The Muppets' Wizard of Oz Page #3

- I'm your agent, OK. I'm your agent.

- When did I make you my agent?

Well, since you're asking,

I thought possibly what we could do is...

- Come on, short stuff.

- (muffled talking)

(Dorothy) I wish you'd stop

with this whole agent thing.

Yes, yes, I know.

It's very awkward for you, OK.

But I think it's very important

that we discuss my commission.

So, it seems that 50 percent is easiest.

I think I liked it better

when you couldn't talk.

(laughs)

Well, you think about it, OK.

Take your time.

I'm gonna get some corn.

It's fresh on the cobs, OK.

(laughs)

- What are you doing?

- What?

You didn't by chance see that movie

The Passion, huh?

- No, so don't ruin the ending.

- No, that's not what...

- Personally, I liked The Birds.

- Figures.

- Hey, you got something in your eye.

- What?

- This! Yah! Yah! Yah!

- Hey, stop that!

You!

- Hey, stop that!

- (laughs)

- Hey!

- Oh, this is the last straw!

- No, I see one right here.

- Stop that!

- Get our grubby beak off him!

- Huh?

(cuckoo clock chirping)

Cuckoo!

- You OK?

- Huh? What?

Oh, I'm fine. But lucky for that crow

you showed up when you did

'cause I was gonna come off

of these sticks and I was gonna...

I was... uh...

Yeah, thanks. I think I owe you one.

Name's Scarecrow.

I'm Dorothy. And that's Toto.

Mm-mm. Hola! Um...

- You got any butter?

- Oh, what the hey?

Go ahead and eat the corn.

Better you than the birds.

I'm the worst scarecrow ever,

but what can I do?

I'm tied to a job

I'm no good at... literally.

Well, if you ask me,

I think it's time for a career change.

No, no. I can't do that.

I'm not good at anything because...

(whispers)... I don't have a brain.

- You don't have a brain?

- Right.

- Why are you whispering?

- What?

Uh... well, I can't really

answer that because...

- I don't have a brain.

- Well, let's get you down from there.

Now why didn't I think of that?

Oh, right. No brain. Whoa!

- Oh, why, thank you, Dorothy.

- You're welcome, Scarecrow.

(burps)

- This was me.

- Ugh!

What? What?

You can smell it?

You know, we're on our way

to meet the Wizard of Oz

and he's gonna make me

a superstar singer.

And if he can do that,

I bet he can give you a brain.

If I had a brain, I wouldn't be stupid.

And if I wasn't stupid,

I'd be able to do something important.

You know,

something that helps people's lives.

Well, how about it, then?

Will you come with us to Emerald City

to meet the wizard?

Emerald? You mean, it's green?

- You bet! I like it already.

- I can't believe.

- Thank you.

- I can't believe.

She's got to pick up every

Tom, Dick and Carlos on the road, OK.

- This is totally unacceptable, OK.

- These shoes are killing me.

Totally unacceptable. Come on, come on.

Quit busting my shell, OK.

My client is A-list now,

she deserves the A-list monies, OK.

Will you knock it off!

You're not an agent.

- And the cell phone isn't even real.

- What?

It's a candy dispenser.

Listen, I'm gonna have to call you back.

The diva's having a meltdown, OK.

- Ooh! Cinnamints.

- Hey, do you hear that?

- (engine)

- Sounds like it's coming from over there.

- "T-I-N."

- Wonder what that means.

Maybe, "trust in no one. "

It could be a sign.

Yeah, there's another sign:

"Danger. High Voltage. "

Wonder what that means? Hm.

(doorcreaks)

Hello?

- Look! Look at all the computers, OK.

- Yeah.

Is there somebody in that chair?

There's somebody in that chair!

Dios mo! He's twitching, he's twitching.

- Think he's stuck?

- You think he needs our help?

Do you think he could check my e-mails?

Maybe we should press this restart button.

(computers humming)

Hey! Hey.

Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh!

Welcome to the Total Intelligence Network.

"TIN" for short.

Ooh!

Wow, I must have froze up

trying to run too many programs.

What in the name

of all that is holy are you, OK?

Oh, I'm a Tin Thing. A fully-robotic

information-gathering device

for the Wicked Witch of the West, and

I can answer any question in the universe.

- Anything.

- I got one.

Why are the women so confusing, OK?

Let me process that. Huh!

(grunting)

(sighs)

It only seems that way

because men are so simple.

- Wow. He is a clever unit.

- Hm.

Yeah, you know, I'd give my stuffed foot

for half of your brains.

Take it from me,

brains don't make you happy.

I'm nothing but a brain,

thanks to the Wicked Witch.

- She made you like this?

- Did she ever!

When I was a young research assistant,

I made the mistake of asking for a vacation

so I could marry

the love of my life - Camilla.

(Toto) She's a chicken? Weirdo.

And the Wicked Witch got so angry

she waved her wand and ka-blowie!

Next thing I know,

I'm a walking, talking robotic... thing.

Oh!

- That's terrible.

- Yeah, she could have just said no.

Yeah, but why did she

turn you into a robot?

- Because...

- (hollow knock)

...robots don't have hearts, and without

a heart, I couldn't love Camilla.

And without Camilla,

I could work day and night. (sighs)

Well, nice talking to you.

Back to work.

- Um, excuse me.

- Mm? Huh?

We're on our way to see the Wizard of Oz

and he's gonna make me a famous singer.

Yeah, and he's gonna give me a brain.

S, and he probably give me

lots of monies, OK.

And if he can do that,

I'm sure he can give you a heart.

Really? Well, I'm sure if I had a heart

I could win Camilla back.

- Yeah!

- Maybe I will go with you.

All right, well, let's go!

All right!

(screams)

(grunts)

Oh!

- Are you OK?

- Sure, I just forgot to untether. (laughs)

I don't get out much.

OK. Oh, where's my cell phone?

Ah!

(beeps)

- OK.

- OK.

Let's go.

- Wait a second. That's your cell phone?

- Yeah.

Interesting. What do these do?

- (squeaking)

- Nothing. They're my nipples.

(moans)

(yells)

I feel dirty!

What a weirdo.

(hoots)

(animals yelping)

- This creepy forest goes on forever.

- (all) You can say that again.

Anyone know how much further?

My feet are killing me.

- I gotta sit down.

- (Toto) S, me too. Scoot over.

Oh, boy.

These shoes may be magical,

but they're not so comfortable.

S, they can put a trailer in Munchkinland

but they can't make a magic shoe

that's comfortable.

Go figure.

(log) Ouch!

This place is crazy. Even the logs talk.

Hm?

- Uh, Dorothy?

- Yeah?

What is?

- What do you? Lion?

- Shrimp?

- No, prawn.

- Oh, prawn.

(both scream)

Toto!

(continue screaming)

- (Lion) Get... off...

- OK.

...my...

- Oh!

...tail!

- OK!

(screaming)

Hey!

Get your paws off my prawn!

Please don't hit me.

Take anything you want.

Here, my wallet.

It's Velcro. Take it.

Well, look at you.

You're nothing but a big coward.

So are you going to eat me or not?

- Eat you? Why would we do that?

- Don't you work for...

She Who Must Not Be Named?

- Who?

- Oh!

You mean the Wicked Witch of the West?

No, we don't even like her.

B- b-b-because we love her so much!

(laughs)

Are you crazy? The Wicked Witch

of the West has spies everywhere.

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