The World's End Page #6

You had a proper office.

That was the gents' toilets.

Nothing wrong with doing

your business in the toilet.

Look, a lot has changed since

you have left. I know.

How much do you know?

A little.

How much is a little?

The town has been taken over

by robots full of blue stuff.

Shh. Keep your voice down.

You don't even know

what you're talking about.

Tell us then.

Well, they're not robots.

Do you even know

what robot means?

Course I do. It's like,

"Hello, lam a robot."

It means "slave" and believe

me, they are not slaves.

Are you their prisoner?

No, lam very happy.

Tell your face.

Hey! What's going on?

The town's been invaded

by robots who aren't robots

and The Rev's their prisoner.

I am not.

We're leaving first thing.

We can get you out of here.

I'm not going. It's not what you think.

This is for all our benefit.

You've said too much, Trevor.

Yeah, put a cork in it, Trevor.

I'm just trying to help.

It's not your place to help.

They will have

everything in hand.

Are you guys robots?

Well, the word robot actually

comes from an old Czech word...

...robotnik...

...meaning slave.

And we are not slaves.

We are very, very happy.

And not robots.

Oh, my God,

are these guys robots?

Shut up about robots!

I say we shut up

about everything!

Trevor.

It's your supervisor.

Hello, Trevor.

Hello, sir.

But...

I understand.

Thanks a bunch.

What did I miss?

Your friends

trying to help.

We don't need

your help.

Well, what should we do?

I suggest you get

on your way.

I think we should

do what he says.

Okay.

Here we go.

Come on!

Gary.

Gary!

Let's just get in and

out of this one, yeah?

No more making new friends.

Gentlemen!

The prodigal sons return!

What will it be, one of

our guest ales perchance?

Might I recommend

five pints of Crowning Glory?

Rather fitting, wouldn't you say, Gary?

What? Sorry. What?

It's a delightful brew.

Hoppy, nutty, foamy.

Does it have a surprisingly fruity

note that lingers on the tongue?

You're obviously a connoisseur.

Then you'll already

know that it's a rare treat

for rogues, reverends, royalty

and all good folks between.

Five of those, please.

Welcome home, boys.

I don't remember him

being that friendly.

He's obviously

one of them.

How can he be?

He remembered me.

We don't know

what they remember.

Maybe they

have selective memories.

Yeah, like what's his name?

Me.

Maybe he's one of the others.

Like The Reverend.

It is very hard

to tell, isn't it?

Yeah, I mean, is he one of

them or is he one of them?

Wait, wait, which ones

are the thems again?

Well, they're both thems,

aren't they?

But there's two ways

of saying it.

Is he one of them or

is he one of them?

We need different terms.

One for the people who aren't robots and

one for the robots who aren't robots.

All right, we need to be able to

differentiate between them, them and us.

Yeah, I think the pronouns

are really confusing.

Yes. I don't even

know what a pronoun is.

It's a word that can

function by itself as a noun

which refers to something

else in the discourse.

I don't get it.

You just used one.

Did I?

Yeah. "it" is a pronoun.

What is?

It.

Is it?

Christ.

Look, we just need a f***ing word

so we can identify who's who.

He's a blank, she's a blank, those

two people are definitely blanks.

Sam.

I got this, Steve.

All right, Sam?

Oh, crumbs.

How's your night going?

Good. Sort of.

What do you mean

"sort of"?

Well, it's weird, isn't it?

You come back and everything's

the same, but sort of different.

Different how?

Just weird.

How weird?

What are you getting at, Gary?

Come with me.

F***'s sake, Gary,

take a hint.

It's all right, I'm not

trying to have sex with you.

Why are we in the

disabled toilets then?

There's something I need

to tell you right now,

unless you do

want to have sex,

in which case

I'll tell you afterwards.

Tell me right now.

Have you noticed anything

creepy about The Twins

apart from the fact

that they're twins?

Just because they're twins doesn't

automatically make them creepy.

It does a little bit.

You had sex with them.

A, I did not, and, B, how

did you know about that?

A, it's a small town, B, I'm not

stupid and, C, they told me.

Right. Well, I did once,

but I was wasted,

which was creepy because it was

like there was four of them.

I am not proud of it.

I am a bit.

Is this what you wanted to tell me?

No, this is...

Are you okay, Sam?

Are you okay, Sam?

I need a cigarette.

Nobots?

How about Fauxbots?

I think we should get away

from the whole robots thing.

Steven?

What's he up to?

Oh, don't worry, he's probably just

trying to f*** Oliver's sister.

Andy.

Oh, my God,

that man is full of sh*t.

I know that's not

a surprise to you.

What did he say, Sam?

What did he say, Sam?

He said that Newton Haven has been taken

over by robots full of blue stuff

and if we don't do what they say,

they will make us their prisoners.

Did you believe him?

Did you believe him?

No, of course not.

Did you believe him?

Did you believe him?

What?

See?

Come on, Sam.

You know better than

to believe Gary King.

Oh, crumbs.

Sam!

God!

You creepy b*tches, get off!

Chuck us a ciggie.

Oh.

Gary, what's happening?

I told you in the disableds.

Oh, yes, you did.

We should get inside, eh?

Otherwise people are going to

ask what the hell's going on.

What the hell's going on?

Steve, I got this.

Got what?

Sam, he's not good

enough for you.

What?

What?

We've been through

some crazy sh*t tonight

and it's really put things

in perspective for me,

and if everything is as f***ed up as it seems,

then there's something I need to tell you.

You might think this is because

I've had seven pints, but it's not.

It's not.

I'm in love with you, Sam.

I always have been,

and it breaks my heart to see you waste

your affections on Gary f***ing King.

Hey, that's a bit harsh. Oh,

no, you've got it all wrong.

There's nothing between...

And while I'm being honest,

just to lay it all out there, lam

currently seeing a fitness instructor.

She's 26 years old,

but I would drop her in

a heartbeat if it meant

that I had one last chance

with you.

Steven, there's nothing

between me and Gary King.

Oh, f***.

Sorry.

Hey! Get your feet off her!

Pop its head off! Pop its head

off like an aspirin bottle.

Blue-bloods?

Nothing suggested in

the last three minutes

has been better than

Smashy-Smashy Egg Men.

Nothing.

What the hell's going on?

Did you guys think of a name for

the robots who aren't robots?

I'm afraid we've

drawn a blank.

Well, we just had a barney with

two blanks in the beer garden.

- We have to leave now!

- Agreed.

Let's hit The Mermaid.

Wait, what?

Number eight.

"Number eight"?

Oh, f***.

Andy, what's happening?

Gary thinks we should keep on with the

crawl because they know what we're doing,

but they don't know that we

know what they're doing.

And basically no one else

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