The World's Fastest Indian

66...

67...

68...

69...

70...

71...

72...

73...

74...

75...

76...

77...

78...

79...

80...

81...

82...

83...

84...

85...

86...

87...

88...

89...

90...

Burt. Shut that

bloody thing up.

Do you know what time

it is? Burt!

Burt! You stupid old bastard!

What do you think

you're doing?

Sorry George,

what did you say?

Do you know what time it is?

I'm sorry, I've got a heck

of a lot to get done today.

And you know what they say.

"The early bird catches the worm".

Well, if you do this again,

one more time, I'm calling the cops.

And how about

mowing your lawns?

Is a bloody disgrace

to the neighborhood.

Oh, alright.

Hi, kid.

Here we are, the...

perfect recipe...

two of Chevy...

one of Ford.

I think those '36 Chevy pistons...

must have a touch of titanium

or something in them.

They come up real good,

you know.

Hey the kettle's boiling.

Make yourself useful,

make some tea.

Can we have a biscuit too?

- What?

- Can I have a Gingernut?

Yeah, you know where they are,

help yourself.

Now you stay over there,

stay there.

- Right.

- What are you doing for Christmas, Burt?

Christmas? I don't know.

Why?

Are you angling

for a present or something?

- No, I wondered if you were going away.

- No...

no time for Christmas, lad.

Got a lot of work to do.

I only managed twenty seven

test runs this year.

You know, twenty four on the beach

and three on the road.

All illegal like.

I was going a bit over the speed limit,

I'll have to admit.

- How fast were you going?

- I don't know, I haven't a clue.

Thas why I have to get up

to Bonneville.

Found out how fast she will go.

Now, there you go.

Got to get the piston out

of the mould...

and Bob's your uncle.

Right, this is...

the last part

of the operation now.

To chill the metal.

It heat treats it.

Right, watch yourself.

Thas where I got the water

for the kettle from.

Well, you know, it gives the tea

a nice tang of titanium, doesn't it?

Now this bloke,

he once asked me...

"How do you heat treat your pistons?"

And I said:
"I don't, mate"...

I just, you know, bung them

in cold water and Bob's your uncle".

And he said:

"Well, thas the heat treatment"...

and he just laughed and

shook his head and walked away like.

Well, look this could be

the perfect piston.

It blooming well ought to be,

I've made hundreds of them.

Look at them all up there,

all blown to smithereens.

- You made all those?

- Yeah, I did. Look perfect.

Beautiful, no inclusions see?

Now Tommy, does your mother have

a carving knife I could borrow?

Carving knife? Yeah?

Yeah.

I need a good sharp knife.

Hang on.

- Thomas, what are you up to?

- Nothing, Mum.

Can I have some bread

and peanut butter?

Ok, but make sure you put everything

away when you've finished.

Sorry about that.

Tom.

- Don't forget the wood.

- No, Mum.

Right.

I hope to get as much...

rubber off as possible.

It has to be perfectly bald,

like that, you see.

- Why's that?

- Well, at high speed...

the centrifugal force...

expands the tyre and...

it rubs against

the frame of the bike.

Have to be careful not to cut

through the cords though.

- Why do you pee on your lemon tree?

- What?

Why do you pee on your

lemon tree?

- Who says I do that?

- Mum says she sees you...

every morning and

she goes on and on about it.

Does she?

Well, is good for it. You shouldn't

waste anything in this world, sonny.

- Well, I'd better be off home.

- Alright then.

Mum gets a bit cross if

I stay over here too long.

She does.

- Are you finished with the knife?

- Not yet, I'll drop it by later.

No, don't do that,

I'll pick it up after school tomorrow.

Alright.

- Bye.

- Cheerio.

- Burt Munro.

- Yeah.

I believe you have

my carving knife.

- Oh yes.

- And my sharpener.

Hang on, here we are.

Well, thanks a lot, love.

G'day Frank. How are you?

Oh not bad, could be better,

could be worse.

I see your front tyre's going

a bit flat on you there, Burt.

Yeah, well, the good news is,

is only flat on the bottom.

I'll see you tomorrow night

for the fun and games.

Ill be a good one.

Hello, Fran.

- Give us the lot will you? The usual.

- One pension check. Coming up.

Fran...

I want to ask you a question,

the answer to which is...

a definite yes.

- Alright, Fran?

- Alright.

Yes.

What is the question, Burt?

Would you feel inclined to,

you know, accompany...

an impeccable young gentleman

to a local do tomorrow night?

You're asking me on a date,

Burt Munro?

Well, yeah, I suppose

I am actually, aren't I?

- Would you?

- You're on.

- Hello, son.

- Hey, Burt.

Thas disgusting.

It is, isn't it?

All dressed up

for the do tonight...

and I couldn't get

my best shoes on...

because my toe nails had grown

like oyster shells.

Alright...

this should do the trick.

There, look at that.

Little twinkle toes.

- Thanks, Burt.

- Right on.

- Evening, Burt.

- Thank you...

- this is Fran.

- Hello, Fran.

Thank you very much.

- Hello, Duncan.

- Burt.

Just going to say hello and be back

in a second, love, alright?

- How are you?

- Bike going well?

Yeah, not too bad.

- Happy birthday, Burt.

- Thanks a lot, mate.

This is a bit of

a surprise, isn't it?

Would you like to buy

a raffle ticket or two?

- Whas it for?

- Porky the Pig plus two dozen beers.

We're raising money to send

Burt to the USA. Our mate, Burt.

Hello. Come on and dance.

- Whas this? The twist?

- This is the twist. You know the twist?

Come twist with me.

See you can twist.

- Thas it, thas it.

- This must be it, the atomic invasion.

Then the air clears

and the dust settles down.

You look outside,

have they leveled the town?

But there, in the yard...

so briskly alive...

stands Burt Munro's trusty...

old Indian Scout '45.

That was a wonderful

tribute to Burt.

Now come on Burt, we want you up

on stage, come on...

come on, up you come.

I hope all of you have bought

a raffle ticket tonight...

because we believe Burt will put

the Southland Motorcycle Club...

on the map.

Whas going on out there?

Get out of here.

Oh, dear.

Well folks, it looks like

I've cracked it, I've um you know.

You Burt Munro?

- What did he say?

- I said, are you Burt Munro?

Are you looking for old Burt?

I don't know,

anyone seen Burt anywhere?

Anyone seen Burt?

- No, he's...

- You are, you're Burt Munro.

You're the old codger,

rides the Army Indian right?

That old joker.

Burt Munro. Yeah.

Yeah, thas me I think.

Now the, ah, young fella,

the army Indian is a real dog...

what I've got is the...

genuine article,

the 1920 V twin Scout.

- Thas the one with the pedals, right?

- Don't put up with that, Burt.

No, well. Well, I don't know what sort of

push bikes you monkeys came into town on...

but I know my old timer would trash

the backsides of whatever they are.

- I don't think so, granddad.

- No.

Well, why don't you chaps

put your money where your mouth is?

You're on. You old coot.

- Looks like they've chickened out, Burt.

Rate this script:4.0 / 3 votes