The Return of Swamp Thing

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NOT LONG AGO, IN THE UNEXPLORED

REACHES OF AN UNMAPPED SWAMP,

THE CREATIVE GENIUS OF ONE MAN

COLLIDED WITH ANOTHER'S EVIL

DREAM AND A MONSTER WAS BORN.

TOO POWERFUL TO BE DESTRO YED,

TOO INTELLIGENT TO BE CAPTURED,

THIS BEING:

STILL PURSUES ITS SAVAGE DREAM.

So there's the swamp.

Where's the nearest good restaurant?

Depends. If you're a human,

it's back in Washington.

But if you're a 'gator,

could be right where we land.

Thank your lucky stars

you're comin' in at the end of this.

Holland insisted on building it all out here.

He said this is where the life is.

One of those life forms

nailed the guy you're replacing.

What? They sent a woman out here?

- Where are you goin'?

- Couldn't take it any more.

Well, he lasted longer than most.

(radio crackles)

Boo.

(snake hisses)

No!

Weird, isn't it? The local fishermen

say this place is haunted.

I don't know where we are, Toto,

but this sure isn't Kansas.

What?

Nothing.

Used to be a church until

about 50 years ago, then the levee broke.

It's just been us and the deer flies

for the last ten weeks.

Welcome back, sir.

What did Washington say?

That's confidential.

- (man) It's OK, Miss. I got it.

- But you can start packin'.

All right.

(man) Where's this go?

Give me a hand over here with this.

What does Holland think

about going back to Washington?

I doubt he's been told. Ritter couldn't

believe me when I gave him the news.

- Do you think Washington's paranoid?

- Do you think the Pope is Catholic?

This is your place.

You probably haven't seen half this stuff.

It's all new. This is a laser...

Laser-induced subsonic field generator.

Gives double readings in the 3200 band.

I got a trick for fixing that.

They send someone who knows what

she's doin' the week they pull us out!

What's he working on?

- Who?

- Holland.

This thing is so hush-hush, no one asks.

Something to do with plants.

(man) Where the hell's my man?

I thought he was back.

Hey, Charlie!

The emperor calls. Come on.

Hey, you know there's a...

What's going on here?

Get those crates into the church.

You men in the boat! What are you doing?

Get that damn thing outta sight!

Lamebrains!

Charlie, welcome back.

And this is Hank's replacement?

Cable, Harry Ritter,

Project Field Supervisor.

One of your sensors

is reading malfunction.

Not surprising.

They rot in a week in these swamps.

Charlie, did you get them

to change their minds?

No. They want him and the substance

in Washington where they can watch him.

Anything wrong?

A rumour. Somebody's heard

Arcane's gotten wind of the project.

- I thought Arcane was dead.

- He is. Who said that Arcane's onto this?

Nobody's taking credit for it.

You know Washington.

All it takes is one loudmouth

to spill this to Holland

and the whole project goes to hell,

do you know that?

Yes, sir.

That goes for you, too.

Come on. I keep the number of people

near to him at a minimum.

This admits the three of us,

and the Hollands.

It was programmed for your prints

this morning. Try it.

The stuff I have put up with - alligators,

bugs, snakes, and now rumours.

Charlie, I want to hear everything

about the Arcane business, now.

What about that sensor in sector three?

Get somebody to take you there

and take a look.

Me?

In the swamps?

- Any luck there?

- Wiggle your fingers.

Lose a contact lens?

Funny.

Well, don't just stand there.

Give us a hand. Right about in the middle.

Please?

I dropped a Cooper's digger.

Would you look under the rocks, please?

Go ahead.

What's a Cooper's digger? A shovel?

Nah...

Just Alessandro.

He's got a little one-celled animal living

in his fur that makes a terrific host.

Terrific. I'll remember that

the next time I throw a party.

Oh, not bad. Not bad.

- You don't have to be crazy around him...

- But it helps?

Alice Cable, new kid on the block.

You part of Holland's crew?

I'm Linda Holland.

You're Dr Holland.

I'm a Dr Holland, but not the Dr Holland,

boy genius and oddball.

That's Alec. He's the brains.

I just cook up what he invents.

Don't believe her.

She's got an IQ like a phone number.

I want you to run up a variation on the

formula with the host on Alessandro's fur.

OK.

Hello. I understand you have a sensor out.

Do you wanna go out and take a look?

Well, I guess I could ask Charlie

to give us an escort.

We could ask your mother

to come along, too. Come on.

The only dangerous thing out there is the

government agents with their popguns.

It's your first day.

I'll take you on a Cook's tour.

Ritter's always after me

to get some fresh air. He'll be tickled pink.

What do you say?

Oh, man.

You look like a tree.

Sometimes I feel like a tree.

- Like the swamps?

- Hate the swamps. Hate bugs.

- Hate things without legs.

- A neatness freak, huh?

- You could eat off my kitchen floor.

- You could eat off the swamps.

Maybe half the world

could eat off the swamps.

More than likely,

the swamps will eat off us.

Like, what happened

to the guy I'm replacing?

The 'gator was only following his

natural way. Can't blame a guy for that.

I paid a fortune for these boots.

You'd better keep movin'.

There's quicksand around here.

- Keep your eyes open, too.

- For what?

One of these just might

jump out and do you in.

There's over 100 species

of genus orchis here.

So much beauty in the swamps,

if you open up your eyes to it.

Take a look into your own body,

one of God's most magnificent creations,

and what do you see?

Straight lines and deodorant,

chrome and Formica? No, no, no.

You see blood and bone, pump and flow,

and a million messy miracles.

Look at the most creative thing

man and woman can do together

and you'll see

something growing, unpredictable,

magical, hot.

Save the malarkey for your wife, Holland.

If you don't mind,

where the hell's the sensor?

It's right over there.

Looks OK to me.

Here, let me help.

(rattles)

Well, it doesn't look OK to me.

- Let's get back.

- All right.

Charlie?

Charlie!

Cable, what the hell is your story?

Anything suspicious happen

while we were gone?

You're damn right.

Something suspicious did happen.

A stupid broad of an agent,

first day on the job,

takes a scientist we're supposed

to be guarding for a romp in the bush.

- Hold it. Just cool it.

- You think you're on a picnic?

Wait. It was my idea to take her out there.

She was doin' her job.

- Why do you have to be so worried?

- It's my job to worry.

And if I have my way, you'll be

on the next chopper back to Washington.

A woman has no place

around a guy like you.

There's a cut sensor out there.

- Which sector?

- Sector three.

Hank was working on that

when he was bitten by the 'gator.

He didn't put it all back together again

before we took him to the hospital.

- "Tickled pink", huh?

- I'm really sorry, Cable.

Well, I guess you can't be blamed

for following your natural way.

Did either of you see

one of our guys out there? Ronnie?

- No. Why?

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