The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Huh?

Hi! Todd Mahar, eHarmony.

How can I help you today?

Hi. I can't seem to leave

a wink for someone.

I don't know, is my page broken?

Do I maybe have

a broken page, or...

I've never heard

of that, but, okay.

You're trying to use your eHarmony

account for the first time?

I am.

Okay.

I'm looking at your profile.

We have a pretty intricate

matching algorithm.

That's what distinguishes us from

other online dating services.

Yeah, I like that.

Actually, I'm just trying to

leave a wink for one person.

Cheryl Melhoff.

She started in my division

at work about a month ago...

and I overheard her near the bagels

saying she was on your site.

Okay, that's unique.

But let me ask you.

You left a lot of this stuff...

like the "Been There, Done That"

section, you left it blank.

Yeah, I think I skipped it.

Okay, you got to

help me out here, man.

Don't skip stuff.

Okay, well, I haven't really been

anywhere noteworthy

or mentionable.

Have you done anything

noteworthy, mentionable?

Hello, you still there?

Can you hang on a second?

Go, go, go!

Get out! Get out!

She's gonna blow! Go! Go!

Chips!

Over here!

Chips! Thank you!

How did you know

about the building?

I heard barking,

thought I smelled gas.

I hope it's okay.

I engineered

a prosthesis for Chips

while I was sprinting

down the stairwell.

A little hip-joint assembly

with a drop-ring lock and

an anterior pelvic band.

God, you're noteworthy!

I just live by the ABC's:

Adventurous, Brave, Creative.

That's everything I want in a man.

My man?

Hey, my man, you still there?

Hey.

What? Did you

pass out or...

No, I just like,

zoned out for a second.

Okay. Do you do that a lot?

Normal amount, I guess.

Yeah, I got to run. Sorry.

Okay, but we need a lot more...

Hey. Bad day to be late.

We just got acquired.

What?

Yeah, over the weekend.

Walter! Happy birthday!

Whoo-hoo!

He's 42 years old!

Odessa!

What are you doing here?

Mom made you your

favorite clementine cake.

Aren't you supposed to be

at the retirement place

with her getting the

piano moved in?

Yes, I was there.

It's like halfway done...

piano's out of the van, it's on

the street, everything's fine.

But I just got a phone

call about a really

big audition,

so can you go finish it?

No, I can't. I'm late.

Walter, I...

I don't think you're seeing

this from what I need.

What do you need?

I need to be Rizzo in Grease.

I don't understand that.

My audition! Rizzo!

Rizzo?

Rizzo! She's tough and tender!

Do me a favor, please.

Make sure Mom's piano gets moved

in all the way. All right?

Don't go to Rizzo!

Oh, thanks, Walter.

Happy birthday!

Guess what?

We just got acquired.

Yeah, I heard.

Yeah, there's gonna be changes.

Downsizing of us into some kind

of dot-com thing, possibly.

I wonder how this thing goes down,

how the transition's

gonna play out.

I could probably tell you.

Ted Hendricks, managing

director of the transition.

Hey. Tim Naughton.

Sales.

Gary Mannheim, graphic design.

And what do you do, cake man?

Oh, uh...

The cake's just for today.

I'm not a cake man.

I do...

I deal dirctly...

"Dirctly"?

Directly with LIFE's

photo units...

I'm sorry, I was really

getting into this song

and I stopped listening to you.

I was saying, you know who

looks good in a beard?

Dumbledore, not you.

Guy?

Guy?

What do you do?

I'm a negative asset manager.

Worth the wait.

Mind over matter

Ted.

Donny.

Feeling tough?

Feeling good.

Well, got to make

some tough calls ahead.

You been here before, yeah?

Yeah, so this is it, huh?

Yeah, the "house of pictures. "

Hey.

Hi.

How was your weekend?

I had an awesome weekend.

And what did you do this weekend?

Um... Let's see.

I bathed in Arctic

mountain water...

while my Latin lover

recited verse to me.

You slut.

I know.

Actually, I waited for my refrigerator

repairman, who never came.

I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna call you later.

Okay.

The ice, yes?

She moves like a woman.

I'm Walter. Mitty.

Cheryl. Melhoff.

Where have you been?

Testing the limits

of the human "espirit".

I'd like to climb your

hair, test that out.

Perhaps I can contact you,

possibly through my poetry falcon.

Poetry falcon.

I like that.

Do you think, if I hit him with

a paper clip, would he move?

I don't know.

Do it.

Hello.

I actually threw

a toner box at him once.

Yeah? Did he move?

No, I missed.

That's a great story.

Ground Control to Major Tom.

Can you hear me, Major Tom?

Oh!

Wow.

Moving on, as they say.

Conference room,

more of these stations here...

where people sort

of do their thing.

Layout's here for...

Morning, Hernando!

There's a new nut

pouch, did you hear?

Yeah. I met him.

We're gonna be evaluated.

They won't be able to. We do

intricate details back here.

Yeah.

It's tricky.

And bewildering.

I should evaluate you,

you should evaluate me.

I don't think

they'll let us do that.

Just saying.

Hey, how long has this neg roll

been here... out in the open?

It says "Sean O'Connell. "

It came in this morning.

There's a present, too. He sent

you a present, on your desk.

Sean O'Connell

still shoots on film.

That results for

me in a man crush.

Hey, you want to mount these?

Seriously?

Sure.

Heard rumblings LIFE'S done, man.

Wanted to say thanks.

Take a look inside, a gift for

all the years of hard work.

Sorry about the neg roll.

I spilled some blood on it...

while self-stitching

a gun wound to my abdomen...

but number 25 is my best ever.

The quintessence

of life, I think.

I trust you'll get it

where it needs to go...

you always do.

What did you get?

It's a wallet.

With LIFE's motto on it.

Here you go.

Where's 25?

It's not there.

Hey, we need negative 25.

Sean O'Connell sent a telegram.

An actual telegram.

A 100-year-old dude

came in a little hat.

So there's a floor meeting.

Bring 25.

It's here somewhere.

We'll find it.

Okay, make a contact sheet of

these frames as soon as you can.

And don't say anything to anyone.

Yeah.

I just wanted to inform you

all reluctantly, that...

I guess, just start back

from the beginning.

Okay. I just wanted to inform

you all reluctantly...

that this month's issue

will be our last.

What?

Yeah. What?

This is some bull!

It's sad...

...news, for sure.

Now, you're all valued employees.

But as we undergo this

transition to LIFE online...

we wanted to be candid with you...

that some of you will be

determined non-vital employees...

to the new partnership.

And we'll be deciding

which of those positions...

will be remaining with us over

the course of the next week.

Also, we feel sad about

that, as you can see.

Now for some good news.

We are very excited...

All right, Don.

Ted Hendricks. Managing

director of the transition.

Never fun, this stage.

But we do have ahead of us

the privilege of publishing...

what will be the very last

issue of LIFE magazine.

And for the final issue,

we just received a telegram.

Come on.

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