The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie Page #2

Season #2 Episode #2

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Sedgewick:
The crab of adversity will devour the donkey? What was that about? And why would a blind guy come to a dinner theater, anyway?

George:
Maybe he likes the music.

Elliot:
I know what it means.

BOTH:
What?

Elliot:
Don't you see? "The stage is set for the heroes at hand." We're gonna be in the show, all of us.

George:
What?

Elliot:
Listen to me.There's the stage. We're the heroes at hand. Get it? If we all audition,we're going to be stars.

Sedgewick:
How would he know?

George:
The blind are oftenblessed with keen insight.

Elliot:
Our gals would really look up to us if we were in the show.

George:
And my kids would think I'm a hero.

Sedgewick:
The stage is set for the heroes at hand.

George:
I got my own set of piratecostumes in my locker. I've been saving them for, you know, whatever.

Elliot:
"The hour is near."

Sedgewick:
"The call is coming."

George:
Let's give it a shot!

Mr Hibbing(Mr. Nezzer): Okay, let's get this over with. It's way past my bedtime.

George:
Ready when you are,Mr. Hibbing!

Mr. Hibbing:
All right. Andy, cue the music and the lights. Scene Three positions. Let's see what you've got.

ELLIOT:
Here we go.

George:
Avast, you scurvy dogs. You came from the sea and to the sea you shall return.

Mr. Hibbing:
Pirate two, position five.

Sedgewick:
Okay. I go a loft, Captain. The height will afford me a keener view.

Elliot:
(YELLING)

Mr. Hibbing:
Pirate three,position four.

Elliot:
Your cutlass be sharper than your mind, bilge rat.

Sedgewick:
(EXCLAIMS)Can I do my lines from here? I'm pooped.

Mr. Hibbing:
Trigger B.

(MECHANICAL ROARING)

Elliot:
Whoa! That's on my list. (GRUNTING)

Sedgewick:
Ahoy.

All:
(screaming)

Elliot:
I can't believe he fired us just for failing an audition.

Sedgewick:
And breaking the restaurant. Man, that's it for me. It's back to my parents' basement and goodbye Ellen. I needed that job.

Mr Louis:
Sure, we can get some ice cream.

Jacob:
Okay, double-fudge for me.

George:
Hi, Jacob. Hello, Mr. Louis.

Mr. Louis:
Heard about your audition. I guess that makes you "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Mr. Louis:
Well, tough luck. Some guys got it and some guys don't.

JACOB:
No wonder George Jr. wants to hang out with us. His dad's a loser.

Elliot:
(SIGHING) I don't know what went wrong. The old man...

Sedgwick:
What went wrong is that we listened to you! I should be at home right now, watching TV as a happily employed cabin boy.

George:
I guess guys like us will never be more than cabin boys.

Elliot:
Oh, come on, guys. Things look kind of bad right now, but something will turn up. See what I mean? Free garbage.

Sedgwick:
Oh, now we're headed someplace. We've got a metal ball.

(WHIRRING)

George:
Well, what is it?

Elliot:
Well, it could be something valuable, like a Russian satellite.

Sedgewick:
Or maybe a bomb.

George:
I don't think it's a bomb.

(BEEPING)

George:
Uh-oh.

Sedgewick:
I told you it was a bomb. Chuck it in the river. It think it might be a bomb.

Elliot:
I don't think it's a bomb.

George:
I think it's a bomb. It's a bomb! It's a bomb for sure! I saw this on TV once. It's a bomb!

Elliot:
I don't think it's a bomb.

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

(CLICKING)

Sedgewick:
What happened?

George:
It stopped blinking.

Elliot:
I pushed the button.

Goerge:
You did what?

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

George:
There's something you don't see every day.

Elliot:
So, we lost our jobs, but we got a rowboat. So maybe it's a wash.

SEDGEWICK:
Oh, okay. I'll say, "Hey, Ellen. The bad news is, I got fired and I'm living in my parents' basement again. The good news is,I got a rowboat."

GEORGE:
It's so old.

Elliot:
Well, you know the saying."Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day."Give a man a rowboat and he'll..." Sedgewick: You ruined my life!

(BEEPING)

Elliot:
Hey, we could have two rowboats.

George:
Wait!

(CLICKS)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

All:
(SCREAMING)

Sedgewick:
I'm thinking we should avoid pushing any more buttons!

Elliot:
I was going toget us another rowboat.

Sedgewick:
Well, you didn't! You didn't get us another rowboat! You got us...You got us...Where are we?

GEORGE:
We appear to be at sea.

ELLIOT:
It's a lovely day.

SEDGEWICK:
(SCREAMING) Take me home! Put me back!

Elliot:
I don't know how.

Sedgewick:
Push another button! You're the king of the buttons!

Elliot:
But it doesn't do anything if they aren't blinking. They're not blinking.

Sedgewick:
(WHIMPERING)

Elliot:
See? Nothing.

George:
Hey, I think I see something. It's a ship. Let's row over and check it out.

Sedgewick:
Row?

George:
Yeah. It's a rowboat. Each of you grab an oar and start rowing.

Elliot:
Hey, scoot over a little bit. We got to even out the weight a little.

GEORGE:
You hold the skinny part.

ELLIOT:
I wanna be the rudder. Can I be the rudder?

GEORGE:
You're not rowing together.

SEDGEWICK:
No, you're going the wrong way.

GEORGE:
It's not a metaphor.I'm talking literally. It's a girl.Ahoy, there!

Eloise:
Ahoy, strange seafarers. What brings you so far from shore in such a modest vessel?

George:
Well, it's kind of funny.We found this rowboat in the alley because there was a ballin the garbage truck.

Elliot:
This ball.

Eloise:
(WHISPERING) The Helpseeker. Willory, they've come!

WILLORY:
Who's come, my lady?

Eloise:
The heroes.They're here!

What'd she say?

Eloise:
We've been waiting for you. Quickly, come up. It's splendid to meet you. I'm Eloise, Princess of Monteria, and this is my butler, Willory. We haven't much time. Pirates have taken my brother, Prince Alexander. With my father, the King, away in the west, it is imperative that we mount a rescue immediately. So? Well, you're the heroes. Any questions?

Willory:
My lady, may I have a word? We need to talk.

Eloise:
Certainly. One moment. We'll be right with you.

Willory:
I mean no disrespect, but these men hardly seem the heroic type.They're short, rather pudgy, and for heaven's sake, they were rowing around the ocean.

What is going on here?

Elliot:
She thinks we're, uh...Heroes.

Eloise:
But, Willory,they have the ball.

Willory:
Perhaps they plucked it from the ocean or stole it from the real heroes.They could be pirates themselves, you know. I mean, look how they're dressed.

George:
So, what do we do?

Sedgewick:
I say we have the asparagus and the little princess turn this boat around and take us home.

Elliot:
Or we take this opportunity to do what we've always wanted to do.

Sedgewick:
Buy go-carts?

Elliot:
No, be heroes.

George:
But we're cabin boys.

Elliot:
They don't know that. She called us heroes.

George:
You're kidding, right?

Elliot:
Oh, come on, how hard could it be? We sail around, we find the prince, we go back home heroes.

Willory:
But how can we trust them?

Eloise:
Because I trust my father. He created the Helpseeker for one purpose, to bring help. And this is the help it has brought.

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