The Ploughman's Lunch Page #8

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JEREMY:

To the Fleet.

JAMES:

To the Fleet.

JEREMY:

And the Argies.

JAMES:

The Argies.

Jeremy reaches into his inside pocket and pulls out an

envelope.

JEREMY:

Now, top secret file.

JAMES:

(reaching for it)

Come on. Hand over.

Jeremy outs the envelope out of James's reach.

JEREMY:

Uh-huh. Tell me what you think of

this first.

JAMES:

It's sh*t.

JEREMY:

You approve!

JAMES:

Let me see.

JEREMY:

Get way. You'll see when I'm ready.

First I want you to reflect on my

noble behaviour, on how your

interests are closest to my heart,

how I lay awake at night worrying--

JAMES:

Jeremy, just let me see what you've

got.

JEREMY:

You're so hard. All right then.

I was chatting to some people from

the diary page, and the name of

Barrington came up. I expressed

an interest...

JAMES:

Oh yes.

JEREMY:

...an innocent interest, and found

out that last year Vogue ran a

series called 'Mothers and

Daughters' Number seven, Anne and

Susan Barrington. Being a decent

loving friend I went to the files

and made a copy for you.

JAMES:

Let me see.

JEREMY:

Ah, ah. There's more. The piece

celebrates the undying affection

between eminent left-wing historian

and he dazzling daughter. Then

the news editor, who happened to

be in the room, said that years

ago, when he worked on The Guardian,

Anne Barrington had written a very

good piece on...guess...Suez. It

was 1966, the tenth anniversary.

Jeremy hands over the envelope which James now opens.

JEREMY:

She's never written a book in it,

but she clearly knew a lot.

JAMES:

Mmm...

JEREMY:

It's obvious what you have to do.

Your way into the daughter's pants

is through the mother, up the Suez

canal...

JAMES:

You're so gross.

JEREMY:

She's very nice, apparently. Lives

in Norfolk. And very left-wing.

You'll have to watch yourself there.

JAMES:

Ha ha...

JEREMY:

According to this, the daughter

goes up to stay quiet often. You'll

need to get yourself invited for

the right weekend.

JAMES:

You've really got it all worked

out, haven't you?

JEREMY:

No need to thank me, if you don't

want to. Just pay for these drinks.

BARMAN:

That'll be eleven pounds, sir

INT. POLYTECHNIC - DAY

James walks along a busy corridor in a polytechnic. In a

recess to one side is a games room. Along the walls are

Space Invader machines by the dozen. Students stand at

the machines intently, their faces illuminated by the glow.

We SEE some expertly handled Space Invader action. James

approaches one of the players and asks directions. Without

looking up the student points down the corridor.

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

James stands outside the doors or a lecture hall. Inside

a lecture is in progress. We catch a few words.

James pushes the door open.

INT. LECTURE HALL - DAY

The LECTURER glances back and acknowledges his presence.

James stands at the back of the hall for the end of the

lecture.

LECTURER:

A vacuum had been created. If the

United States did not fill it, it

was assumed the Russians would.

(A beat)

Next week I shall be considering

the extent to which the behaviour

of nation states or governments

may be judged by the moral criteria

we normally apply to individuals.

Thank you.

The students stand and begin to move out. James and the

Lecturer move towards each other and shake hands.

INT. LECTURER'S ROOM - DAY

James and the Lecturer sit separated by a low table. A

tape-recorder is on the Lecturer's side of the table.

LECTURER:

Well, what you need to understand--

JAMES:

No, sorry, could you lean forward

a bit when you speak.

LECTURER:

Oh. Is this all right? Um...you

see, through the early autumn of

1956 the Egyptians were running

the canal, their canal, that is,

quite efficiently. Traffic was

passing through unimpeded, for

Nasser didn't want to provide the

West with any reason for invading

his country. Is that loud enough,

by the way?

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