The Tiger's Tail Page #5

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Jeez.

Gotcha!

Take it! Be happy.

Men used to come to me

to relieve their stress,

but these pills do a much better job.

- I don't belong here.

- I can see that.

You're all twisted and angry

like the sane people outside.

All better?

...duty as Assistant Governor,

in accordance with government policy,

in order to reduce expenditure,

all non-violent patients

will be released forthwith.

I'd like you to know that I,

and our professional body,

are fundamentally opposed

to this policy.

However, we've no choice

but to implement it.

Right, to those of you

who are not remaining with us,

best of luck to you.

Yes. Right.

T Ash.

E Aspall. H Haughey. U Balan.

M Balding. N Bales.

Excuse me, Nurse. When do I see

the psychiatrist again?

- I'm just here for assessment.

- Are you patient X?

No, my name is O'Leary.

Don't sh*t me. You are X.

X is on the list.

X is outta here.

You're an ex-patient, like it or not.

G Ballard. T Byrne.

M Barton. N Beatty.

- There's no peace out here.

- No, there isn't.

- That must be worth a bit.

- Can't really say.

I'll send you a written offer.

Look, how much for the lot?

Ballpark figure.

That's something I'd have to discuss

with my partners.

How about a cash deposit?

I really can't do that.

Perhaps you'd prefer to do business

with somebody else.

- You selling up, Dad?

- Yeah. We're down-sizing.

Does Mum know?

She's more of an up-sizer.

These should fetch a bit.

I took up golf because you said you'd

play with me. But you never did.

Like sailing the boat. You promised

you'd teach me to sail, but no.

No time!

The boat.

I'd forgotten about the boat.

You're supposed to be my father!

- That's it, I've had it!

- Connor?

Connor, what is it?

I'll be right down, OK?

- Hello, darling. Are you going out?

- Meeting at the office.

Don't be late.

Can I borrow your car?

Jane?

What could you ever see

in someone like me?

Well, I love you.

Nothing else matters.

I know who you are.

Or who you're not.

You don't have to pretend any more.

No.

Perhaps it's better that you do.

Goodbye, Jane.

- Where are you going?

- What do you care?

I do care. Connor, listen. I do care!

I haven't been around very much.

I'll make it up to you.

How much will you get

for my golf clubs?

Anyway, I'm leaving home.

I'm opting out of the system.

- Leave me alone!

- Wait, wait.

I don't want your money. It's tainted.

- Have you told your mother?

- I left her a note.

Remember Father Andy at the centre?

If you get into trouble, he'll help.

I'm not a Catholic any more.

You know nothing about me.

How much?

20 euros?

That's very little.

Can you not do better?

Best we could do now is 25.

Hi, Connor.

- What's up?

- I've left home.

Cool!

I thought maybe I could stay.

That's not a football club.

That's an exploitation machine.

Can't you see that you're a victim

of cynical capitalism?

That shirt's like a sign saying,

"I'm a total idiot. "

"I give greedy people my money with

a smile. " Or a grin in your case.

Don't! Don't! He's just weird.

And a communist.

An actual, like, member of the party.

Can you believe that?

Liam! You're back again.

Not Liam. The other one.

The prodigal son returns.

Where's the fatted calf?

I need money.

You can have whatever I have.

You have a right to that.

Is that all you want, money?

Is that what you came looking for?

Liam says you're trying to hurt him.

Is that true?

Why did you keep him

and give me away?

See, he was sickly. You were strong.

I was 15. I couldn't keep you both.

I couldn't even keep him.

I had to give him to my mother.

There hasn't been one day of my life

where I haven't...

...wondered and worried about you.

And I don't even know your name.

My name is none of your business.

Was she...

Was she good to you,

the woman who?

- My mother?

- No, I'm your mother.

No, you're not. She was.

- Was?

- She's dead!

Don't you! You're a grown man!

Haven't you got a life?

Big hulking fella like you?

Have you got nothing better to do

than come here

upsetting other people's lives?

Hurting them

and wanting what they have?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

You've had hard times.

Will you not tell me about yourself?

- Are you married?

- Divorced.

No kids.

She got the house.

I took to drink. Lost me job.

Living on the street.

End of story.

How did you find us?

If you had taken me instead of him,

I'd have what he has.

Well, I didn't, did I?

I'll make you a cup of tea, then

we'll go to the bank for the money.

- That's Bertie Brennan?

- Good Jesus!

Sally, I want two copies.

One to bring Bertie to heel,

the other for Jim Brady at the bank.

The woman's number is on the back.

Take care of her.

Find her a place to stay.

- It would be my pleasure. Yes!

- Declan.

Tell Bertie he'll get his photo once he

drops his objection to our stadium.

Tell Jim... How much

do we want to cover the wages?

- 50.

- Be in our account by tonight.

Submit the planning appeal.

We won't have much trouble now.

- Right. Liam...

- Liam, your sister Oona on line two.

Hiya, Oona. Yeah?

Right, don't panic. Are you OK?

I'll be right there.

Liam, you're not going already?

Liam, I've been meaning to ask you.

I know you don't...

I know you don't employ couples,

but how would you feel about Sally

and I getting married?

- But you are married, Declan!

- Divorcing, Liam, divorcing.

- How does Sally feel about it?

- She's not that keen.

That solves that one, then.

I don't even know

how you take your tea.

Drink up and then

we'll go to the bank.

I don't want your money.

What are you going to do?

Disappear.

Don't go. Please.

Your brother...

What was he doing here? Get in!

What am I doing here?

You!

Get up!

Bastard!

It's OK.

You win.

You can have your life back.

Oh, no!

You took it. You keep it.

And all that goes with it.

Why?

- Because she loves you, not me.

- She can't tell the difference.

Yes, she can. She knows who you are.

You're doing this for her, aren't you?

And you love her, don't you?

I'll arm-wrestle you for her.

No. I'll wrestle you for the beer,

though.

Damn it! All I wanted was to punish you,

grab some of the cash,

and get out.

Punish me? Why?

For being you instead of me.

Now you are me.

All those debts.

I fixed all that.

A bum like me can't run a business

like that.

You don't have to. Sally runs it.

Every office in this town has an

underpaid Sally holding it together.

We should let her in on it.

Give her a pay rise.

What about you?

Send me a few bob now and again.

When you have it.

Two more pints.

Hello?

It's for one of you.

Gonna miss you. Hello?

OK, alright, OK, I'm coming!

Liam!

Liam?

- Did you call an ambulance?

- 20 minutes ago.

Whatever he's taken,

he's taken a lot of it.

Connor! Connor! Connor!

How long has he been like this?

Don't know. We found him outside.

What do you want to do?

- We'll take him in my car.

- Eddie, get the door.

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