There's No Business Like Show Business

---

There's no business

like show business

Like no business I know

Let's go on with the show

There's no business

like show business

Like no business I know

Yesterday they told you

you would not go far

That night you open

and there you are

Next day on your dressing room

They've hung a star

Let's go on with the show

You promised

That you'd forget me not

But you forgot to remember

When that midnight choo-choo

leaves for Alabam'

I got to catch that train

I'll be right there

I've got my fare

When I see that

rusty-haired conductor man

I got to find that man

I'll grab him

by the collar

And I'll holler

- Ala...

- Bam'

- Ala... '

- Bam...

That's where

you stop your train

That brings me back again

Down home

where I'll remain

Where my honey lamb

Am

I will be right there

with bells

When that old

conductor yells

All aboard

All aboard

for Alabamy

Board!

For Alabam'

For Alabamy

Board!

I'll be right there

with bells

When that

old conductor yells

All aboard

For Alabam'

When that midnight choo-choo

leaves for Alabam'

Stop!

In days of yore

before the war

When hearts now old

were young

At home each night

by firelight

Those dear old songs

were sung

Sweet melodies

and memories

Around my heart

still cling

That's why I like

to hear a song

Like mother

used to sing

Won't you play

a simple melody

Like my mother

sang to me?

One with good

old-fashioned harmony

Play a simple melody

Musical demon

Sets your honey

a-dreamin'

Won't you

play me some rag?

Just change that

classical nag

To some sweet

beautiful drag

If you will

play from the copy

Of a tune

that is choppy

You'll get

all my applause

And that is

simply because

I want to listen to rag

A...

Musical demon

Sets your honey

a-dreamin'

But won't you

play me some rag?

Just change that

classical nag

To some sweet

beautiful drag

If you will play

from a copy

Of a tune

that is choppy

You'll get all

my applause

And that is

simply because

I want to hear

some ragtime music

That's what

you want to hear

A sweet song with

a sigh and a tear

A good old

ragtime simple melody

"Peter Rabbit was a very bad

little rabbit,

"and that's why

Peter Rabbit

"was sent to bed

without his supper.

"But Flopsy, Mopsy,

and Cotton-Tail,

they had ice cream

and raspberry jam."

They say it's late.

How late?

I don't know.

They just said

it was late.

Well, I know that.

You didn't have to go

all the way over there

to find that out.

Don't yell at me, Molly.

I don't run the railroad.

Wake me up when

the train gets here.

Terry.

Already?

No. No. Terry,

this is a crummy way

to bring up kids.

Oh, Molly, don't start

sending the kids

back to your mother

just because

the train is late.

Steve ought to go

to school,

and they should be

sleeping in beds

instead of... oh,

it's just not right

keeping them up all hours

of the night like this.

I want them to have

an education,

a real education.

They have to learn

arithmetic and spelling

and geography.

You never went past

the sixth grade.

It was probably

the fourth grade

because you said

it was the sixth.

My age is the only thing

I lie about,

and I don't add on,

I take off.

All right,

the sixth grade,

but there's

nothing wrong

with your arithmetic.

You can whistle

Mandy

doing

Off To Buffalo

and count the house

at the same time

and tell me

within 5 cents

how much is

out there.

That's not arithmetic.

Darn right that's not.

That's higher mathematics.

Besides,

the welfare workers

are going

to crack down on us

wherever we go, just like

they did in Pittsburgh.

I handled it there,

didn't I?

Why don't you let me

worry about that?

Oh, quiet. You'll

wake up the children.

Oh, Father dear,

will you see if there's

a dry diaper for the baby

in that basket?

Diaper. Is that

the kind of thing

you mention in public?

Sometimes.

Don't bother. He hasn't

worn them for two years.

You know, if there was

any way to divide up

three children evenly...

Yes?

The Western track two.

All aboard for Scranton.

Come on, joy boy.

That's our train.

Come on, darling,

wake up.

Wake up. Come on.

We have to go.

You get these two,

will you?

And that big one.

I can handle

the rest of them.

Here, honey,

you take this one.

Take good care

of it now.

Help with the luggage now.

Steve, ask your father

if he remembered

to change my berth

to a lower.

Katy, ask Pop

if he remembered

to make the change.

How about the change,

Daddy?

I got plenty of change.

I'll take care

of the porter.

He says he's got it.

He got the lower, Mom.

Good. If there's

one thing I hate,

it's sleeping

in an upper berth

with three kids.

Come on, honey.

Here's Flopsy.

Here's Mopsy.

And you've got

Cotton-Tail.

And you, too,

Peter Rabbit.

Wait till you see our finish.

Terry yelled

his head off, of course.

He still wanted to keep them

on the road with us,

but as the children

grew older,

I finally won out.

We put them in a very good

school in Boston.

Poor kids.

And that meant we had

to figure out a new act.

You sure had

a brilliant idea

for that little gem.

I sure did:

Eight

beautiful blondes.

Nine.

Nine?

Yes, nine.

A pretty girl

Is like a melody

That haunts you

night and day

Just like the strain

Of a haunting refrain

She'll start upon

a marathon

And run around

your brain

You can't escape

She's in your memory

By morning, night,

and noon

She will leave you

and then

Come back again

A pretty girl is just

like a pretty tune

A pretty girl

La ta da

ta da de da

Is like a melody

La ta da

ta da de da

That haunts you

night and day

They go together

like sunny weather

Goes with

the month of May

Just like the strain

La la la la la la...

Of a haunting refrain

She'll start upon

a marathon

And run around

your brain

You can't escape,

no, no, no, no, n...

She's in your memory

In your memory by

morning, night, and noon

She will leave you

and then...

Come back again

A pretty girl is

just like a pretty tune

Terrence was

having so much fun

that I hated to spoil it,

but Saturday night,

that was the end of that.

It was good-bye, blondes.

Shh!

Tim, we ought

to go back.

We're just going to get

in a lot of trouble.

Katy's waiting for us

out in the bushes.

You're not going to go

chicken now, are you?

Come on!

Father Dineen:

Going somewhere?

Suppose you come

in here, boys.

What is it?

Trouble.

Where?

School.

I don't want you

to think that the children

have caused

any serious trouble.

On the contrary,

they're fine youngsters,

and we'd like

to keep them very much.

I just thought it best

that we have

a little talk.

I hope my telegram

didn't interfere

too much

with your plans.

That's all right, Father.

We closed last night.

We'll be laying off

for Lent anyway.

Oh, isn't that

interesting?

I didn't know actors

gave up the theater

for Lent.

Well, not exactly, Father.

Let's say that the theater

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