The World's End Page #4

and you proceeded to try and get

in her pants at every opportunity.

Guys, please.

You only liked her after

you found out I liked her!

That's right, because you

did the school play.

Cabaret. Cabaret.

Because she was in it.

And she wore those fishnet stockings

and you got a big boner on stage.

Jesus Christ.

Doesn't matter anyway, she always had

a massive wide on for Adrian Keane.

I hated that prick.

Can we not talk about

my sister in relation to,

A, massive wide ons,

B, Steven's erect penis?

All right.

Is she still fit, though?

I'm not answering that.

Is she, though?

Am I what?

Fit.

Hello, Sam. Steven? You've

grown, haven't you?

Yeah, sideways.

You look fantastic.

Steroids.

Andy, long time.

Hi, Pete.

Hi, Sam.

All right, big brother?

Gary.

Willkommen. Bienvenue.

Welcome.

Sam. Would you like a drink?

Hey, Steve. She's just got here.

Come on.

Sam. Would you like a drink?

I'll have a vodka tonic,

thanks, Steven. Sure.

I'm just going to nip to the loo.

Cool.

Nature calls.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I'm going to the toilet.

Well, then, so am I.

Gary! You are

out of your mind!

What are you talking about?

You gave me the sign.

What sign?

You went to the toilet.

Gary, are you serious? I

haven't seen you in 20 years.

Do you really think I'm going to have

sex with you in the ladies' toilet?

Well, the disableds

is out of order.

Gary. What happened?

I don't know,

maybe one of them put too many

paper towels down the toilet.

I mean, we don't know what they

are thinking, really, do we?

No. What happened to you?

Nothing.

Nothing happened to me.

I'm the same old Gary.

No sh*t.

Huh!

So, do you wanna?

Oliver. I'll see you later.

You're going?

I thought you weren't meeting The

Twins for another half hour?

I'm not. Oh, yeah.

I believe this is yours.

"Out of order."

It's a private joke.

I don't want to know.

- What is that?

- Modern art.

It's a memorial,

isn't it?

Yeah. To modern art.

Hey, guys, do you

know what time it is?

It's not even 6:
00.

Wrong! It's high time

we got onto The Cock!

Whoo-hoo!

Let's go.

Come on.

When you're ready, mate.

Oh, sh*t.

Look who it is.

Basil. Mad Basil!

Do you remember?

We used to come in here

and listen to him talk about f***ing UFOs

and lizard people and underwater Nazis.

Didn't he spout some

bullshit about the Bermuda Triangle

actually being a square?

No, he said it was two isosceles

triangles forming a rhombus.

He was your best mate,

wasn't he, Steve?

No, he wasn't my

best mate, Gary.

He was a lonely, old guy and

I felt a bit sorry for him.

That's right. Basil!

Maybe we're not the local

legends you think we are.

Gary King?

Speak for yourself, mate.

You're barred.

I cannot f***ing believe this.

This is ridiculous.

Believe me, Gary,

it's not worth it.

Have two in the next one. Have them

all in the next one, for all I care.

We've got to have one in every pub

otherwise the whole thing's f***ed.

I'd say it was fairly

f***ed already, mate.

Great.

How much more of this

do we have to endure?

That was three. There's nine more.

Oh, good.

F*** that

I need to eat something.

We can get some food

in the next pub.

As long as it's

reasonably healthy.

This is Newton Haven.

Hardly the heart of the

organic revolution.

I doubt it's the

heart of anything.

My wife wanted us to go organic,

problem is, I kinda like eating sh*t.

The next pub does sh*t!

Keep up!

Oh, yeah.

I remember this one.

- We had New Year's in here, didn't we?

- '89 into '90.

Isn't that when you

slept on the pool table, Andy?

Yeah. I believe it was.

For six hours.

Six hours.

Thank you for reminding me.

Do you remember

when you woke up,

we said you'd been asleep for

a year and that it was 1991

and you freaked out

and punched a clock?

That was a great night.

Didn't you manage to get off

with Erika Leekes, Peter?

Yes, I did. Something of a personal

triumph, if I say so myself.

She of the Marmalade Sandwich fame?

Marmalade Sandwich...

The very same.

Erika Leekes, Tracy Benson,

Becky Salt.

Two blondes and a redhead

in the middle.

The Marmalade Sandwich.

Becky Salt. F***ing hell.

Wonder what

they're doing now.

Why don't you ask them?

What do you mean?

I mean, sitting at that table over there are

two blondes and a redhead in the middle.

Shut the f*** up.

I'd say that's Erika Leekes on the

left, Tracy Benson on the right,

and by process of elimination,

there's Becky Salt in the middle.

That's the Marmalade Sandwich

all growed up.

That is very spooky.

We should get them over.

No.

Leave the past where it is.

It's bad enough having to

look at your old, ugly mugs.

You make it sound like

we're f***ing ancient.

We haven't changed that much.

I mean, sure, Steve's let

himself go a bit. What?

Pete's got the same haircut and Oliver

has still got his mark of the devil.

No, he hasn't.

No, he hasn't.

It's called

laser surgery, Gary.

It's a small price to pay for

not being called f***ing O-Man.

That works for Sisters Of

Mercy tattoos as well.

I still like the

Sisters Of Mercy.

Well, good job,

or you'd never go swimming.

I'm lost.

Don't be.

Well, I for one, think it's nice

to see the old faces again.

Cheers, mate.

Excuse me? This taken?

Is this seat taken?

Have it, mate.

Thanks.

Wasn't that...

Shane Hawkins.

Hey, didn't he...

Yes, he did.

Hang on. What happened

with Shane Hawkins again?

I'd rather not bring it all

up again, if that's okay.

Hey, man. Listen, Pete.

Bottling up past trauma

can lead to

inadequate coping strategies

in later life, apparently.

I don't know, I mean, it's not

even about the past, you know.

It's not about the fact

that he bullied me,

that he made me miss more

school days than chicken pox.

It's not even that he forced me to spend

entire lessons hiding in a toilet cubicle,

or that he punched me so hard

he dislodged my eyeball.

And it's not even that he ruined

a large portion of my childhood.

No, it's the fact that just

then, he didn't recognize me.

He looked straight through me

like it all meant nothing.

That probably sounds weird,

doesn't it?

Shots!

S-H-O-T-S. Shots.

What are you doing, Gary?

I thought it was obvious.

Shots.

Firstly, Peter was talking

about something

which clearly made him

feel very uncomfortable.

It's all right, Andy.

No, Peter, it's not all right.

Secondly, 12 pints is more than enough,

and thirdly, I don't f***ing drink!

But shots don't count,

do they?

You said you wanted

to catch up and chew the fat.

I think you just

wanted to drink it.

We're not here

as your friends.

We're just your

f***ing enablers.

Enablers. That's a funny word, isn't it?

"Enabler."

Gary King And The Enablers.

That's a good name for a band, Steve.

Write that down.

Don't do a Gary, Gary.

Oh, is that a thing now, is it?

It's always been a thing.

You don't need us to

help you get f***ed up,

you've done a perfectly

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