The Nun's Story Page #2

What is served for lunch, do you know?

It doesn't matter.

They won't let me eat it, anyway.

Twice each day for the rest of your lives...

you will examine your consciences.

And enter in these notebooks...

each and every imperfection

against the Holy Rule.

For example, if you drink

a glass of water between meals...

without asking permission.

If you leave a light on unnecessarily.

If you're late for work, and so on.

I accuse myself of breaking

the Grand Silence.

I accuse myself of

uncharitable thoughts about my sisters.

I accuse myself of having drunk a glass of

water between meals without permission.

I accuse myself of failing

in modesty of the eyes.

I accuse myself of worldly desires.

I accuse myself

of having spoken without necessity.

I accuse myself of laughing

during the Grand Silence.

I accuse myself....

I accuse myself of daydreaming.

-I accuse myself....

-I accuse myself....

Enter.

Yesterday I visited one of our sisters

who is ill in hospital.

And your father was attending her.

He asked about you. And about the Congo.

And the bush station where he thinks

you would like to do your nursing.

I told him it was much too soon

even to think of it.

Of course, Reverend Mother.

-I....

-Well, go ahead.

I just want to become a good nurse

and a good nun...

and to do God's work wherever I'm sent.

First become a good nun.

We select only the very strongest sisters

for our missions.

Your nursing qualifications would

seem to make you a likely candidate.

But you are still very far

from being mature in the religious life.

Maturity is the armor of our missionaries.

And this is not achieved in a day.

Since tomorrow is the day of vesture...

when you receive the habit of a novice...

we must talk today about detachment.

You have already detached yourselves

from family and friends.

Now we have the difficult detachment

from things and memories.

Tonight, when you go to your cells...

you will find parts of your new habit.

And on your tables, the only possessions

allowed you from now on.

A basket will be passed.

And you must put in it,

of your own free will...

any object you still have...

which might call up memories

of your former life.

What do you ask, my daughters?

We ask for the mercy of God.

And for the favor to be received...

into this congregation.

We offer our Lord...

our liberty, our memory, and our will.

And we ask only for His love

and His holy grace.

Are you firmly resolved...

to despise the honors, riches...

and all the vain pleasures of this world...

in order to prepare

for a closer union with God?

We are so resolved, Monsignor.

Do you make this request

of your own free will?

-Yes.

-Yes.

May the Lord, who has begun this...

-bring it to perfection.

-Amen.

Go, my children...

divest yourselves

of the vanity of this world.

And receive for your bodies

the habit of humility.

Yvonne Duval

will be known as Sister Marie Sebastian.

Henrietta de la Croix

will be known as Sister Marie Bernadette.

Simone Pascin

will be known as Sister Marie Christine.

Cecile de Planer

will be known as Sister Marie Joseph.

Gabrielle Van der Mal

will be known as Sister Luke.

Sister, you make a beautiful nun.

Sister.

You're blushing.

It happened to me, too, in my ward.

We shouldn't blush, I'm sure we shouldn't.

How can we help it?

It must mean

some wrong awareness of self.

Must we write it in our notebooks?

I don't know.

Should we write that we talked alone?

I always start it.

Your training as a postulant

has been mostly in externals.

Now, as novices,

you will be devoting the next year...

to the real formation of a nun.

During that entire year,

none of you will leave the Mother House.

We will pay particular attention

to the removal of faults...

the control of passions,

and the acquiring of virtue...

so that you may be born again in Christ.

We will have exercises to develop charity,

forbearance, and humility...

and tests to destroy love of self.

Two of these tests

are the culpa and the penance.

From now on, in addition

to writing in your notebooks...

you will once a week...

proclaim before your sisters

your external faults against the Rule.

And you will be given a penance

to perform in refectory or in chapel.

The degree of humiliation will tell you

how much pride is still alive in you.

Only as your pride slowly crumble...

will you get the first glimpse

of true humility.

If any sister has observed you

in an external fault...

which you have not proclaimed...

it is her duty to proclaim you in charity...

so that you may be aware

of your errors and correct them.

I say my culpa for speaking without

necessity, for being late for chapel...

for letting a door slam without penance.

What do you have to say in charity?

I proclaim my sister for giving in

to the temptation of vanity...

by looking at herself in a glass window.

You will say three Hail Marys

in refectory...

for the sister who had the charity

to proclaim you.

And three Hail Marys

for each imperfection.

And pray God to help you

to perfect yourself.

Mother, I will try to correct myself

with the grace of God.

I say my culpa

for breaking the rule of obedience...

by not stopping work

when I heard the bell.

For having spilled milk

twice in the refectory.

For having spoken without necessity

during Grand Silence.

What have you to say in charity?

I proclaim myself and Sister Luke...

for seeking each other's company.

You will ask God to help you

to overcome this attachment...

and you will kiss the feet of the nuns

and beg your bread in refectory.

Mother, I will try to correct myself

with the grace of God.

Dear Lord...

the more I try,

the more imperfect I become.

I seem to fail in charity,

humility, and obedience.

Pride has not been burned out of me.

When I succeed in obeying the Rule...

I fail at the same time

because I have pride in succeeding.

Tomorrow you go on retreat

before taking the first vows, don't you?

The Grand Silence doesn't matter for me.

I'm not taking my vows. I'm leaving.

So I can talk without having to say a culpa

or do a penance.

Why?

Mother Emmanuel said,

"Remember, you can cheat us...

"but you cannot cheat yourself or God."

Well, to go on would be cheating God.

-To be a hypocrite.

-We all have our doubts.

-My confessor--

-Of course.

But I know myself.

I could never be like you.

As strong as you.

I'm the weakest of us all.

If you were,

you would not be taking your vows.

Now I've earned you another penance

by talking to you in the Grand Silence.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

Pray for me.

"I, Gabrielle Van der Mal,

known as Sister Luke...

"promise to God in the presence

of Your Grace and our Reverend Mother...

"to obey the Holy Rule

of this congregation...

"and to persevere in the life

of obedience, chastity, and poverty...

"for the period of three years. Amen."

Sister Luke, this is the discipline

for penance in private.

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