The World's Fastest Indian Page #6

through where the gudgeon pin goes...

and ill make a great ash tray.

Not that I approve of smoking,

mind you.

- Thank you very much.

- Thanks a lot, mate. So long.

- Sorry we couldn't fix your trailer.

- Thas alright, I'll get there somehow.

Burt?

What?

For the prostrate.

Use with water,

plenty of water.

It tastes bad. Really bad.

Dogs balls huh?

Well, thanks a lot mate.

See ya.

Hello.

Anyone home?

Hello.

Hello, there.

I've got a spot of bother

with my trailer, lost a wheel.

- You're not from around these parts.

- No, I'm from down there.

- What?

- I'm from down under...

The other side of the world,

New Zealand.

Southern most city

in the British Empire.

Called Invercargill.

One of the most beautiful

cities on Earth.

Name's Burt Munro.

Burt? Ada.

- What?

- Ada.

There she is.

We got some problems here,

yes sirree.

I tell you what you need to do.

Cannibalize the stuffed axel

out of that old Ford right there.

Lucky for you

I've got some welding gear.

- We'll get a new wheel on there pronto.

- Good.

Thas got it.

When you are...

finished there...

I've got something that

I want to show you.

Yeah, whas that?

Never you mind.

You just get that wheel on

there right.

Why'd you bring me out here?

I want to show you this.

What?

Right here.

I laid my old boy to rest

twelve years ago next week.

I sure miss him.

I sure do miss the old boy.

He did his level best.

He did.

I always figured a man's

like a blade of grass...

he grows up in the spring,

strong and healthy and green...

and then he reaches middle age

and he ripens as it were and...

in the autumn they,

like a blade of grass...

he finishes just fades away

and he never comes back.

Just like a blade of grass.

I think when you're dead,

you're dead.

I've always thought that,

since I grew up.

Is that your philosophy?

Well, I don't know,

yeah, I suppose it is...

when you get to my age these

thoughts cross your mind sometimes.

Jump!

Jump!

Sideways, you fool,

sideways!

My God, man, haven't you ever

seen a snake before?

No, we don't get snakes

in New Zealand.

Good God,

I ought to move there.

- Where's he going?

- Damn rattlers!

- Any more around here? Oh, God.

- Fancy this?

You come all this way

to bite the dust up at Boot Hill?

That would be a laugh,

wouldn't it?

Be a laugh.

There you go, there you go.

Oh, my God!

Where you gonna sleep tonight?

I don't know, I've no idea.

I don't know.

I had a strange dream

last night.

I dreamt about my late...

twin brother, Ernie.

I thought he was in the room here

looking down on us.

I guess is all

that fun and games...

at the graveyard.

I suppose.

Oh, well.

Getting old ain't for the faint

of heart I'll tell you that.

Oh, God. What have you done

to my back, Ada?

I am getting old.

Come on old girl, make me a cup of tea,

I've got to hit the road.

Ada, come on, you haven't died

in our sleep, have you, old girl?

- Make me a cup of tea.

- Come here, lover boy.

I'll make it myself.

Thanks.

Now Burt, you promise me you're going

to pop in on your way back...

because I can always use

another little cuddle.

Yeah, thas what I said, Ada,

thas what I intend to do.

There's many good tune played on

an old Banjo as they say.

- And what we don't use, we lose.

- Well, thas what they say.

See ya. Ta ra, darling.

And you have good luck

with your Indian.

You should say

break a leg.

See ya.

Gidday.

Boy is it hot out there.

I bet the birds fly backwards

around here...

to keep the dust out

of their eyes.

- What can I get you?

- I'd like a cup of tea, please.

- Cup of tea?

- Yeah, best drink...

for quenching the thirst

when the weather's hot.

We haven't seen a cup of tea

in here ever.

We got Coors, we got Schlitz

or Miller or Coke and whiskey.

Well, I'll have coke then.

You know smoking's bad for you,

don't you?

- Is that so?

- Yeah.

Personally I don't smoke

and I don't drink.

I had the right education

from my dad on that one.

He was like King James the first,

great anti-smoking man.

Sounds like you're on a one

man crusade there grandpa.

Yeah, well, you're born with one

pair of lungs so why destroy...

them with that muck?

Where are you from?

Where's your home town?

- You English?

- Heavens no...

I'm no Pommie,

I'm from Invercargill in New Zealand.

- Where?

- Invercargill.

L-N-V-E-R-C-A-R-G-l-L-L.

I spell it with one L

sometimes to save ink.

- Got any of those critters over there?

- Oh yes, much bigger though...

we breed them down there

on big farms...

and we cut off their antlers and

send them over to Hong Kong and they...

grind the antlers into dust

and they eat that stuff...

must be some sort of aphrodisiac

or something.

Puts lead in your pencil.

You could do with some

of that, Leroy.

Your girlfriend?

Wife.

Oh, dear!

You alright?

Did you decide to leave Jackie

a tip after all?

Look sir, if you're not feeling well

you should drop in to the hospital...

in the next town.

Alright.

Roll down your window.

What?

Whas the problem?

You're parked illegally.

- You're a danger to the passing traffic.

- Am I?

- Les see your driver's license.

- Yeah, alright.

Here you are.

- Where are you from?

- From New Zealand.

Thas the land of the

long white cloud. Aotearoa.

Home of the kiwi bird.

Well, I don't care if you're from Mars,

you cannot stop here.

Alright.

You cannot stop on the side of this road,

you're parked illegally.

Okay, well, sorry, I was having

a bit of a heart attack and...

well recovering

from one anyway.

Yeah, well, next time,

how about we stop at a proper rest area.

Yeah, alright, okay.

Name's Burt Munro.

Sorry about that.

Oil's OK.

- Thank you.

- Thas alright, sir.

Excuse me.

- Hi, there.

- Hi.

Listen, I was wondering

if I could catch a ride?

My car, she just broke down and I'm

really trying to get to Salt Lake City.

I'm only going as far as Wendover,

thas where I'm stopping.

Well, anything would be

better than nothing.

- Ain't that the truth? Hop in, mate.

- Hey, thank you.

I'm going to go see

my girlfriend...

she just moved from LA

to Salt Lake, so.

I'm home on leave from 'Nam.

- What?

- Vietnam?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, what is that you've

got strapped on back there?

That, young fellow,

is an Indian.

Motorcycle.

So what are you doing

in Vietnam?

I'm involved

in operation ranch hand.

Oh, whas that?

Farming or something?

No, not exactly,

we just started this program...

we are spraying the jungle

from the air with herbicides...

so the enemy, the Vietcong,

don't have any place to hide.

Agent Orange we call this stuff,

it comes in these big old orange drums.

How is it working out?

Well, I'm home on two months leave

and I've got to get my arse back there.

We should have this war done in 6 months

or so, thas what they keep telling us.

Can't wait to get my arse out of there

to tell you the truth.

Yeah, I remember

the Great War in 1914...

I was about your age and

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