The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie Page #5

Season #2 Episode #2

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(THUNDER RUMBLING)

SEDGEWICK:
What is that?

WILLORY:
El Remolino, the great whirlpool! But no pirate will sail beyond the Rocks of Malabar for fear of it. I thought it was pirate Legend, but there it is.

Sedgewick:
Okay, time to go home.

Elliot:
No islands out here.

George:
No, we're going to keep going.

Elliot:
But didn't you hear him? It's a giant whirlpool!

Sedgewick:
"Captain George's Death Cruise, brought to you by George, the Crazy Grape."

Elliot:
I thought you were on our side.

Eloise:
Thank you, George.

George:
Might be a giant whirlpool. Might not be. Let's hold our course!

(LIGHTNING CRASHES)

Willory:
That whirlpool holds nothing but our own demise!

George:
Oh, really?

Eloise:
The island!

Geoge:
Huh. How about that?

Willory:
What? How could...

George:
It's a sea mirage. Water droplets in the air reflecting the sky so perfectly they block the island from view. Weather Channel.

Pirate:
(CHUCKLES) Right on time. And look who they left behind.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Elliot:
Do you think there are snakes on this island? 'Cause snakesare on my list.

Sedgewick:
Oh, I'm sure there are snakes. Big ones, too. And spiders and bears.

Elliot:
Huh?

Sedgewick:
Of course, the real question is why are we on this island?

George:
I don't follow you.

Sedgewick:
We had a plan! Sail to the Rocks, don't find the island, go home! Which part eluded you?

George:
It was a sea mirage!

Sedgwick:
You knew that, but we didn't need to know that.

George:
It's an adventure.

Sedgewick:
I don't want any more adventure! I should be home on the couch right now, eating cheese curls and watching The Love Boat! Instead, I'm stuck here with Captain Weather Channel on my way to be sliced and diced by Edward Scissorhands!

George:
Look, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm just trying to help Eloise. Let's just get the clues for the Princess. Maybe then we can go home. Now, if I were a cave, where would I be?

Elliot:
Right about there.

(BATS SCREECHING)

(HOWLING)

Elliot:
Dark, creepy caves are on my list.

George:
Sedgewick, look for the clues.

Sedgewick:
Oh, yeah. To bring me even closer to my death.

Pirate 1:
So, what's wrong with our boat?

Pirate 2:
We can't sneak up on them in a pirate boat, you ninny.

Elliot:
So, what do they look like?

George:
What?

Elliot:
The clues.

George:
I don't know. Maybe a map or a model of the world carved out of rock.

Elliot:
Or maybe a billboard.

George:
Not likely. Too obvious.

Elliot:
No, really. A billboard.

George:
What? "If a sailor were to look for me, the East is where he'd start. He'd reach the Isle of Walking Rocks and the Clapping Pass would part. Then gaze with pride upon my keep (not found on any chart). 'Till he would spy my steely eye and fear would stop his heart." Ooh.

Elliot:
"Copyright Robert the Terrible. All rights reserved."

Sedgewick:
Oh, yeah. That sounds like fun and all, but I'd kind of like to keep my heart going, if it's all the same to you.

Elliot:
So, what do we got? We head East to...

George:
The Isle of Walking Rocks and the Clapping Pass.

Elliot:
And that's where this Robert guy hangs out. And then something about cardiac arrest.

Sedgwick:
I don't know, call me crazy, but maybe our senses of fun are a little bit different. Holy mackerel. Holy mackerel!

Both:
What? What is it? What? What is it?

Elliot:
Pieces of eight?

George:
Spanish gold?

SEDGEWICK:
Even better Cheese curls!

GEORGE:
What?

Sedgewick:
Cheese curls. Thousands of them. Maybe millions!

George:
Well, grab a few and let's get back to the boat.

Sedgewick:
I'm not going back to the boat. (LAUGHING)

George:
What do you mean you're not going back to the boat?

Sedgewick:
The way I see it, I have two choices. Go back to the boat and continue our little adventure until we all die in terrible ways, or stay on this island and frolic in the sun with a lifetime supply of my favorite snack food. Now, I'm no Albert Einstein, but I'm thinking the choice is pretty clear.

George:
But, the Princess, she thinks we're heroes.

Sedgewick:
Well, she's wrong. Heroes are tall and strong and brave and handsome, like Sir Frederick. We aren't any of those things. When you're done pretending, come on back. I'll save you a few cheese curls.

George:
Fine. Have it your way.

Sedgewick:
I will. Thank you.

George:
You're not welcome.

Sedgewick:
(CHUCKLING) Where do I start? How about you, my little friend?

Cheese curl:
(SCREECHING)

Sedgewick:
What?

All cheese curls: (SCREECHING)

Sedgewick:
Hey, hey, hey, fellas?

GEORGE:
Oh, what does he know? I know we're not real heroes but we're not doing so bad. Let's just get back to the boat. Where is she going?

Elliot:
She's sailing away.

George:
But the clues!

Elliot:
Maybe she didn't need them after all.

(BEEPING)

George:
Are you beeping?

Elliot:
It's my bag. (gasps) The ball. It's the blue button! We can go home now.

George:
What? That doesn't make any sense.

Elliot:
It means our work is done.

GEORGE:
Where's the rowboat?

Elliot:
But the ball! It's blinking! We can go home.

George:
Hold on a sec. How long has that been here? It's one of Robert's boats. But where are the men?

Elliot:
The ball! It's blinking!

GEORGE:
Something ain't right.They've got the Princess! We got to help her! Come on!

(CLICKING)

Elliot:
Listen, when the ball blinks, our work is done and we can go home. Don't you want to go home? Don't you want to see your kids?

George:
Sure I want to see my kids. But I also want them to want to see me.You know, maybe the reason they don't look up to me is because I haven't given them something worth looking up to.

Elliot:
But the ball.

George:
Hey, that ball thought we were heroes. It was wrong about that. It could be wrong about this, too. Look, Elliot. If you want to go home, you can go home. But Eloise needs me. And I need to do what's right. (GRUNTING)

(WHOOSHING)

Elliot:
Let's go save a princess!

George:
Help is on the way!

Sedgewick:
Help! What kind of a crazy B movie am I in? Attack Of The Killer Cheesecurls? Okay, guys. Let's be reasonable. I wasn't really going to eat you, but you were impersonating a snack food! (SCREAMING (THUDDING)

George:
Okay, we're off!

Elliot:
I don't think we can catch up with them.

George:
I think you're right. Then we'll just have to follow the clues.

Elliot:
The clues?

George:
Yeah, from the billboard. Head East to the Island of Walking Rocks.

Elliot:
You think that's a good idea?

George:
No, but I haven't got a better one.

Elliot:
East it is!

GEORGE:
The other east.

ELLIOT:
East it is!

Sedgewick:
(GROANS) My sacroiliac. At least I lostt hose cheese curls.

(SQUEAKING)

Sedgwick:
(WHIMPERS)They're like roaches! Sick, demented, cheese-flavored roaches! They stuck me hereon purpose. I bet George knew about those little things from the Weather Channel, too. He's trying to kill me. (PANTING) I can't climb that. It's too far. It isn't worth it. Eaten by his own favorite snack food. Could be worse. I could be eaten by something I don't like. I give up. It was a good life. At least that one day, from about 2:00 to 2:30.

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