The Steam Experiment

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You f***ing b*tch!

You're gonna die!

This is a nice hotel.

Yeah.

Built in the 1900s by a

railroad tycoon for his wife.

She was a socialite, had a lotta

friends, liked to entertain.

Isn't that a fact?

Yeah... And she died

after World War II,

and it was closed for many years,

then a corporation bought it.

Now it's being turned into

luxury condos.

Luxury condos.

So that's why it's empty, huh?

Yeah.

I'll tell you the truth Grant,

we are the last guests.

I bribed a management. They're

gonna start renovation on monday.

I gotta tell you I'm impressed.

This is a class-ass act.

Nothing but the best,

for the Annabell Dating Service.

What's up man?

My name is James Pettis.

I'm here to see Walter Grubbs.

Walter Grubbs... Let's see.

That's the editor in chief, right?

The editor in chief.

Call him.

What, now?

Now.

Well done you.

- Grubbs?

- Yeah.

Walter.

Mr. Grubbs,

your wall-clock

is 5 minutes fast.

What can I do for you Mr...?

Pettis, James Pettis. You can

help me save the world.

Ok, look pal, in two hours

I have a deadline, so, uh...

Listen, I... chose you Walter,

because you are a man of integrity.

I could've gone

to the New York Times,

I could've gone

to the Washington Post...

- but I chose, you.

- Can I make a suggestion?

- Sure.

- Can I make a suggestion here?

- You wanna save the world?

- Mh'hm.

Great. Write a letter.

Make it as juicy as you want,

and send it to my attention, ok?

I'll see if I can get you

a column in the...

"Letters to the Editor" section

on Saturday, ok?

Remember? The pen is mightier

than the sword, ok?

Ok, and, uh... Walter,

I've got a deadline too.

And in about two hours,

people are going to die.

Hey, Jack.

What's going on, Bobo?

Who is the lucky girl tonight?

Show me a little respect, will ya?

You know I got tires older than you?

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

Tires older than me?

I guess I could call

my grandmother.

Maybe she's looking for a date.

If your grandmother still looks

like you, I want you to do that.

You think it's easy

getting laid, hm?

What'd you think of that, Walter?

Well now, that is quite a story.

All right.

I'm gonna call the press room,

I'm gonna tell 'em to hold the presses.

You think you can make

the deadline?

Oh yeah,

story like this, absolutely.

Thank god

you didn't call The Times.

Butchers...

That's putting it kindly.

I'm gonna get a cup of coffee.

You want a cup of coffee?

You look tired, let me

get you a cup of coffee.

How do you take it?

Cream? Sugar?

Surprise me.

Ok.

Yeah, Mancini.

Hey, Walter.

What're you talking about?

- Walter.

- Jack.

Thanks for coming.

How's every little thing? Hm?

Listen... uh, I wanna introduce

you to J... Jimmy... Pettis.

Hey, Jimmy. Jack Mancini,

Grand Rapids Police Department.

How are you?

Walter.

Ah, relax about that.

I know Walter here for years.

Walter.

Besides, it's my night off.

He seemed mesmerized here

by your story, huh?

Hey, that's something.

He told me you... uh, you work

for the Grand Hotel, huh?

How long you've

been employed there?

You still work there?

What'd you do for work now?

Me?

I'm the...

head of General Motors.

So, what's all this

about a steam room?

Nothing...

Apparently, Walter.

Just that... 6 people are locked in one,

and in about 2 hours they're gonna die.

Let me get this straight.

You've got six people locked

right now in a steam room?

Ever sit

in 130 degrees, detective?

Do you know what happens

to the body in about two hours?

The lungs... melt.

The eyes cauterize.

If you wanna play Trivial Pursuit,

it's on your head, Walter.

All right, Pettis.

Call me Jimmy.

Oh, Jimmy.

Listen... uh,

let's take this slow, ok?

Walter and I are just

a couple of peons here...

and we're not... uh,

we're not men of great intellect...

like you, and... uh,

just tell us.

Why are you here?

According to the long count

of the Mayan calender,

history's gonna end in 2012, not

because of spiritual enlightenment,

hundreds of millions of people

are gonna die, that's fact.

Hundreds of millions of people

will to die... uh, how?

Global warming.

in the middle of December.

That's a fact. Three years.

The midwest will be under water,

swallowed by the great lakes.

Maize of corn will be sold

by the highest bidder.

Chaos, anarchy, the de-evolution

of society as we know it.

All for one

and not a soul for all.

De-evolution, chaos, anarchy.

It's gonna make New Orleans

look like a candy store.

Let me get this straight.

You've got 6 people locked

right now in a steam room,

because you think the world

is gonna end in 2012?

My calculations are quite precise.

- Global warming?

- Global warming.

Jimmy, the affects of global warming

are projected to occur for another...

In fact, detective,

the affects of global warming...

can be seen right now,

because they're being filmed.

Whoa...

You... you're filming what?

Who?

Hold on a second,

let's back up.

Jimmy, I'm gonna give

you what you want.

Alright? You want the front page?

I'm gonna give it to you, ok?

Above in bold, Walter,

above in bold.

- Right. Absolutely.

- So, we're in agreement?

You got your headline.

Now, here is what I want:

I want the names of the hostages,

right now.

I wanna know where they are.

I'm not naive, detective. I wanna

see my headline, in big bold print.

Then I'll tell you

where they are.

Proof.

xxx

Even Jesus and the Virgin Mary

decided to join the party, huh?

Hey, I'm Frank,

how you doing?

- Christopher.

- Christopher?

Good to meet you, brother.

- I'm Grant, what's up?

- I'm Christopher.

- Hey, how you doing, man?

- I'm Grant, good to meet you, Frank.

Ooh,

it's hot in here, huh?

So Pettis tells me that you're,

uh... drafted by the cowboys?

Somebody must have

turned up the steam,

temperature just went up

about a 100 degrees.

Hi, I'm Catherine.

- I'm Grant, nice to meet you.

- Pleasure.

- I'm Margaret.

- It's a pleasure, Margaret.

It's hot.

- I'm Christopher.

- Hi.

Here we go, here we go, yeah.

Yeah, come on.

Ahh...

Hey... Frank.

I have a suggestion.

Why don't we all say a few words

about ourselves and get acquainted?

It's a wonderful idea.

But, let's do it... fast.

Just a couple a sentences,

nothing more.

James Pettis,

if you're watching this.

I love you, man,

you're a f***ing genius.

Um...

I am an actress,

a former actress,

it... it didn't all work out

the way I'd hoped.

I'm from... New York,

as in Manhattan.

Likes...

I like things dangerous... um,

I like falling in love.

That'd be dangerous.

Dislikes?

When it's over.

Ok, my turn. Um...

ex football player,

I run a charter boat

outside Detroit,

I'm from Dallas, Fort Worth

originally.

Likes...

Viagra.

Dislikes...

the fact I need viagra.

Just keeping it real, Frank.

I own an Italian restaurant

in Brooklyn.

Is it yours, or is it

just management, or?

Ha... that's funny.

Yeah, you're funny.

Listen, anybody comes

to New York, I hook you up.

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