There's No Business Like Show Business Page #2

---

gives up actors for Lent.

Does the box office

fall off?

Yes, Father. Ours falls off.

Yours picks up.

Oh, I understand,

but to return

to the children.

The fact is, they want

to be back with you.

Did they tell you that?

Well, they've

done more than that.

They tried

to run away. Twice.

No.

Yes.

Why? Is the work

too much for them?

I mean,

are they dumbbells?

Oh, no.

Not at all.

If there's something

wrong with our kids,

you don't have

to horse around. You can...

Oh, I beg your pardon,

Father.

That's quite all right.

No, there's nothing

wrong with them.

Quite the contrary.

Steve is a fine student,

quiet, serious.

Quite an unusual boy.

Katherine, well,

the sisters tell me

she's above average.

And, uh, Timothy?

Well, uh...

Timothy is all boy,

shall we say?

A natural born leader.

Great kid, huh, Father?

Unfortunately,

sometimes he leads

the others

in the wrong direction.

Oh, there's

nothing serious.

What I'm trying

to say is,

the children

are just not happy

away from you

and the theater.

Happy? Who told them

they're supposed to be happy?

They're supposed

to be learning things.

Well, in any event,

I think that you

and your husband

should have a talk

with them

and try to explain

to them how you feel.

Personally,

I find something

very rare and precious

in this feeling

they have for you

and your profession.

Of course, it's up

to you to decide.

Excuse me.

I'll get them.

Get that bit

about Tim?

"Natural born leader."

Look, birdbrain,

Father Dineen was trying

to tell us

in a very nice way

that we've got a little

gangster on our hands.

Didn't you get it?

The kids are going

to stay right here, Terry.

Who says they're not?

Don't act so innocent.

I know you.

You're a pushover

for those kids.

Me? You're the one

that's always

giving in to them.

Not this time.

I'm going to be as firm

as the rock of Gibraltar.

The rock of Gibraltar.

The kids knew we bought

a house in Jersey,

but this was the first

time they'd seen it.

And what a time

to face a big fat mortgage.

Crash!

Depression!

And the first thing

that people gave up

was the theater.

And the first thing

the theater gave up

was the Donahues.

Boy, the things

we had to do

to make a buck.

A couple of seasons there,

we even split up.

She's not so good

in the house

But on a bench

in the park

You'd be surprised

She isn't much

in the light

But when she gets

in the dark

You'd be surprised

At a party

or at a ball

I got to admit,

she's nothin' at all

But in the Morris chair

You'd be surprised

And when I say coffee,

I don't mean

just any coffee.

I mean Shelby's

aerated, vacuumized

flavor in the bean

coffee,

which comes in three

delicious grinds:

Instant...

perk...

And drip.

So

Let's have

another cup of coffee

Yes, let's have another cup

of Shelby's

aerated coffee.

And let's have

another piece of pie

Then one day

things started picking up.

We were in the chips again,

playing big picture houses

all across the country.

Till about '37.

That was the year

Tim surprised us all

and graduated

from high school.

And we started

working out a new act

for the whole family.

Katy's love was dancing,

and the kid was good.

Steve was no hoofer,

but he sure could

sell a song.

Our name

for the new act?

What else?

The Five Donahues!

Working together,

we soon hit the top:

Headliners in a big

hippodrome extravaganza.

Come on and hear

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Come on and hear

It's the best band

in the land

They can play

a bugle call

Like you never

heard before

So natural that you

want to go to war

That's just

the bestest band what am

My honey lamb

Come on along

Let me take you

by the hand

Up to the man

Who's the leader

of the band

And if you care to hear

The Swanee River

Played in ragtime

Come on and hear

Alexander's Ragtime

That raggy beat

Gets in your feet

Come on and meet

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Ah, come un zee hear

Ja?

Come un zee hear

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Ach, du liebe, shee,

come see und hear

Ein, zwei,

drei, vier

That's the best what

am in the land

If you want to hear

The Swanee River

Spieled ragtime

Come hear,

ach, ja

Das oompah pah pah

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Oompah pah pah,

oompah pah pah

Oompah pah... oop

Alexander's

Ragtime Band

Come on and hear

Hoot, man

Come on and hear

Hoot, man

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Come on and hear

Hoot, man

Come on and hear

Hoot, man

It's the best band

in the land

And if you care to hear

Swanee River

Played in ragtime

Come on and hear,

come on and hear

The bonnie music of

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Hoot, man

Alexander's

Ragtime Band

Allons, mon cher

Attention!

Alexander, ooh l l

Ecoutez, amis

Alexander, ooh!

Touch

And if you care to hear

Vraiment magnifique,

zee Swanee River

Che che che che che

In ragtime

Allons, allons

Marchons, Marchons

Alexander's Band

Oui, certainement

Come on along

Let me take you

By the hand

Up to the man

Who's the leader

of the band

Come on and hear

Alexander's

Ragtime Band

Come on and hear

It's the best band

in the land

They can play

a bugle call

Like you've never

heard before

So natural that you

want to go to war

That's just

the bestest band what am

Honey lamb

Come on

Come on along

Let me take you

by the hand

Up to the maestro

That man

The leader

of the band

I want to hear that

Swanee, Swanee River

Play it, play it,

play that ragtime

Hear, hear

Alexander's band

Is

Here

It must be the man

It must be Alexander

Hey, hear the band,

dance with the band

They're here

Come on and hear

Alexander's

Ragtime Band

Come on, come on,

come on

It's the best band

in the land

If you hear

that bugle call

That's about the bestest

band what am

Honey lamb,

come on

Come on along

I want to take you

by the hand

Up to the man

The leader

of the band

And if you want that

Swanee River

Played in ragtime

Come on along

Come on along,

come on along

To see and hear

Alexander's Ragtime Band

Oh, you!

Hey, it went great,

huh, Pop?

Yeah, Tim. Fine.

You know who was

out front tonight? Flo.

Ziegfeld?

No, Flo Zimmerman,

my cousin from Passaic.

Mit de apple strudel

und the lager beer.

- Lager beer. Skol.

- Skol.

Hi, Timmy.

Oh, hiya, kid.

I'll be with you

in just a minute.

Oh, excusen me.

Important business

up and comin'.

You're excused.

Good-bye.

Terry, have you ever

had a talk with Tim

about... you know... girls?

Yeah, a few times,

but he wouldn't give me

any phone numbers.

No, seriously!

You kidding?

That'd be like me

teaching Dempsey

how to fight.

I wish they'd pick

on someone their own age.

Yeah, me, too.

I hope the kids are ready.

I'm starved.

Me, too.

Come in.

Hiya, Stevie.

Be with you in a minute.

Mind if I go on ahead?

Got a date?

No, no.

It's such a beautiful night,

I just feel like walking.

I got some

thinking to do.

OK, if that's

your idea of fun.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes