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The Perfect Score
SAT.
Suck Ass Test.
That's what that stands for.
This is the SAT I examination.
For the first section,
you have 30 minutes.
Last year, 2 million kids
took the Suck Ass Test
in order to get into college.
Scores range from 500, you're going
to community college, riding a bus,
to 1 600, you're Ivy League,
driving a Porsche.
It's a standardized test.
Standardized, meaning
they see us all the same.
A kid...
... is a kid...
... is a kid!
Take this kid, for instance.
Kyle.
He's a good guy, who knows
where he wants to go in life.
But for now, the SAT is standing
in the way of Kyle's dream.
It's telling him, "You're just..."
Time.
Then there's Anna,
the overachiever. You know the type.
A future Ph.D. with a nice A-S-S.
Good deeds, good grades.
But the SAT doesn't care about that.
a kid in the middle
or dumb as a post.
When you walk into this room,
it's not about who you are.
The SAT is about who you'll be.
Well, I've seen worse.
I need a 1430.
I've applied to Cornell.
And what are your fallback schools?
I don't have any.
That's kind of risky, isn't it?
I mean, I'm looking at your file here,
your PSAT score wasn't so great.
Don't you think that 1430 is...?
Is a little bit...?
When I was 7, I built
a log cabin out of Popsicle sticks.
You can go in the halls, and five out
of six kids are not gonna have a clue
what they wanna do
the rest of their lives.
But Mr. Dooling...I've known
since I was 7.
I want to be an architect.
As soon as I was
old enough to realize
there's one school that turns out
the greatest architects of our time,
I've wanted to go there.
Cornell University.
Cornell.
You know the guy
who designed our bus barn?
He attended a community college
just down the street.
Dooling said you couldn't do it?
That's Matty, Kyle's right-hand man.
They say misery loves company.
Dooling said the standardized
testing says I can't do it.
You're down to a 1 020?
Jesus, that's almost
as bad as me, man.
- What'd you tell your parents?
- What do you think?
We've never been so proud, son.
It's good. Look it.
Hundred and forty-three.
That's what I scored.
Remember, Mom?
Well, look at the positives.
At least one of us is going to college.
Hello, Maryland.
Matty's girlfriend, Sandy,
is a freshman at Maryland.
And he was now moments away
from hooking up with her in the fall.
Open the letter, Matty.
Yeah, you're right.
Why should the fact that you're
screwed ruin my big day, huh?
Oh, sh*t!
"SAT score insufficient."
This sh*t ain't fair!
Sandy's gonna be crushed.
You even know
Suck Ass Test?
Scholastic Aptitude Test.
Then they got rid of that altogether.
You know what it stands for now?
SAT.
What?
SAT stands for SAT. That's it.
- That's f***ed up.
- Yeah, I know.
Sever All Ties, SAT.
I may as well
sever all ties with Sandy.
There must be somebody
we can talk to.
There's no one we can talk to?
Do you know how many kids wanna
go up and complain about their SATs?
I mean, if one goes up, they all go up.
What about her?
Unless your father owns the building...
- So we'll take the test again.
- Retest is in two weeks.
There's no time to get ready.
And even if there was,
what's gonna change?
I better call Sandy.
She's gonna love this.
Yeah, Sandy's room.
Some guy answered.
Roommate's boyfriend.
He said, "Sandy's room."
- So?
- So her roommate's Pam.
He'd say, "Pam's room",
not "Sandy's room."
- Pam's room! Pam!
- All right. All right, Matty.
- You're wired. It's the Red Bull.
- No! No! No!
The SAT did this!
The SAT is pimping out my girlfriend!
Damn it!
We gotta do something, man.
They're messing
with the rest of our lives.
millions of dollars last year.
- You think they give a sh*t about us?
- Just hear me out.
Because I'm not a dumb guy,
all right? I know things.
Ask me... Ask me who's got
the best pitching staff in baseball.
Or ask me... Ask me how to rebuild
a carburetor on a '71 Buick.
Ask me... Ask me what icing is,
for chrissakes.
- Make the point, Matty.
- The point is,
where the hell's that
on the test?
Because you learn
the rest in college.
I show up for a job interview, there's
a science geek, there's a math nerd.
Who's gonna get the job?
The guy who can throw down
at the water cooler,
who's heard
the new Ataris disk.
The guy who yakked in your Cutlass
after the Radiohead show.
Me! Me! That's me. I get the job.
The point is that
they are not playing fair.
Why should we?
We know where the answers are.
ETS.
You want to steal
the answers to the SAT?
You have a talent, Kyle.
What you do with a pencil and paper,
I can't learn that.
They have a test
Kids struggle with the SAT.
That doesn't justify thievery.
No?
Did you see my dad's truck
when you drove up?
It's the one with the large crapper
on top of it.
It doesn't say
"Matthews' Septic" on it, Kyle.
It says "Matthews and Son's Septic"
on it.
Look, if I don't get into Maryland,
my life is sh*t.
Literally.
And it's not even my own sh*t.
Kyle. Dude, check this out.
Listen, listen.
Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Thank you, Princeton, New Jersey!
Think I did "Smoke on the Water."
You hear that?
One day, you're gonna try to regain
this lost youth of yours,
you're gonna go into a sh*t pit.
Is that what you're doing, living
at home, jamming with the dryer?
I don't live at home.
I live above the garage.
It's a whole separate dwelling!
I've got my own phone line.
Hey, honey.
You wanna help grade assignments?
We're teaching kids to bubble in.
First-graders?
Mom, most of these kids
can't even read yet.
Well, I hate to say it,
but there's more money for the school
in bubbling in than reading these days.
Now he gets it.
Just follow the money.
Standardized testing is taking over.
And it starts long before high school.
Test scores go up,
the schools get more cash.
In some cases,
even teachers get paid.
It's enough to piss you off.
I mean, when you get the feeling
that everything's slipping away,
that you're gonna be left behind,
desperate times call for
desperate measures.
Hey, Matty, if you wanted
to borrow the answers...
... how would you do it?
The girl at ETS.
The one the guard let pass.
You recognize her?
Francesca Curtis.
The web-page girl?
Francesca Curtis.
Talk about your forbidden fruit.
Do you guys know the name of that
kid with the Percocet addiction?
No? No? No?
- I don't know.
- OK.
If you have something for my page,
you have to write it down
and slip it in my locker.
I'll get back to you.
No, we're not...
If you don't know where my locker is,
you're in over your heads.
Actually...
... we had something else in mind.
So you guys are gonna
steal the SAT answers?
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"The Perfect Score" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_perfect_score_15761>.
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