The World's End Page #3

Oh!

The old brake lights! So called

because they're always breaking.

I'll get that sorted out,

Officer.

Can I see your license, sir?

Yup.

Ah!

You know what?

It's in my wallet.

And I left that

at the bloody gym!

Any other form of identification?

No, it's all in my sports bag.

That's bloody typical,

isn't it? Um...

I'll give you my name and address, you

can run me through the old system.

Go on then.

It's Peter Page.

48 Bishop's Gardens,

London, N2 T12.

Jesus, Gary! WTF? Why did

you give him my name?

I'm not gonna give

him my name, am I?

Suppose I get done

by the police?

You won't get done

by the police.

Gary, he will check the number

plate against his name!

I know. Why do you think

I gave him Pete's name?

Jesus Christ, Gary, I own a car showroom.

lam a junior partner.

This is...

Just trust me.

So, Mr. Page, what brings

you to Newton Haven?

Well, we're all from here. We're

just back to see the sights.

Have a crack at

the old Golden Mile.

Might get a bit messy.

Well, you make sure you get

that brake light fixed

and you might want to do

an emissions test, too.

Oh, and, Peter.

Don't make too much mess.

We won't!

Hmm.

I don't understand.

It's simple, Pete.

The car's still registered to

you, it has been since 1989.

But I've moved

three times since then.

I know, I changed

the log book.

Where do you think

all those points came from?

Jesus. You guys need to relax.

Do you know how much

trouble you could get into?

Do you know how much

trouble I'm already in?

What's that

supposed to mean?

Hey. What the hell is this?

Why are we even here?

We are here to

get annihilated.

Have you got any plans

for dinner at all?

Tonight, we will be partaking

of a liquid repast

as we wend our way

up The Golden Mile.

Commencing with an inaugural

tankard at The First Post,

then onto The Old Familiar, The

Famous Cock, The Cross Hands,

The Good Companions,

The Trusty Servant,

The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid,

The Beehive, The King's Head

and The Hole in the Wall

for a measure of the same.

All before the last bittersweet

pint in that most fateful terminus,

The World's End.

Leave a light on,

good lady,

for though we may return

with a twinkle in our eyes,

we will, in truth,

be blind drunk.

Come on!

Until 1840...

F***ing hell.

...this building was the site of

Newton Haven's first post office.

Until an enterprising

business fellow decided that

far from befitting the sending

and receiving of mail

it was perhaps better

suited as a humble taproom

where a weary traveler might get twatted.

Come on.

Ah!

It's like dja vu.

I don't remember this at all.

Has it been refurbished?

Been bought by a chain,

hasn't it?

Part of that nationwide

initiative to rob

small, charming pubs

of any discernible character.

Starbucking, man.

It's happening everywhere.

Can't take away

that smell, though.

I'm sure they tried.

Good evening, Raymondo.

The prodigal sons return. Eh?

Who's on the

guest list tonight?

Come again?

The guest ales.

We, sir, are doing The

Golden Mile and you have

the honor of drawing

first blood.

What do you recommend? There's one.

Crowning Glory.

Rather fitting.

How's that?

I'm Gary King.

What?

So tell me more.

About what?

Crowning Glory. Is it nutty?

Is it foamy? Is it hoppy?

Does it have a surprisingly fruity

note which lingers on the tongue?

Hmm. It's beer.

Hmm.

We'll have five

of those, please.

No. Sorry. Can we have four of

those and a tap water, please?

What?

I don't believe this,

a man of your legendary prowess

drinking f***ing rain.

It's like seeing a lion

eating some hummus.

That doesn't make any sense. I

know it doesn't make any sense.

You seriously have a problem with me

not drinking, after what happened?

I don't, but King Arthur does!

Oh, this'll be good.

What's King Arthur

got to do with it?

Do you honestly think that King Arthur

came back from the Battle of Hastings,

f***ing rocked up at Arthur's Castle...

Camelot.

...walked up to the bar

and went,

"Hello.

Could I have a tap water?"

No, because they didn't have

running water in Arthurian times.

Exactly. He would have had a mead.

The King Arthur of beers.

And I'm less of a man because

I choose to drink water?

Well, it's a bit

"ooh ducky", innit?

That's not very PC, Gary.

Get out of the '90s, Pete.

There's nothing "ooh ducky"

about being teetotal,

about walking into a pub

after a rugby match

and ordering a tap water at a bar packed

full of big ugly bastards wearing warpaint.

That, my friend, takes confidence, yeah?

I'm talking balls.

You said it, poof.

I don't know if you're aware of this,

Gary, but we are not teenagers anymore.

And God forbid you ever

have children, because if...

I might have kids.

Then you had better be ready

to take responsibility...

No. I mean I might have kids.

You remember Karen

Eggerton, who I f***ed?

She was two weeks late when her

parents emigrated to Normandy.

I never heard from her again.

She might have had a baby.

Imagine that? A French kid.

It's pointless arguing

with you.

To kids.

Wherever they may be.

Kids.

Kids.

Drink up. Let's Boo-Boo.

"Boo-Boo".

What is that?

You remember,

"Let's Boo-Boo."

You know, from Mr. Shepherd's

classroom, it said on the wall,

"Exit, pursued by a bear," you

know, from that Shakespeare play?

A Winter's Tale.

Yeah. What was it called?

A Winter's Tale.

That's it.

And if we needed to make a quick getaway,

we'd say, "Exit, pursued by a bear,"

and then it was,

"Exit, pursued by Yogi Bear,"

and then it was just,

"Let's Yogi and Boo-Boo,"

and then, "Let's Boo-Boo."

So you're saying we should go?

Yeah. It's sh*t here, innit?

Ah!

The Old Familiar.

Now this is a pub.

Yes.

This is more like it.

Like dja vu.

David, my man, have you heard the news?

Gary King is back in town.

Who's he?

How was the

funeral, Gary?

Your mum's funeral?

It's difficult to

put into words.

But if I had to choose

three, I would say,

"Really, really sad."

Oh, no, that's two,

isn't it?

How about,

"Really, very sad"?

It's a shame,

she was a good woman.

I really liked your mum.

Me, too, mate. Me, too.

Hello.

Hello, mate.

Are you here?

Yeah, I've been here for ages.

What are you talking about?

You get lost on the

ring road again?

This is Newton Haven.

What time are you meeting The Twins?

Twins?

We're all at The Old Familiar.

Come by if you want.

Yeah, he is. Okay.

See you soon.

Who was that, O-Man?

Don't call me O-Man, Gary.

If you must know it was Sam.

Sam's here?

Sam's here?

Is there a f***ing echo in here?

Yes, Sam's here.

She's down from Manchester. We're

driving to Mum's tomorrow.

What, and she's coming here?

Calm down, Steve, I saw her first.

Jesus Christ, not this again.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I saw her first.

You really have a selective

memory, don't you?

Somebody else

was saying that.

Me. No. I would have remembered.

I told you I had

a thing about Sam

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