host...

- Christian, right?

- I don't remember.

Anyway, on the second night,

we were playing Scrabble by the fire.

Agns went up to bed before us.

The fuses didn't blow.

Everyone thought she'd gotten the message.

But when we went up too,

we were horrified to find

that it was minus 5 in every room,

while ours was like a sauna.

Everything was crystal clear.

She'd turned the other radiators off

to put ours on full.

Okay, this far, you could say

she was just being cheeky.

But the best part

was when we asked her for an explanation.

She denied everything emphatically.

We kept asking her.

We proved it had to be her,

and she never confessed.

And that's what I admire, because you won't

even admit on your deathbed

you turned those radiators off.

Because I didn't turn them off.

Who turned them off, then?

I don't know, but it wasn't me.

Nadia!

Nadia!

Serge doesn't seem happy.

He has to make a mockery

of everything all the time.

Pathetic, isn't it?

Did Nadia talk to you?

Stop.

Stop what?

The dinner post-mortem:

Serge's mental state, his despair.

I don't give a sh*t.

Find another subject, then.

What do you want to talk about?

Stop it, will you?

What's the matter?

Did I say something that upset you?

We can talk. We talk, don't we?

I want you to stop.

The joke's gone on long enough.

I'm sick of it now, so stop.

Stop the car.

Pull over.

Explain.

Don't say you haven't noticed.

Noticed what?

Tell me.

- Is it that hard to say?

- No, it isn't.

I just shouldn't have to say it.

My moustache.

Can't you feel something missing?

What?

I've shaved my moustache off.

I don't understand.

Are you asleep?

No.

What are you thinking about?

Your moustache, of course.

You know, in the car earlier,

I thought...

if you carried on, I'd get really scared.

I got scared.

You carried on.

Please stop it. It scares me.

So don't start again.

You're the one starting again.

Stop it!

Agns.

It doesn't matter.

Look at me.

I've shaved it off, but I can grow it back.

Why are you doing this?

You know you've never had a moustache!

If it had gone, Serge and Nadia

would have noticed.

You went up first.

You realize what you're saying?

Give me the phone.

Nadia, it's Agns.

Sorry to wake you, but I have a question.

I'm sleeping.

Was Marc different tonight?

No.

Had his moustache gone?

What do you mean?

Suppose I'd asked you to deny

he'd had a moustache when he'd had one.

I don't follow you.

Never mind.

I just want you to answer one question.

- Has Marc ever had a moustache?

- No.

You sound like you're having fun,

but we're trying to get some sleep here.

You warned them.

Listen, I have a long day tomorrow.

I'm taking a sleeping pill.

Agns?

I'm sleeping!

Morning.

Hi.

Okay?

This gives you the geometric axis.

Right!

I'll try again.

I'll go out and come back in.

Look at me this time.

Okay? In shape?

- A quick coffee?

- No, a coffee.

Not a quick coffee. A coffee.

Incredible.

- Sorry?

- Nothing.

- What are you doing?

- Obviously, having a coffee.

You said you'd be back then...

Then I had a coffee.

Fine. I'll have one, too.

You're odd this morning.

Did you have a fight?

Haven't you noticed?

Sure. I've noticed you're odd.

Let's get to work.

The advantage is we're dealing

with neophytes and experts.

The message changes,

but not the words and visuals.

I like that idea.

Of course. Whatever you want.

No, Monday isn't possible.

We're on a tight deadline.

- You're a jerk.

- You notice that?

Of course I notice.

How long has it been?

Three years since you both quit.

All that effort. It's totally dumb.

Want to come and eat?

Got the photos for your badge?

No, I forgot. Tomorrow.

Go for it.

That's good!

Go on, pass!

Pass to the center!

- Score!

- Okay?

Fine, but we're losing.

I got sushi if you want.

I just had some.

These are delicious.

They'll score again before the end.

There's some wasabi there.

There. It's over. A disaster.

I'm disappointed.

Really disappointed.

Men who hate football are so boring.

You've been smoking?

Yes, I've been smoking.

That's pathetic.

Look!

What's that smell?

Look at this!

What is this, huh?

Marc!

- You're mad.

- What is it?

You're mad.

Don't touch me!

I'm not lying to you, Marc.

I've never lied to you.

I know.

That's the worst part.

You really believe you had a moustache?

Should I see a psychiatrist?

We don't know any psychiatrists.

I think we need to get help, yes.

You weren't going to say good-bye?

I didn't want to wake you.

Are you working all weekend?

Not tomorrow, I hope.

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