The World's Fastest Indian Page #4

- What?

Bags in the back.

Bag, back!

Don't worry about me,

I'll do it myself.

Strewth!

Sit in the back, in the back!

- What?

- You, in the back!

Tell you something, mate,

you don't want to get old around here.

Ta ra.

- Where to?

- What?

- Where to?

- Hollywood.

Yeah, I want to go to Hollywood,

I want to see the film stars.

Okay, we go to Hollywood.

Where in Hollywood?

A motel on Sunset Boulevard...

I hear thas a pretty great street.

I don't know who you talking to lately.

Which motel?

I don't know...

a recommended one.

Come on man, what do you think

I am, an encyclopedia?

Drop me somewhere

and I'll sort it out myself.

Must have a bit

electricity bill here.

Firestone...

Shell.

Is all about cars, isn't it?

I've never seen so many cars.

- You say something, man?

- I said I've never seen so many cars.

Got to get around somehow.

Look, there's a bowling alley.

Do you bowl?

Whas he honking his horn about?

Jesus!

Crikey, did you see that?

That blokes backing into that

geaser's car.

He's crazy, he's nuts.

He did it again.

Don't stare, there's a lot of

crazy people in this town.

I've never seen anything

like that before.

- This should do...

- Whas the damage?

US$28, plus bag...

- US$29.

- What?

Did you just say

what I thought you said?

- Are you deaf?

- What?

- Are you deaf?

- Yeah, I am a bit deaf, but I'm not stupid.

- How much did you say it was?

- US$29.

No, I don't want to buy the cab, mate.

I just want to pay the fare, thas all.

- Where you from?

- What?

- You a British?

- No, you must be joking...

I'm no Pommie,

I'm from New Zealand.

Well, this is America.

And the fare, right there on the meter,

US$29.

Open your wallet

and let the moths out.

I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

There you go, US$29.

- No, don't forget the tip.

- What?

Yes, we tip in America.

Ten percent.

- How much?

- Ten percent.

Oh yeah, there you go, ten cents.

Excuse me, sir.

- You look like a generous man, sir.

- What?

- You look like a generous man.

- Oh do I?

Yes you do. Would you like to buy

a flower to give to someone special?

Well,

sorry I don't have any cash.

Don't worry,

the money goes to a good cause.

Is for an organization

that helps needy people.

Oh alright, well, how much is it?

- Just give what you can afford.

- Alright, well.

They all look the same to me.

They're all green.

- Yes, thas why we call them green backs.

- That looks like a one.

- Look there's one.

- No, thas a ten.

- Thanks, you have a good day.

- No, thas a ten.

Hey come on miss, thas a ten.

I didn't want to pay that much.

Hey, come back.

- Hey baby.

- What do you want?

- You wanna go?

- Go where?

- Go inside.

- I'm going inside.

I'll take you around the world.

I've just come from halfway

around the world.

15 bucks, baby.

15 bucks.

No, sorry, go away.

Hello.

- I need a room.

- A room will cost you five bucks an hour.

I'm planning on staying

a wee bit longer than that.

- How long?

- I don't know, a couple of days I guess.

- Double occupancy?

- What?

Double occupancy?

No, just me, myself and I.

Will it cost a lot because

I can't afford a lot.

- You a member of Triple A?

- What?

- Are you a Triple A member?

- Never heard of them.

Never heard of Triple A?

No Miss Brittle Britches,

I have not heard of Triple A.

Okay, les just say

you are a member doll.

- Alright.

- Thall save you ten percent.

How does 22 bucks a night sound?

That much? Is that cheap?

Honey, thas cheaper than cheap.

- Whas your name?

- Tina Washington.

Well, Tina Washington,

I want you to have this,

it might cheer you up a bit.

Get some of that muck

off your pluck.

Well, thank you.

Thas the first nice thing

thas happened round here all week.

You're welcome.

My name's Burt Munro.

From New Zealand.

I'm from down under.

Well, hello, Burt Munro

from New Zealand down under.

I tell you,

I've had a heck of a night.

Welcome to Hollyweird.

Hello?

Anybody home?

- Hello, Tina.

- Good morning, Burt.

You still here?

Thas why you were

so crabby last night.

Don't you ever get any sleep?

I work a night shift.

I'm out of here as soon as James

turns up and he's late.

Yeah, could you phone

this number for me?

Yeah, is a shipping company

and they've got a big box of mine...

and I want to know how

to arrange to get it.

No, you talk to them,

they'll never get my accent.

Okay, what do you want me

to ask them? One moment please.

Ask them when a Burt Munro's box

containing the motorcycle...

will be ready for pick up.

Hello, I'm calling

for Mr. Burt Munro.

Yes, he'd like to know when the box

containing his motorcycle...

- will be available for pick up.

- What ship?

- What ship?

- Rangatira from New Zealand.

The Rangatira from New Zealand.

- Is arrived.

- So he can claim it?

Tomorrow from the Long Beach

customs holding area.

Okay, thank you, I'll tell him.

Bye-bye.

That was pretty fast.

You're late.

I can't stand another minute in

this place. Let me buy you breakfast.

Well, this is great.

You know, I've never seen

a menu with photographs before.

- Are you ready to order, sir?

- What?

- Are you ready?

- Oh yes...

I think the Double Delight,

thas for me.

- How would you like your eggs?

- What?

How would you like your eggs?

Well, I'd like them cooked.

Sunny side up? Over easy?

- I don't know, whatever you recommend.

- Over easy's best.

Alright, eggs over easy.

Make that two.

Over easy.

I must remember that.

Yeah, I like this American

breakfast thing.

Is good.

So my girl, where's the best place

for me to get a used car?

The Valley.

After breakfast I could

take you there.

Oh Well, thank you.

And I'm not a girl.

I'm a boy.

I thought there was something

a little odd about you.

But hey,

you're still a sweetheart.

Yep.

Thanks a million, Tina.

Hey,

there are stacks of cars here.

- I'll be back in the motel later on.

- Bye.

Bye.

How may I help you, sir?

Yeah, I want to buy a car,

a cheap car, a very cheap car.

Well, you've come

to the right place, amigo.

In fact, if you can find cars like this

any cheaper, they're probably stolen.

My name's Burt, Burt Munro

from New Zealand. Nice to meet you.

I'm Fernando from El Salvador,

nice to meet you, Mr. Munro.

- You can call me Burt.

- Alright, Mr. Burt.

So how much were you looking

to spend here Mr. Burt?

Not a lot Fernando...

I haven't got much left after

the cab ride I took yesterday.

You want US$399 for this?

It sounds a bit sick.

Well, what would you offer me?

Listen, I'll give you US$200

if you'll do me a favor.

Through in the use

of your workshop...

and some of that junk

I see lying around...

I've got to knock up

a trailer...

to drag my bike over

to Bonneville.

Thas not a favor,

US$325 is a favor.

No, US$225.

You're a tough customer, Mr. Burt,

but I like you...

I'm going to give it to you for US$250

and you can use the workshop...

but only at night

and keep the noise down.

Rate this script:4.0 / 3 votes