The Tiger's Tail Page #4

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will you turn that f***ing light off?

Liam O'Leary destitute. The bigger

they come, the harder they fall.

Get a mattress there for yourself.

As you can see, there's no beds.

And you can't fall lower than this.

This is the bottom of the barrel.

You! Put your f***ing light off!

Felim?

Felim! It's me.

Liam.

Liam O'Leary.

Remember?

I dropped you a 20-spot yesterday.

No way.

Do you remember me?

Shall I bring the collection box

up to the house, Father?

Shall I, Father?

You mad f***!

Now, now, there, there.

Look.

Take a pull out of this.

What is it?

All kinds of everything.

Blessed oblivion.

Steady, steady, steady.

Buttercups and daffodils

- And little things...

- Lights out!

That was careless.

Leaving your stolen vehicle outside

for all the world to see.

No, no, this is a mistake.

No, I'm not him, I'm me.

Felim, tell 'em.

Rot in hell, Father.

I'm arresting you on charges

of impersonation, fraud,

theft of a vehicle, breaking

and entering with intent to rob.

You have the right

to remain silent...

I had me doubts, alright.

There's no way

he could be Liam O'Leary.

To each according to his needs.

Dad.

Redistribution of wealth.

That time again.

Don't turn it into a political debate.

Give him his pocket money.

Am I being fined? For what?

Got to go.

Liam?

You forgot your coat.

Oh, God, I hope you're not getting

like your mother.

It is Jane, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

Your phone list runs into two pages.

Planning officer wants to know

will you re-appeal the decision on

the stadium or go for a judicial review?

What shall I tell them?

I'll let you know. Sorry, sore throat.

I want a list of all employees

in accounts.

Bingo!

Here they are. Anything else?

There's something for your throat.

Send Declan in.

The police called. They found your car

in the Wicklow Hills.

I told the guards to tow it in.

What were you doing up there?

What have we got in hand?

What's the bottom line,

the cash situation?

Well, at least you're asking

instead of avoiding the issue.

We need a legal opinion.

We should send for Larry.

You should take something

for that throat.

The additional charges of resisting

arrest and assaulting a garda

make this a very serious case indeed.

Wake him up, escort.

Given your confused

and bizarre account,

I'm going to remand you in custody

pending a psychiatric report.

Do you understand?

The land for the stadium

has really stretched us.

We only have five in it.

The bank has 40.

No problem if we can win an appeal.

But as it stands, the bank

won't lend us another cent.

If I wasn't so nice, I'd be saying,

"I told you so. "

You did, Sally, you did. She did.

- Get on with it.

- Yeah.

We have a big loan

on the Ringsend office block.

And with only 35 percent occupancy,

we're not even covering the interest.

So how much do we have in hand,

cash?

If we had to scrape it together

from all sources,

how much would it come to?

Liam, all we have is overdrafts

and loans.

Unless you can sweet-talk the bank

into rescheduling our debt,

we can't pay the wages next month.

Cars. What about cars?

Cows?

Cars!

They're all leased! You know that.

More tax-efficient. Him.

Go for the appeal, Larry.

Well, before I commit to what

will be a time-consuming brief,

I owe it to my partners

to ensure our fees are secured.

And it seems that you...

Not a prostitute, no. More a courtesan.

Regular gentlemen.

A judge, a cabinet minister,

a property developer.

Specialised, you see.

Certain practices. Certain specialties.

Men at the top have particular needs,

do you see?

Very discreet always, like a priest.

My boudoir of the confessional.

But since they put me in here

to shut me up, I'm naming names.

Naming names.

Spank and tell, I call it.

Trouble is, no one believes a nutter.

What is a nutter?

Anyone who's in the nuthouse.

Arthur Dunne.

- Excuse me, Nurse.

- What do you want?

I'm just in here for assessment.

- So?

- Well, I've been waiting all day.

He won't see you now. He does

his private practice in the afternoons.

You know, rich neurotics.

- Nutcases in the mornings.

- Bertie Brennan.

- Rob Quigley.

- Did you say Bertie Brennan?

- Your man, the property developer?

- Bertie, yes.

Likes dressing up in babies' clothes,

sucks titty.

You don't have any photographs,

by any chance?

Of course I do. That's my pension.

I'm on my way to your office, Liam.

For your appointment with Dr Loden.

Don't argue. Do it for me.

I'll pick you up.

So that's what your wife thinks.

What do you think?

She's very clever.

She's probably right.

That your memory loss

is stress-related.

Must be.

What kind of stress are you under?

Well, this character who looks like me

is trying to take over my life.

- Made me wonder about things.

- What kind of things?

Well, if he did take over my life,

would anyone notice the difference?

I mean,

if you can be somebody else, does

that mean you're no longer yourself?

Do you change

into that somebody else?

Does that mean the person

you used to be is kind of,

well, dead?

Role playing is something we all do.

Well, we're all just actors, then,

and there's nothing at the centre?

It's me and nobody else?

If you are religious,

you'd call it your soul.

What's that?

A warm, fluffy little thing

tucked inside somewhere?

Do you take credit cards?

Yes. Not American Express.

That's a relief. I feel much better.

- You still have 30 minutes.

- Give me a discount, then.

Come on, beddy-byes. Everyone on

their feet. Come on, let's go. Let's go.

I don't belong here! Let me go!

There's someone out there

trying to take over my life!

You're a different person.

More like the person you used to be.

Was he a help, Dr Loden?

He said there's no me or you.

We make it up, who we are.

It's all pretence.

But when you make love like that,

you're totally alive

and completely yourself,

whoever you are.

Are we falling in love

all over again?

Feels like the first time.

Better than.

Identity theft is one thing.

Passports, credit cards, etc.

But did you really believe

that you could take over Mr O'Leary's

house and family, even his job?

No, no. That's what he's doing to me.

Look, he... I am Liam O'Leary.

He is not.

I can prove it.

And how would you do that?

Give me just ten minutes in a room

with him and my wife.

Well, I can't see Mr and Mrs O'Leary

agreeing to that.

When you were a child, did you have

fantasies about being someone else?

Yeah. I thought I was a fish.

Take patient X back to his zone

and maintain the medication at 10mg.

All I'm saying, Jim,

and this is not a threat,

all I'm saying is, if you drive us

to the wall, if we go under,

you go down with us.

I don't think so.

I'd advise you to listen to Bertie's

proposal. Drop your scheme

and hitch a ride with him.

It's the only way I can see

to rescheduling your loans.

OK, gotcha. We'll sort it out.

Can I get a couple of grand cash

on the way out, just to tide me over?

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