The Tiger's Tail

---

- Barry speaking.

- Yes?

Not the best of news, Liam.

The planners' ruling

is on the negative side.

- They dumped on us?

- Afraid so.

Though we can appeal, of course.

- F*** you, too!

- It's so unfair, Liam.

Look, it's utterly unreasonable

to blame me.

As your lawyer, I offer advice.

The decisions are yours.

Where did we go wrong, Larry?

I fixed the minister.

Two weeks in Florida.

Councillors got what they wanted.

What else could I do?

They take bribes,

but don't want to deliver.

It's immoral. What happened to good

old-fashioned honest corruption?

By the way, I got you a bottle of '82

Mouton Rothschild as a present.

- Thank you, Liam!

- Well, you're not getting it now.

Boss, I'm desperate. All these

businessmen are mean bastards.

Decant for a couple of hours

before drinking.

Lovely! Magic moments!

Don't shake that bottle like that.

Traffic moving where you are?

No. Is it black tie tonight?

Of course it is.

If we ever get there.

Liam, you never call.

I can't talk now, Ursula.

I'm in a meeting.

Liam, take a look to your right.

No, thank...

Liam, say something.

I've just seen myself

cleaning my windscreen.

You could talk your way

out of prison, you bastard.

- It means you're gonna die.

- What does?

Seeing your double.

- See you tonight. Bring him along.

- Who?

Your double.

I'd be interested in him.

Liam?

Gotta get out of this traffic.

Oona.

Hello?

Oona, are you alone?

Yeah, I am.

I'm outside.

What is it, Liam?

I'm seeing things.

What things?

You know, hallucinating.

Liam, you're overdoing it.

Where's your husband?

He does have a name, you know.

And where is he?

- The usual.

- Yeah.

- A few pints on him, then.

- Don't say it, Liam. Don't.

If he ever talks to you like that

again in front of me, I'll kill him.

He gets jealous.

Of what?

He gets jealous of you, Liam.

I'm your brother, for Christ's sake!

Is the traffic easing off?

Not really.

- Not there, Dad.

- Why not?

It's staring at me.

Thriller?

Thriller?

It thrills me.

Dialectical materialism.

Connor, you're not still at that?

Communism is totally discredited.

It's for victims.

It's over, washed up.

- Forget it!

- Then it's due for a comeback.

Now that capitalism's going down

the toilet.

Capitalism got you this house.

Got you your PlayStation,

your Game Boy, your iPod,

that orthodontist quack,

your mobile phone,

your laptop.

My skis.

Your skis.

Your golf clubs,

your moped...

You look ravishing.

Please don't ravish. It's taken me

two hours to get to this point.

Flowers are good, Liam,

but for a cancelled holiday,

I'd have expected a jewel at least.

Sorry. If I leave the country now,

the wolves'd close in.

Have you been torturing these lilies,

Liam?

Cheer up, Liam.

Try to look like your portrait.

To him, on his big night.

My God!

There he is.

Did you see that?

It's my face. It's him.

- Did you see anyone, Connor?

- He's losing it. Poor fella.

He's a victim of the internal

contradictions of capitalism.

Oh, shut up, Connor.

You can't go shooting people

just cos they look like you,

even if they're burglars.

Now put that thing away.

- Could it be you're projecting?

- What?

I mean, he's a projection of the part

of yourself that you hate.

That I hate?

For what you're doing.

And so you're trying to kill it off.

- Is that Marx or Freud?

- Just trying to help.

We're going to be late. Again.

A boy from the north side of Dublin.

Left school at 15 and renovated

a derelict house with his own hands.

- Liam, I can't hardly believe this.

- And he was off and running.

Older sister and a doting mother, no

wonder he thinks he can do no wrong.

That confidence helps him

take the knocks alright.

...with the big boys. And today,

he's changed the face of Dublin

with his stylish office blocks

and apartments.

James Joyce

wouldn't recognise the place.

Aren't you proud of your father,

Connor?

To make this fella rich, thousands

of people had to get poorer.

- Don't be a spoilsport.

- He's right.

He's had a few reversals,

but he's persevered and put together

a company that is the envy

of his fellow developers.

The Irish Enterprise Award

goes to Liam O'Leary!

If you mention your mother,

I'll never speak to you again.

The Grainne Whaol Award!

Thanks, lad. Thank you.

Thank you.

I'd like to dedicate this to the mammy

who's watching on television.

This is for you, Mam.

A round of applause for Mammy!

Well, we've all had pretty good times

the last few years in Ireland.

We've all made a few bob out of it.

But it is getting tougher.

And rougher.

We've got the Celtic tiger

by the tail,

and if we let go, it's gonna turn

round and bite us in the arse.

There is no standing still

in the dynamics of capitalism.

We either continue to move forwards

or we're already moving back.

Now, I want to build

a new national stadium.

State of the art.

It is my dream to bring

European soccer to Ireland.

I've bought a 50-acre

greenfield site.

I paid 45 million euro for it.

A few meadows.

Now our esteemed planners are telling

me I can't build my stadium there.

What am I supposed to do,

grow spuds on it?

Well, do you want

a new national stadium or not?

- New!

- Do you want it or not?

Yes!

Then if you're sitting beside

one of our ministers,

get working on him. Thank you all.

Thanks a lot.

Liam!

Bad luck with your planning

permission, Liam.

But it clears the way for my stadium

scheme. Want a little stake in it?

Tell you what, Bertie... Thanks, lad.

You'll never be me.

Go and buy yourself some charisma.

Your lipstick's smudged.

You were glorious, Liam.

Over the top, but that's what they

expect of you, the common touch.

Speaking of which,

that blowsy Ursula was throwing

herself at you in front of me.

- Is something going on?

- She's alright.

She's a good friend, Ursula.

There he is. That guy.

I've got to sort this out now.

You go ahead. I'll get a cab.

Is he falling apart, Mum?

He's just a bit jumpy, love.

Connor!

We're on Cheryl's hen night

We're on Cheryl's hen night

Come on, go home!

We're on Cheryl's hen night

Listen to me, stop it! Stop it!

You're not coming in, y'hear me?

Get off! Get off!

I need help!

What're you doing looking at my girl?

Go away! Leave him alone.

He's just a kid, for Christ's sake!

- I'll sort you out!

- I'll break your f***ing head!

Mind your own business!

Over here, Liam!

What?

- What are you doing here?

- Following you.

- Did you see him? You must have.

- Who?

- Why are you following me?

- In case you need help.

- You're such a good kid!

- Dad! They'll think I'm a rent boy!

- Come on, we'll go home.

- You've got to have seen him!

I'll find him. I'll show you.

He's my double.

Do you think there are other realities,

Dad? Other dimensions?

There are more things

in heaven and earth, Horatio.

Right on. Do you still believe in,

like, God?

I do. I just don't like

what he gets up to.

Toilet. Connor, watch the door.

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