The World's Fastest Indian Page #3

Yeah, thas all it was. There's nothing

wrong with me, don't you worry about me.

And anyway at my age...

any day above ground

and vertical is a good day.

Listen, you take care

of this until I get back alright?

- What happens if you don't come back?

- We'll talk about that then shan't we.

- Hey, Burt?

- Yeah.

Don't forget

to mow your lawns will you?

- What?

- Don't forget to mow your lawns.

My Dad goes on and on about it.

He does, does he?

He says it lowers the property

values of the neighborhood.

Well, oh dear,

we can't have that can we?

What are you doing?

Hello, son.

I'm just getting rid of the grass.

Burt, what the hell

are you doing this time?

Oh, like you said George

I'm getting rid of the grass...

being a good neighbor

before I leave tomorrow.

Tom, Tom!

Get back inside now!

Now!

Honestly, Burt!

- What are they doing here?

- It might be the fire, Burt.

Right, the tyre goes in first.

Thas it.

Thas it, Jeff. You've got it.

This goes in here.

Pills...

license, passport.

Right, les see,

I've got everything?

Spectacles, testicles,

watch and wallet.

What are you laughing at?

I'm on my way.

- Dad says to call us collect.

- What?

Dad says to call us collect.

- Thas nice of him.

- Tell us how you get on.

Thank you.

Thas our phone number.

- Do you think you'll break the record?

- Well, I hope so.

Dad doesn't think

you can do it.

Is that what he said?

He said everyone thinks that.

Well...

Except me.

You're a good boy, Tom.

I'll tell you something, son.

If you don't follow through on your

dreams, you might as well be a vegetable.

What type of vegetable?

I don't know...

a cabbage.

Yeah...

a cabbage.

There you are.

Don't lose it, will you?

- I promise I'll look after it.

- Right.

So keep an eye on the place

for me won't you, Tom.

And...

don't forget

to feed the fowls.

- Thas my job.

- Yeah.

And...

you can give

the eggs to Mum and...

what else is there?

Oh, yes...

you can pee on my lemon tree

for me if you like, while I'm away.

And there's nothing wrong

with peeing on your lemon tree...

as Confucius used to say, is the best

natural fertilizer in the world.

- Who's Confucius?

- He's some bloke who lives up in Dunedin.

Thanks for you help, chaps.

- Good luck, Burt.

- Thanks, Jeff.

- You show them over there in the States.

- I will.

Take it easy, Burt.

Thas not one of the things

I'm planning on doing, George.

Cheerio, love.

Good luck.

Cheerio, my friend.

If you don't go when you wanna go

when you do go, you'll find you're gone.

- I'll see ya.

- See ya, Burt.

Bye, Burt.

- Good luck.

- Cheerio.

See ya, Burt.

Look at that!

Well, Fran,

I'm finally on my way.

I thought some more

of the blokes from the club...

would have dropped

by to see me off.

Well, they probably had

to work today.

Yeah. Yeah, thas right.

Yeah, young Tom tells me...

that no one thinks

I can do it.

- Do you think I can do it, Fran?

- I don't know, Burt.

I don't think it really matters

one way or the other.

You know, I read something once,

years ago.

I learnt it off by heart.

It was Theodore Roosevelt

said it...

is not

the critic that counts...

not the man who points out

how the strong man stumbles...

or where the doer of deeds

could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man

who is actually in the arena.

Wind your window down!

Down.

What?

Some beer money.

- What?

- Some beer money.

I don't drink.

Good luck.

- You go well.

- Thanks, mate.

Show them Kiwi's can fly.

Yeah, I'll bring you back

the Statue of Liberty.

Good on you mate,

thanks a lot.

Hey, not so fast!

Crikey!

Take it easy, mate!

I thought it was a goner.

Better get going.

Yeah, alright...

take care of the old jalopy,

won't you?

- You look after yourself.

- I will.

You've got your pills

and everything, right?

Yeah, yeah, right as rain.

- You come back in one piece.

- I will, cheerio.

Where's the Captain?

Down below.

- Down the gangway there.

- Thanks.

There we are.

I'm looking for the Captain.

Thas me.

My name's Burt Munro.

I'm supposed to do a job to work

my passage to Los Angeles.

- Yeah, well, I hope you can cook.

- Cook?

- I'll give it a go.

- There's the galley.

Crikey!

Who does the dishes, mate?

You.

Smells good.

What do you have

for us today, Burt?

Is good Kiwi tucker.

Don't let Burt see you

doing that.

Here, don't spoil it

with all that sauce.

- Sorry, Burt.

- Stone the crows!

Are you going to watch

the movie, Burt?

- Whas that?

- Are you going to watch the movie?

- Whas it called?

- Broken Barrier.

- Is supposed to be good.

- Is Jane Russell in it?

There's a spare seat

over here, Burt.

Smoke?

- No. Not for me, mate.

- You don't smoke Burt?

No, I don't

and thas why people say to me...

how do you keep going

at your age, Burt...

and I say,

well because I don't smoke...

so I'm telling you young monkeys,

don't smoke.

You can laugh,

but my Dad said...

why contaminate your lungs

with tobacco smoke?

The only thing you accomplish with

smoking is destroying your lungs...

- and shortening your life.

- Kill the lights.

Is Jane Russell in this?

Go well, Burt.

- Thanks, mate.

- Not for this.

- Good luck to you, Burt.

- Thanks.

Remember what I said.

Don't smoke.

I'm trying.

Cheerio, mates. See ya.

Welcome to the United States.

Customs to the left.

Thank you, good to be here.

G'day.

G'day.

Please, stand behind the yellow line

until you are called, sir.

Whas that?

- Behind the yellow line.

- Yellow line?

G'day.

Passport and customs declaration,

please sir.

There you are.

How long do you intend

to stay in the United States?

However long it takes me to get

to Bonneville and back.

And the purpose of your visit?

To set a land speed record

on my Indian.

Indian?

Mr. Munro...

- So this is your first time to America?

- Yes, sir.

You gave some rather odd answers

to the Officer...

so we just have a few further

questions we'd like to ask you.

- Well, fire away.

- Well, les go over again what you said.

Now what exactly do you intend to do

here in the United States?

Well, set a land speed record.

- And how do you intend to do that, sir?

- On my motorcycle.

Is in the hold of the ship

at the moment and...

they're going to unload it tomorrow.

Is an Indian, a 1920 Indian Scout...

modified somewhat.

You know what?

- I think I've read about your bike.

- Yeah?

Yeah, it was in Popular Mechanics,

a couple of years ago.

Thas right, thas me.

A Leslie Hobbs from Christchurch

sent that story.

What was it?

Fastest motorcycle in Australia?

Yeah, and in New Zealand.

Well, I guess you're legitimate,

Mr. Munro.

It sounds like we should be very

honored to have you here in America.

- Well, thank you.

- We're going to give you six months...

that should be time enough

to get the job done.

- Welcome to the USA.

- Thank you very much.

- Good luck, sir.

- Thank you.

- Gears in the trunk.

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