The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie

Season #2 Episode #2

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Prince Alexander: HA HA!

Prince Alexander: Stand firm, men, for the King and Monteria! (YELLS) Back to the sea, dog! (GRUNTING)

Pirate:
Prince Alexander!

Robert the terrible: Drop your weapons or say goodbye to your prince!

Prince Alexander: Robert. I should have known you were behind this cowardly attack.

Robert the Terrible: Hello, nephew. Sorry I've missed the family reunions, but it's been difficult, being banished and all.

Prince Alexander: Your punishment was well-earned.

Robert the Terrible: That depends on your point of view. But since your daddy has left you alone and unprotected, I thought we could get reacquainted.

Prince Alexander: His absence is but temporary. He has business across the Western Sea.

Robert the Terrible: Is that what he told you? (CHUCKLING) He knew I was growing strong in the mechanical arts. Too strong, perhaps, for even him. You fight bravely for the son of a coward. Tie him up!

Pirate:
Your cutlass!

Robert the Terrible: Plenty more at home. Leave it. A calling card for my cowardly brother. Take him aboard the Stubb! And be sure to bring the princess as well!

Prince Alexander: She's not here. She stayed behind in Monteria.

Robert the Terrible: Search the ship. Find the girl.

Prince Alexander: I tell you, she's not here!

Pirate:
Aha!

Willory:
Are you certain he's gone? I say, my lady, it may be prudent to remain under wraps. My lady?

Eloise:
My brother needs help.

Willory:
Oh, heavens, my lady! As your butler, I cannot allow you to...

Eloise:
Step aside, Willory.

Willory:
But, my lady, it's a boatful of pirates and your fencing classes have just begun! You're not yet up to the task!

Eloise:
Perhaps you're right. Then there's only one thing to do.

Willory:
Indeed. Stay hidden until the rogues have left. My lady? What is it?

Eloise:
It's from my father. His own creation. He said I was to use it only in the gravest of circumstances.

(PIRATES SHOUTING)

Willory:
I'd say this qualifies. But what does it do?

Eloise:
It's a Helpseeker. We need help. Alexander has been taken. The situation is dire.

Please bring back... Let me see. What do we need?

Willory:
The army! The navy!

Eloise:
Heroes. We need heroes that can save Alexander!

Pirate:
She's not on board, sir.

Robert the terrible: Blast! Send spies to Monteria and the surrounding isles. I need them both.

Willory:
Heroes?

Eloise:
Yes. Heroes.

(Spanish Gold Starts)

{Italic=singing}

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Jacob:
(WHOOPS)

ALL:
(SINGING) Oh It's Spanish gold for all tonight. For King and country, now we fight. Our shirts are loose. Our pants are tight It's Spanish goldf or all tonight. It's Spanish gold for all tonight

Bernedette(Petunia): Have you seen the show before?

Ellen:
No, too expensive. My boyfriend got me in forfree tonight. He works here.

Bernedette:
Oh, mine, too.Family Night, right?

Ellen:
Right.

Bernedette:
Is he in the show?

Ellen:
No, he's just a cabin boy.

Bernedette:
Same here. But not for long. Elliot says he's a shoo-in for the show, as soon as he tries out.

Ellen:
Wait. You're Elliot's date?Our boyfriends are friends!

Bernedette:
(GASPING)

Ellen:
Is that bad?

Bernedette:
No. There's something behind you.

Ellen:
Where is he?

Sedgewick(Mr. Lunt): For the flower of all gourds.

Ellen:
Oh, Sedgewick,you're too cute.

Sedgewick:
Anything for you, Ellen.

All:
It's Spanish gold for all tonight As Spaniards quake to see the sight Our flag unfurled with black and white! It's Spanish gold for all tonight!

(ALL WHOOPING)

WOMAN:
Hooray, Sir Frederick!

Man:
Picture for the happy couple?

Sedgewick:
Sure, why not?

Ellen:
Oh, Sedgewick, come here. Put your face close to me.

Sedgewick:
Look at that.

Ellen:
Soy la reina. I'm the queen,you're the king.

Man:
(CLEARING THROAT)

Sedgewick:
I'll catch up with you later.

WOMAN:
Hey! Cabin boy! Refill!

Sedgewick:
I'm telling you this job will be the death of me.

Ellen:
But you're going to keep at its o you don't end up back in your parents' basement.

Sedgwick:
Right.

Bernedette:
I like your toy.

Sedgewick:
It's not a toy, it's a labor-saving device!

Ellen:
Sedgewick, meet Bernadette. She's Elliot's girlfriend.

Sedgewick:
Pleased to meet you.

Ellen:
Sweetie, how about having your little car fetch me some barbecue sauce?

Sedgewick:
It's in the back room. Out of range.

Ellen:
Well, how about you fetch me some barbecue sauce?

Sedgewick:
It's in the back room. Out of range.

Ellen:
Sedgewick!

Bernedette:
(CHUCKLING) There he is now. Hi, Elliot.

Elliot(Larry):
Hey, Bernedette.

Bernedette:
Elliot, would you run to the back room and get some barbecue sauce for my new friend, Ellen?

Elliot:
You know I would Bernadette, but it's just that the back room is real, real dark.

Bernedette:
And?

Elliot:
It's on my list.

Ellen:
His list?

Bernedette:
His list of things he's afraid of. It's extensive.

Ellen:
Well, I don't need barbecue sauce that badly.

Bernedette:
Why doesn't he get it?

Ellen:
Too much work.

Sedgewick:
George!

ALL:
Huh?

Sedgewick:
We'll have George get it. You can talk him into anything.

GEORGE(Pa grape): I'm back!

Caroline:
What took so long?

George:
Oh, I had to run an errandfor another cabin boy.

Caroline:
George.

George:
Oh, it was nothing. How do the kids like the show?

George Jr:
It's great. Did you see Sir Frederick knock that guy into the water?

Lucy:
I liked it when he swung on the rope.

Caroline:
They're both pretty taken with Sir Frederick.

George Jr:
He's cool!

Lucy:
Yeah!

George:
Right. Hey, after the show's over, you want me to take you down on the pirate ship?

George Jr:
Sir Frederick is gonna take us.

George:
What? You don't need to wait for Sir Frederick. I could take you the set tonight.

George jr:
Yeah, Dad, but Mom says if we come back on Friday, I can bring some money and get a sword just like Sir Frederick's. I'll wait till Friday.

Sir Fredrick/Mr Louis: (Jimmy gourd): (LAUGHING) You're no match for me! Take that! Taste my steel!

George jr:
Cool! Did you see Sir Frederick?

Lucy:
He's a hero!

MAN:
Hey, cabin boy! Refill!

George:
(GROANS) Coming. (SIGHING) I can't believe my own kids are coming back to get a tour from Sir Frederick.

Elliot:
It's just cause he's in the show.

Sedgewick:
And he's big and strong and brave and manly.

Elliot:
When I'm in the show, after my audition, Bernadette'll think I'm a hero, too.

Sedgewick:
Yeah, after your audition. Look at George here. This guy knows every line in that show. He knows more about pirates than Blackbeard himself.

Elliot:
So, why didn'the try out?

Sedgewick:
Yeah, George. Why don't you?

George:
It would never work.I'm just not the type.

Sedgewick:
There you go.

All:
(GASPING)

Sedgewick:
Excuse me, sir. The day's show is over. I say, the show is over.

Blind man:
The hour is near. The call is coming. Adventure awaits. Though you will stumble, the crab will show you the light. When adversity devours you, a lever will set you free. When all hope is gone, help will come from above in the shape of a donkey! Take heed, O friends. The stage is set for the heroes at hand.

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