The Visit
(click)
(microphone thumping)
WOMAN:
At the end of high school,
I fell in love with
a substitute English teacher.
It was quite a scandal.
Corin didn't start out
a bad guy though.
We were together
about 10 years
and we had two kids.
And then he fell in love
with someone in a Starbucks
and moved to
Palo Alto, California.
Kind of severed relations
with the three of us.
My parents,
if I were defending them,
which I'm not,
had said back in the day
that he had an "impatient eye."
They didn't like him.
Week I left,
things... escalated.
which was, like, crazy unusual.
And it ended one afternoon
very badly.
I left at 19.
Haven't spoken
to my parents
in 15 years.
Whatever.
That's just the history.
Recently, my parents
looked me up on the Internet.
Asked to meet
their grandchildren.
Spend a week with them.
They have a counseling Web site.
(chuckles)
People love 'em.
Ironically,
they counsel people,
which is a hoot.
Whatever.
I told the kids.
They said they wanted to go.
I told them I didn't
want them to go. They said
they were gonna go anyway.
They're brats.
What can I tell you?
And my 15-year-old
wants to make a documentary
about this.
GIRL:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Go back.
Describe the events
on the day you left
your parents' farm at 19.
I did something
I don't choose to tell you.
If they choose to tell you,
that's their right. Okay?
GIRL:
I wanna do this
for you.
MOM:
Listen, they're good people.
Ask them.
Can I be done with my part?
I still gotta
get you guys packed.
(speakers:
chorus vocalizing)
I'm on the text
with two separate girls.
It's important
you put the word
"separate" in there,
in case we thought
they were conjoined twins.
MOM:
Explain "on the text."
GIRL:
In communication.
Nothing more.
No, they're on deck.
You are 13!
There's no deck to be on.
GIRL:
I've seen him in the shower.
That's eerily accurate.
You don't even
have b*obs!
Stop, both of you!
I need to text.
(laughs)
It's one week.
Your phones won't work
all the way out there.
You'll be home Saturday.
GIRL:
Are you holding
my camera properly?
Swerve, girl.
Okay?
Oh.
(bell tolling)
(track bell ringing)
(no audible dialogue)
GIRL:
Our mother, Loretta Jamison,
is dating an eligible
and rather rakish-looking man
He's in love with her.
We've decided
to promote this union
by giving them time.
They're going on a trip.
Mm-hmm.
We're visiting
our grandparents,
whom we have never seen.
We don't know
their temperament
or their proclivities.
Yeah.
And we don't even know
what they like.
They--
They could be scrapbookers.
They could think
boy bands are cute.
- Ticket?
- GIRL:
Two for Masonville, PA.
Our grandparents
are meeting us.
You a, uh, film prodigy?
You know, I used to be
a pretty good actor.
GIRL:
Oh, my, uh--
my camera light's blinking.
"I am disgraced, impeached
and baffled here."
Battery pack is low.
"Pierced to the soul with
slander's venomed spear--"
Unfortunately,
I'm just gonna have to
shut the camera off.
(microphone rumbling)
(door closes)
Since our father left,
my-- my brother's had
a preoccupation with germs.
The psychologist
we saw for a month said it was
his way of controlling things.
(door opens)
(imitating beats)
(rapping)
Girl, I'm chillin' again
I'm feelin' again
I'm like Iron Man
and Batman
I'm a hero again
Oh
You think I'm little,
but last month I grew
an inch and a quarter again
You think you're
too good for me,
but that's really a joke
'Cause, see,
that doesn't bother me
'Cause I'm not
a sensitive bloke, oh
Now, in the end,
you'll be in my bed,
we won't be just friends
You'll write
inappropriate texts
and hit "send"
We share a Starbucks
Frappuccino blend, oh
And see, this isn't
just philosophy
It's based on science,
you see
Mr. Singh, my pediatrician,
just confirmed for me
You tall skanks,
Ho
Ooh!
Whoo!
Pound.
Whoa.
Maybe I can rap at the end
of your documentary.
GIRL:
Right.
Because that's how
all Oscar-winning
documentaries end--
with songs of misogyny.
GIRL:
This is where
our mom grew up.
When she left,
she thought she was with
the man of her dreams.
(bell tolling)
WOMAN (laughing):
Oh!
Hi.
Hi.
(laughs)
MAN:
Becca, right?
Yeah?
BECCA:
Oh!
This is
Marja Bella Jamison.
Uh, my-- my nana.
She's a good cook.
And, uh, we--
we have the same eyes.
And this is Fredrick
Spencer Jamison.
My-- My Pop Pop.
He's a farmer now,
but they also volunteer
as counselors.
BECCA:
How do you feel about
your new grandparents, Tyler?
It's all good.
I mean, they don't even know
who One Direction is, so--
Nana, d-did you
make these pretzels?
Yes, I did.
(Pop Pop laughing)
NANA:
Thank you so much.
(kisses)
Yes.
NANA:
Here we are.
(car doors
opening, closing)
(Pop Pop sighs)
BECCA:
Tyler, look!It's Mom's tree swing.
Okay, on camera,
tell us what Mom told you.
She used to wait out here
on this when her friends
would come over.
BECCA:
This isto open the documentary.
Go near it.
Wait!
Wait, don't touch it.
Just let it
organically swing.
(hinge creaking)
BECCA:
We're entering the home
that Mom grew up in.
(Nana, Pop Pop
talking, faint)
Look!
There's the clock
that she told us about.
(ticking)
Do you play sports?
I don't like sports.
He used to.
What do you do?
Why are your pants
so low?
I rap.
It's a form
of modern poetry.
If you give him a topic,
he'll extemporaneously
rhyme on the subject.
His stage nom de plume
is "T-Diamond Stylus."
Go ahead.
Nana, give him anything.
Is food okay?
I like food.
Yeah.
Of course.
How about...
pineapple
upside-down cake?
Yeah.
Sure. Why not?
Okay.
(chuckles)
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
The girls, they like me
They think I'm sweet
like candy
One girl looked at me
like I was a Hershey... bar
Her name was Angie
And a few tall girls,
they just looked at me
blankly
So here's the thing
you gotta understand
about me
I got more rhymes
than a beehive has bees
So it didn't surprise,
confuse or make me say
"For heaven's sake"
When a Hawaiian girl
"You remind me of a pineapple
upside-down cake"
Ho!
POP POP:
Whoa!
(both laughing)
Yes, sir!
Yeah?
BECCA (whispering):
Mom's room.
POP POP:
It's not fancy.
I call the main bed.
BECCA:
No pre-calls!
No, no, no! I got here first!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Rock-paper-scissors?
Okay.
TOGETHER:
Rock, paper, scissors!
Shoot!
Do it again.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Shoot.
(chuckles)
Have a nice rest
all the way over there.
(Tyler sighs)
You guys are good kids.
This is gonna be a great week.
By the way,
there's mold in the basement.
We don't want you guys
to get sick. Yeah.
I-I got, like, no bars!
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"The Visit" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_visit_21587>.
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