The Reluctant Dragon

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Long, long ago,

in a faraway land across the sea,

there lived a little boy

who considered himself

quite an authority on brave,

fearless knights.

And their mortal enemies,

those horrible fire-breathing dragons

that daily terrorize the countryside.

One afternoon as the boy sat

deeply engrossed in his favourite su...

- Good afternoon, Father.

- Oh, son, I seen it.

Up on the bounds it was,

all covered with scales and such.

And a tail with a sort of a hook on it.

Now wait until I catch my breath.

It's horrible. That's what it is, horrible.

It's only a dragon, Father.

Only a dragon?!

Oh, the village!

Help! There's a dragon coming! Help!

Don't worry, Father.

I'll have a look at him.

Hello, Dragon.

Oh, now, boy. Don't you throw stones

at me or squirt water or anything

I won't have it.

Oh, I just came for a friendly chat.

But if I'm not wanted...

Oh, well, do be seated.

- Well, thank you.

- But if you don't mind...

...the other way, please?

I'll only be a minute.

Have you had any nice battles lately?

Battle?

Oh, no, no. No battles. No.

Oh, probably too busy

scourging our countryside

and devouring fair damsels, then.

Scourging, devouring?

Good heavens, no.

But don't you ever

do anything desperate?

Well, yes, I...

I do make up poetry.

Poetry?

Verses, you know.

Care to hear my latest sonnet?

- Well, I...

- Oh, you'll love this.

I call it "Just A-Drifting."

Just a-drifting o'er the leaves

Like a dewdrop, fancy-free

Playing with the gentle breezes

Romping with the bumblebeeses

Oh, what fun,

Joy never ceases

Just a-drifting

Very nice.

But you're in for trouble, you know.

- Trouble?

- My father's arousing the village.

And they'll be here with spears

and things to exterminate you.

You're an enemy of the human race.

Oh, I haven't an enemy in the world.

Too nice to make them.

Prancing, dancing to and fro

Not too fast, not too slow

Where the early birds are seeking

Early worms are slyly peeking

Hear the night owls softly squeaking

Just a-drifting

Hey, what's all the excitement?

It's Sir Giles, stupid.

Sir Giles?

Hooray for Sir Giles.

Hooray for Sir Giles.

Hooray for the dragon-killer.

Hooray for the dra...

Dragon-killer.

Oh, gosh.

It's all out, Dragon.

He's coming.

- He's here now.

- Now, boy.

It's impolite to interrupt a person.

- Who's coming?

- Sir Giles.

On a big horse

with a long sword and spear.

You'll have to fight him.

Oh, I never fight. I never did.

- Doesn't agree with me.

- But... But... But...

Now, boy, now, boy. Just run along.

Tell Sir Giles to go home.

I'm sure you can arrange it.

Toodle-loo.

All right, now. All right, off you go.

Sir Giles can't be disturbed.

Sure, he's in conference, he is.

There ain't no one, absolutely no one,

can see Sir Giles.

Now off you go. Off you go.

Away with you.

Excuse me, sir. I've come to...

Sir Giles, I presume?

Come, come, come, lad.

Stop mumbling.

- I came to talk about the Dragon.

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Another tale of woe and misery,

I suppose.

Devoured your flocks, no doubt.

Oh, no, sir. He...

Made off with your loving parents,

has he?

Well, they shall be avenged.

- You don't understand.

- What?

Don't tell me

he's kidnapped some fair damsel.

With flaxen hair and ruby lips

and form divine.

Why, he can't do that to her.

He shall pay dearly

on the field of battle.

But that's just it. He won't fight.

Yes, he...

He won't fight?

Preposterous.

The fellow must be an infernal cad.

Bit of a rotter, what?

He is not. He's a nice old dragon

who likes to write poetry.

Poetry?

Yes, you know, verses?

How jolly.

I'm a bit of a bard myself, you know.

- You a poet too?

- Yes.

No doubt you heard

of my "Ode to a Fleecy Cloud"?

- Well, I...

- Oh, fleecy cloud

O cloud of fleece

Up in the sky so high

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

But come, come. Let's not dilly-dally.

We must meet this fine fellow at once.

Then you'll explain to the Dragon

about the fight?

Yes, quite right. Quite right.

Of course, of course, of course.

Quite, quite, quite.

I'm the reluctant dragon

What ho!

Quite so

The very reluctant dragon

Oh, very, very

Don't you know

They call me the timid dragon

What rot!

I'm not!

I just won't fight

I'd rather play

- I know I shan't get hurt that way

- Hello, Dragon.

Oh, hello, boy.

I'm having a picnic.

- I brought a friend to explain about...

- Oh, well, well, splendid.

The more, the merrier. Now, boy,

you sit here and your friend can sit there.

- Thank you.

- Now, let's see now.

Pickles, jam, muffins, tea. Oh, yes.

Here, do have a jam sandwich, sir...?

Sir...?

What did you say

your friend's name was?

Oh, that's Sir Giles.

Sir Giles. Well, well.

Yes, you know, the dragon-killer.

Sir Giles,

you better tell the Dragon, quick.

Oh, yes, of course.

Hey, you know,

I've been looking forward

to meeting you.

The boy here tells me

you're quite an accomplished poet.

- Oh, he did, really?

- Yes, yes, yes.

And if it's not too much bother,

I'd be pleased to hear you recite.

Oh, my dear, dear fellow, no bother.

No bother at all.

Would you care for a sandwich?

Thank you. Jam.

Here. Do have another sandwich

and a piece of cake and a crumpet

and a lolly and a spot of tea.

Thank you.

This... This is called

"To An Upside-down Cake".

Sweet little upside-down cake

Cares and woes, you've got them.

Poor little upside-down cake

Your top is on your bottom.

Alas, little upside-down cake

Your troubles never stop

Because, little upside-down cake

Your bottom's on your top

Bravo. Quite interesting. Extraordinary.

Now, Sir Giles. Tell the Dragon now.

Oh, yes, of course.

You know, I am a bit of a bard myself.

Really? Oh, how nice.

Yes, yes, yes. Quite, quite.

Radish so red

Radish so red

Plucked from the heart

Of your warm little bed

Sprinkled with salt

On the top of your head

Delicious

Oh, that's exquisite. Simply exquisite.

Yes, of course. You're quite right.

Do you mind if I recite a poem?

You, boy? Why... Oh, not at all.

Oh, of course, of course.

Rather, rather.

'Tis evening

From the stars above

A soft mysterious light

Brings thoughts of friendship

Joy and love

Now how about that fight?!

Splendid. Quite.

Fight? Fight?

There's nothing to fight about.

Besides, I don't believe in it.

But dragons and knights always fight.

- That's right, by Jove.

- You can't disappoint the whole village.

- Not cricket, you know.

- Please, I...

I do not wish to discuss it further.

I refuse to listen.

I absolutely will not fight.

Good night.

Well, you know, it's a shame.

It doesn't seem right.

This is really a beautiful spot.

- For a fight.

- Yes, quite right.

Why, I can almost see it.

The flags are waving.

The people are cheering.

- Bands are playing.

- The Dragon appears.

What a beautiful sight,

with his scales all agleam

in the dawn's early light.

You're just flattering me.

Oh, no, fellow. It's true.

That beautiful damsel

throws flowers at you.

- At me?

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