The Night They Raided Minsky's Page #2

I find your sketches to be lewd

and several of the dance numbers

to contain suggestive movements.

Well, be specific.

I beg your pardon, miss.

You dropped your purse.

Oh, thank you.

And all my money's in here, too.

Well, to show you my appreciation,

you can meet me round the corner

in a half an hour.

Meet me round the corner

in a half an hour.

Meet me round the corner

in a half an hour.

Hey, fellas, did you hear what she said?

She said I could meet her

round the corner in a half an hour.

Well, for one thing,

the ladies all jiggle.

Well, they're girls.

They're supposed to jiggle.

- Where do they jiggle, Fowler?

- On the stage.

What parts of them jiggle on the stage?

Well, they... They jiggle their...

- You know perfectly well what parts!

- Yeah, but I like to hear the words.

Don't think I don't recognize you,

Trim Houlihan.

I see you on these premises

all the time,

ogling the dancers,

being titillated by their...

I wouldn't want you to miss

seeing the parts that titillate me most.

You were sixteen

- You were sixteen

- You were sixteen

My village queen

- My village queen

- My village queen

Excuse me, miss,

but you dropped your purse.

Oh, thank you.

And my money's all here, too.

To show you my appreciation,

you can meet me round the corner...

Jump on some thin ice, will you?

You, well, you're ruining me,

you know that?

A few more items, Mr. Minsky.

One more uncouth scene,

another vulgar gesture

and I'll have enough for a raid. A raid!

...in a half an hour!

Hey, fellas, did you hear what she said?

She said I could

meet her round the corner

in a half an hour.

Meet her round the corner

in a half an hour.

Meet her round the corner

in a half an hour.

- Better keep an eye on him.

- You were wonderful funny.

- Was I?

- Oh, Raymond.

- This is Miss Rachel...

- Schpitendavel.

- Schpit?

- ...endavel.

- From Smoketown, Pennsylvania.

- Come here for to be a dancer.

- "For to be a dancer"?

- I studied with Miss Hornsmeier.

- Harriet Hornsmeier?

- Oh, Harriet Hornsmeier, of course.

- I'm some handy for dancing.

- I'll bet.

Hey, what kind of dancing you handy for?

I dance stories from the Bible.

From the Bible?

It's a book civilians read on Sundays.

Raymond, am I funny-looking?

You know, I mean, well...

When I leave the room,

did a short, funny guy just walk out?

You met a girl.

Chick, my boy, when it comes to girls,

you have three qualities that are far

worse than being short and funny-looking.

You have the curse of the three "D"s.

You are decent, devoted and dependable.

Good qualities in a dog,

disastrous in a man.

Women like bastards.

- No wonder they love you!

- Yes. I'm a BFC. Bastard First Class.

Hey, Chick, come on down!

That's a hell of a place

to have a dressing room, isn't it?

It's disgraceful!

A man like you should have a suite!

From head to toe you're a gentleman

I don't care what they say

Mornings and evenings

impeccably dressed

Stains on your tie

match the soup on your vest

From stem to stern you're a gentleman

That's what drives the girls mad

Breeding and quality, touch of frivolity

You're a superior lad

Hold it!

- Hey, you can take this girl out tonight.

- Tonight?

Yeah. You can hug her and kiss her

and buy her a few drinks

and take her up to your apartment

and she'd show you a wonderful time.

But you're not going to!

And do you know why not?

- Why not?

- Because she's not good enough for you.

From head to toe you're a gentleman

See you later.

Men like you need the best

She seemed pretty good to me!

Clothing like yours

is a feast for the eyes

I could've had a bit of luck there!

Tailors grow pale

when they see you walk by

From nose to toes, hey, you're beautiful

Hollywood, here you come

Up on that movie screen

kissing that movie queen

Who's gonna know you're a bum?

Hey!

False.

False?

False.

False?

From head to toe I'm a gentleman

Where's my top hat and cane?

Women go crazy 'cause I'm hard to get

If they don't love me

they ain't met me yet

When I walk by like a gentleman

Everyone says, "Who's he?

"Look at that cane and hat

What an aristocrat

"Breeding and quality,

touch of frivolity"

I look around and it's me

Yes, sir, a real gentleman.

I can see you now, getting up in

the morning in your magnificent mansion.

- Magnificent mansion?

- Yes, and then you open your closet door

and get out your beautiful

white silk shirt.

- Beautiful white silk shirt?

- And then you open your closet door

and get out your beautiful

pearl-gray morning coat.

Pearl-gray morning coat!

And then you open your closet door

and get your ascot.

- I get my ascot?

- Yes, and then you tie it in a knot.

In a knot?

And then you stick it

with a diamond stick-pin.

I stick it?

Absolutely, and do you know why?

Because you are a gentleman.

Oh, it ain't worth it!

From head to toe I'm a masterpiece

You should hang in the Louvre

When I drink tea, now

I don't lick the spoon

And I always stick my pinky up

when I dunk my Lorna Doone

Well, it's plain to see

you're a gentleman

If I say it, it's true

Look in that looking glass

All you will see is class

I've got that certain style

Boy, it sticks out a mile

Man of propriety

Toast of society

- Regular gent through and through

- Regular gent through and through

Hey, tell me about the girl.

Oh, forget it. There was no girl.

What were you saying about Billy?

Billy's gonna lose the theater.

Vance Fowler's got him stopped.

We've gotta do something

about it, haven't we?

We'll all be out of work.

Places, everybody. First Act finale!

- Oh, he'll think of something.

- Oh, sure.

Hey, wait a minute.

- I think I got it.

- Got what?

The Fowler solution.

Fowler says he's gonna call a raid

if the show gets more suggestive.

So what if he thinks we got the hottest

little cooch artist in the world,

and he calls out the cops?

Well, think of it!

Vance Fowler all set to protect

the public from flagrant indecency

and out comes a kid

who dances stories from the Bible!

- They'd strangle the poor creep!

- Yeah!

- Another comic, maybe?

- Spats! Not that again!

Hey, Billy, don't go away.

I got a great idea! Hey, you, wait.

- That Bible dance you do, how does it go?

- Oh, very well, thank you.

No, I mean, what do you do?

- I do Eve in the Garden of Eden.

- No belly work in it, is there?

- Belly work?

- I didn't think so.

- Props?

- An apple and a snake.

Ask a simple question... Music?

Oh, The Barcarolle

from Tales of Hoffmann by Offenbach.

- Made in heaven. Don't go away.

- Oh, wait once.

Why should I not go away?

Because tonight at the midnight show,

you're dancing.

I'm dancing! Oh, my God!

And now, we take you back

to the good old USA!

Now, I'm authorized by the management

of the National Wintergarden Theater

to offer to each and every one

of our patrons,

a clientele that we know to be exact,

discerning, and not easily deceived,

an exotic assortment of genuine imported

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