The Three Stooges in Orbit

No object in the endless sea of space

has aroused man's curiosity...

...more than the planet Mars.

In particular,

the shape and form of Martian life.

For centuries, astronomers

have searched in vain...

...to solve this mystery.

It has challenged the creativity

of the world's greatest writers...

...and the imagination

of its most gifted artists.

Some envisioned Martians

as huge, birdlike beasts.

Others described fantastic

serpents of incredible size...

...grotesque, tentacled creatures.

Shapes, sizes and forms beyond

man's wildest imagination.

Animal, vegetable, mineral...

...even mechanical creatures

of enormous destructive power.

But all this is conjecture.

At last, you will learn the simple truth

about life on Mars.

As Normandy Productions

lights the fuse...

...that put The Three Stooges

in Orbit.

Where you will meet the true image

of the men from Mars.

Hollywood, California.

Glamour capital of the world...

...where movie history was first

written by such greats as Valentino...

...Fairbanks, Pickford.

Today a new chapter television.

And carrying on in the tradition of the

immortals, we find....

Hey, hey, Caruso. You want

the manager should hear you

If she finds out we're cooking

in the room, we're goners.

You know the trouble we had

finding this place.

You better start cooking

for the TV show for tomorrow.

Or you'll answer to me.

-Now sound off.

-Okay, chief.

Hello, everybody! It gives me pleasure

on this monotonous occasion--

Hey, hey, it's momentous.

Mo-mentous.

What are you giving me two words for

when I have enough trouble with one

I smell cooking in there.

-Battle stations.

-Open the door, or I'll use my keys.

Let old buzzard-face in.

Hey, jughead!

The hat, the hat!

Oh, Miss McGinnis,

you're looking the same as ever.

Thank you.

Now, I know I've detect

the odor of cooking in this

room, which this hotel

will not tolerate!

Cooking What a lively imagination.

I dare say it's the aroma

from the beanery across the street.

It floats in here all day long.

Well, you know the rules,

and as the manager here, I....

Do you have to play that so loud

-Well, you know what this means.

-Yeah, it means goodbye.

Bye!

Now remember, the last place was

the 10th place we were thrown out of.

So watch your p's and q's!

Wait a minute,

get a load of this.

Lonely retired gentleman desires

boarders. Home cooking.

Home cooking!

Where is this idyllic habitation

-Oh, those kind of words you can say

-Yeah.

-Why.... Where is it

-It's Hawk Hill Manor in Lompoc.

Lompoc

Well, Lompoc, here we come!

Boy, oh, boy!

An echo.

-Looks like a country club for zombies.

-You ought to know.

-Did you hear that

-Yeah.

Wait a minute,

I heard it the first time.

Welcome to Hawk Hill, gentlemen.

I'm Professor Danforth.

You came in answer

to my advertisement

-Yes, we did.

-Quite a cozy place you got here.

Thank you. Great-grandfather built it

over 100 years ago.

No! It doesn't look

a day over 98.

Thank you, and won't you come in,

please

Okay.

As you can see, I've got

lots of room here, plenty of--

I see you're interested

in my new invention.

This, gentlemen, is my all-purpose

military vehicle.

The full-scale model is nearing

completion in my workshop.

I've been working on it for months.

Here are the plans.

This button operates it underwater.

This one propels it up in the air.

And this one puts it in orbit.

I think this guy's in orbit already.

Sorry, professor, but I'm afraid

we'd be in your way.

-We'll be seeing you.

-No.

No, wait, please. My days

are so lonely and monotonous.

It's momentous.

Hey, I said it!

Quiet.

It will be so nice to have earthlings

in the house for a change.

Pardon me,

did you say, earthlings

That's right. I'm often bothered

by a spy from outer space...

...who's trying to steal my plans.

A terrible-looking thing.

Claws instead of hands, a hideous

green face, sharp yellow fangs.

Oh, the regular monster type.

Monster

That's right, yes, exactly.

-Okay, professor, we'll stay.

-Yeah, sure.

-What have we got to lose

-Yeah.

Thanks. William will show you

to your tombs.

I mean rooms!

Moe

-About that professor--

-Don't pay any attention...

...to what the old guy said

about the spy from outer space.

He's been bending over those

diagrams too long.

Well, just the same,

I'm taking no chances.

-Where did you get that

-Off the wall.

Chicken. If anything happens,

I'll be across the hall.

Now get some shuteye. We gotta

be in shape for our show tomorrow.

-Good night.

-Good night.

On this monanimous occasion....

That's not right. Moninimous.

-Modinimous--

-Dream about it!

Turn out the lights, I'm bushed.

Moe, they're here!

-They're here!

-What are you yelling about

-They're here.

-They're here Who's here

-From outer space.

-You're off your rocker.

No, listen to me, Moe.

I'm telling you the truth.

Oh, Mable, you're here at last.

You swept me off my feet.

I'm being carried away.

I'm safe.

Safe in your arms, darling. Safe.

He's here.

The spaceman, I saw him.

A guy could get murdered.

-It'll be you if you don't let me sleep.

-Moe, please. Come on. I'll show you.

Come on, right in here.

I know it happened right over here.

I'll show you. Right there.

The claw came through there.

It looked just like a can opener.

Then it pulled the chain like that,

and then it went back in the wall...

-...and this covered the hole.

-Hole The hole is in your head.

Why can't you be like Larry,

sleeping like a baby

Move over, Larry, and let Joe in.

Move over, I said!

Now, any more trouble out of you, and

I'll give you something to yap about.

Look!

Gotcha!

Hey, I got him, Moe.

A tourist from Mars.

Yeah, sure, with a card

from the Diners Club.

Hey, lift him up.

I'll look for a rope.

-Hey, Moe, it's the butler!

-It's always the butler.

Here comes another one.

Hey, wait. Hey, it's Larry.

You're all right.

It was only a blow on the head.

Oh, my, what happened

That's him, that's the fellow

who tried to steal my plans!

No, he's innocent.

It was the butler.

He's got a space gun.

What did he say

Come on.

Well, I'm not afraid of that popgun.

That probably shoots corks.

Kazakoni yourself.

Got a long way to run, fellas!

You leave my machine alone.

Stop, I tell you--!

-Wait a minute, fellas.

-What do you mean

-We've got a long way to run.

-We don't have to run.

-We got a car outside.

-Yeah

-Yeah.

-The keys are in my pants upstairs.

Would you like to go get them

Well, like you say, Moe,

we've got a long ways to run.

Wait, wait, wait!

Martians!

Flying saucers!

FBI Never mind the clerks,

I want Mr. Welby.

-Welby here.

-Mr. Welby, I talked to you before.

Professor Danforth.

Yes, professor,

what can I do for you this time

That butler I told you

was after my invention

Well, he's from Mars, all right.

I just caught him talking to his boss

on closed-circuit TV.

I tell you, they're coming after us

with scads of flying saucers.

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