The Night They Raided Minsky's Page #4

I'm supposed to have a little Frenchy,

that I might as well enjoy

a little Frenchy.

You know what I mean?

He knows what I mean.

In the little room there is a machine,

and for a penny I found the really

true number how much I weigh.

Talk about your French accents!

Well, well, Trim Houlihan's the name.

I seen you backstage before.

There we are.

Could I order you anything?

We gotta get this kid outta here.

Hey, wait a minute. What's that?

- You said an order of bagel.

- That's an order of bagel?

- One bagel is an order of bagel?

- New policy.

Two bagels is an order of bagel

anywhere in town.

I don't care about anywhere in town.

Here you order another bagel,

you pay another nickel.

Send it back.

It's not a new policy, he's cheap.

If you're so cheap another bagel

will break your heart, take it back!

Well, that's a nice thing

to say to a person, "Cheap!"

- So you think I'm cheap?

- Yeah, cheap. You're cheap.

You call me cheap? I say you're stingy.

You think I care about a lousy bagel?

I'm a man from principle.

This is what I think of a bagel, here!

Principle? You think you got principle?

I'll show you something about principle!

You and your lousy bagel...

There you see that?

That's what a nickel means to me.

As a matter of fact,

that's what another nickel means to me!

Big shot! Man from principle!

Here, for your other nickel,

here's another bagel!

You got more principle than that.

- Wait a minute. I will have a dozen.

- A dozen?

That's right!

- And some onion rolls!

- Onion rolls!

- Hey, Fliegelmann, where are you?

- Yes.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Wait. Now, that's funny.

A perfect fit! Here, I'll wrap it up.

No, Fliegelmann, this is my own jacket!

So? Well, what will it be?

Well, we're looking for something

in a prop snake.

Fifty-four inches is a nice length.

Just last week I had such a run on them.

Now, where are those snakes?

Here we are. It's a beauty.

- A real beauty.

- That's not 54 inches.

It's a short 54. Just one left, $6.

He's got one snake left, six bucks.

Great. Let's take it.

He can send it to the theater.

I think six is too much.

You're too high, Fliegelmann.

I will not pay it.

You tell him, Chick.

I get six for them all the time.

It's not worth more than four.

Down the street, I saw them for three.

- Well, so, go buy down the street.

- I would, but they're all out.

If I was all out,

you could have it for two.

- Here, I'll tell you what I'll do.

- What?

- Five.

- Four.

But look at the workmanship.

Ten days it takes to make such a snake.

Ten days!

It only took six days to make the world!

But look at the way this is made.

- Is that seam perfect?

- Seam's perfect.

And look at the world.

Fliegelmann, $4.50 and not a penny more.

You're cutting my heart out. Sold!

Done! Hey, did you hear...

Queen, deuce, ten,

king, nine, seven.

- Ace, queen, you're high, Scratch.

- Ace, queen, says a dime.

I'll see your dime and raise you a dime.

- Pass me.

- Fold.

- So, I'm lucky in love.

- Call.

Call and raise.

And let's keep the ribbon clerks out.

Queen, two, ten, king, nine, seven.

My, how warm and how small it is.

So small I have to go out in the hall

to change my mind.

Oh, no.

No room could match you in grandness.

So, small like this is perfect.

It's peculiar, my feelings.

I don't believe it's sinful,

using these worldly things.

This electric light.

And in the restaurant, alone,

there was water from the faucet.

And yet, I'm not so sure down inside.

Well, how could it be sinful?

Well, at home,

if something is not spoke of in the Bible,

like buttons on clothing even,

we don't uphold to have the use of it.

Well...

How could anyone with feelings like that

ever leave home?

Because there were other feelings also.

I would lie in bed at night

and think of the all the people

in the world.

Right then, that very minute,

doing joyful things in rooms with lights.

And the gramophone.

A thing turns round and there's music.

How are ya, how are ya?

Underneath Hawaiian skies

Land of many sad goodbyes

Where the rippling waters play

Whispering, "Why don't you stay?"

There beneath a coral moon

I heard someone croon this tune

This is the moment behind which I forget

every other moment that has passed.

Don't go away. There's one more.

Kickipoo, Kickipoo

You want me, me want you

Kickipoo, who will do

- Yes, who is it?

- This is the Acme Travel Agency.

I have your steamship tickets here, sir.

Steamship tickets?

- Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

- That's what you think.

Billy! Billy! Peskin says

the midnight show is sold out.

- And it's not even 9:00 yet.

- Did he save 50 seats for the press?

- I told him to save 50 seats.

- He saved. He saved.

Well, tell him to sell standing.

What are you doing here?

Chick's ready to go on

and Raymond didn't show yet.

Raymond didn't... Raymond didn't show!

Raymond didn't show!

Raymond didn't show up!

Today is my birthday.

It isn't legal, but I bought myself

a little birthday present.

Bootleg hooch.

Well, sir, happy birthday.

Hey, you! You with the baggy pants!

You with the bottle in your hand.

Are you aware that could be pure poison?

Give me my stuff, will you?

Raymond, what happened? Where you been?

Chick dropped a ton of water on me.

Got me soaking wet.

- Yeah, well, that's between you and him.

- You bet it is.

Look, we got a show to do here.

Let's go!

Never mind the make-up already.

Will you get out there?

Come on! Come on!

Leave me alone, will you, Billy?

I'll kill that little runt.

Just let me at him.

Good heavens, man!

That's the devil's brew you got there!

Play the Acme Travel Agency with me,

will you?

What are you doing?

Just celebrating my birthday!

- I'd do it again.

- We'll see about that.

That'll learn you.

Oh, Madeline! Madeline!

How'd you like that nut?

He is a nut, too.

You damn nut!

Well, well, well, if it ain't

the peacock of Second Avenue.

- Well, how are you, Mr. Peacock?

- You don't have to be so formal, Trim.

Just call me Peacock.

Hey, smart guy, you ran out on me

with that little Frenchy.

Well, wasn't nothing personal, Trim.

You wouldn't be here to lean on me,

would you?

Oh, now, I wouldn't want you

to leap to no concussions.

But you told this Fowler fella

that I had a little French babe.

I don't know why. Maybe I don't care.

But the thing is

that I don't like being used

without I should benefit.

So you lay off the little girl?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, sure he knows what I mean.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the Minsky Company

is proud to take you

on a trip around the world.

Hey!

I found something.

It's a new bit.

We'll make a whole routine out of it.

I say,

"You there, sir.

"You look like a gambling man.

I tell you what I'm gonna do."

Take a card.

- Come on. Take one, you'll love it.

- No.

And what gives with you anyway?

Look, you hosed me down,

I roughed you up.

We're even, okay?

Aw, come on, Chick.

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