There's No Business Like Show Business Page #4

---

Hello.

Oh, not again.

I'm waiting for someone

terribly important.

This is

terribly important, too.

I happen to be

Kirby from Variety.

I think the world

should know about you.

How about an interview?

This not another one

of your little jokes.

Oh, no,

not when I'm working.

The only thing is I'm

expecting these people.

That's all right.

Why don't we start

and see how far we get.

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, tell me, have you had

any previous experience?

Doing what?

I was thinking

of your stage career,

but I'd be interested

in anything else

you have to tell me.

I see.

Why don't I give you

my telephone number?

Why don't you?

I have

a much better idea.

I'll call you

tomorrow at Variety,

and we can make a date.

Oh, it's, uh, well,

tomorrow happens

to be my day off.

I was afraid

of something like that.

Excuse me.

That must be my guests.

Oh, hello.

Vicky, this is

Mr. Lew Harris.

Charmed, I'm sure.

I enjoyed your performance,

Miss Hoffman.

Did you?

Did you really?

Come in please.

This gentleman

was just leaving.

Tim Donahue.

How are you, kid?

I hear you and the family

are knockin' 'em dead

over at the Hippodrome.

Thank you, Mr. Harris.

One of

The Five Donahues?

Oh, you do

a great act.

I didn't know

you knew him.

We just met.

Mr. Donahue,

it was awfully sweet

of you to come back

and tell me how much

you admired my work.

When one performer

troubles

to tell another,

that's praise indeed.

And tell your family

while I do

appreciate it,

I couldn't possibly

join their act.

I'll tell 'em,

but they'll

be brokenhearted.

I'm sorry, but there are

five of you already,

and I much prefer

working as a single,

if you know what I mean,

and I think you do.

Mad about me.

Timmy, where you been?

I been lookin'

everywhere for you.

I just fumbled,

and the coach took me out.

Whoop,

that's a cute step.

Come on,

let's go someplace

where they appreciate me.

Oh, this is silly.

After all, they're

not children anymore.

No. Come on,

I got a good hand.

They're certainly old enough

to take care of themselves.

Exactly. You go.

Why do you suppose

they didn't tell us,

just sneaking out

that way without...

Molly, that's just

part of growing up.

Remember our first date?

Yeah.

We didn't tell anybody,

either.

No.

You remember how late

we stayed out?

Mm-hmm.

You should've been

ashamed of yourself.

Where the heck

is Katy?

Take it easy.

Now you got me worried.

It's about time,

you big lug.

Here's a taxi.

What do you mean

by coming home

at this hour,

young lady?

You have some

explaining to do.

How sweet of you

to wait up for me.

Do pay the cab fare,

darling.

I'm flat.

Where did

you pick her up?

Outside of Gallagher's joint.

How much do I owe you?

6.20.

6.20? How'd ya come,

by way of Canarsie?

I brought her home,

didn't I?

Thanks.

Got change of 20?

Oh, yeah.

And for all I know, Mom,

he's still sitting there,

dripping.

Let me tell you about

the one I used to use.

A handbag

full of nickels...

anybody got fresh...

clunk.

We used to call it

the woman's defender.

What's so funny?

Your daughter stays out

gallivanting till

all hours of the morning,

and you think

it's a big joke.

Maybe Katy never went

to finishing school,

but there are some parts

of her education

I'll match against anybody's.

Um, Tim get home yet?

No. Why? You see him?

You know where he is?

No. I just wondered.

Where in blazes

have you been?

In church.

Church?

Now I've heard

everything.

No, seriously.

Church at this time

of night?

I went for a walk

through the park first.

Who with?

Nobody. Just myself.

Mom, Dad,

there's something

I want to tell you.

Well...

I don't want you to think

I haven't given this

a lot of thought, but...

Go on.

I'm going

to be a priest.

A what?!

A priest.

You're kidding.

Steve, what are

you talkin' about?

I know this

comes as a big shock

to all of you, but...

it's what I want

more than anything else

in the world.

A priest?!

Why, you must be abs...

Let him finish, Terry.

I talked to Father Dineen

about it last summer.

Today I got a letter

telling me to report

to the seminary

next week.

I am not going

to let you do it.

Terry...

Now, you

stay out of this.

Look, son,

you're very young.

You don't understand

what a wonderful thing

life can be.

You don't know

how wonderful it is

to fall in love

and get married

and raise a family.

I'm not gonna let you

give all that up.

I've thought

about it, Pop.

It's just that some people

are meant to be one thing,

some another.

What about your work?

What about everything

you've been trained for?

What about the theater?

In a way, it's just

a change of booking.

You must admit the church

has had a pretty long run.

I just hope

I have the talent for it.

Beats me.

I can't figure it out.

Come on along,

come on along

Alexander's

Ragtime Band

Come on along

Hello, everybody.

Oh, great.

He's crocked.

I beg your pardon...

stinkied.

Whoops, forgot

to remove my hat.

I'll fix him.

- Now...

- Pop...

I can handle him. I've been

handling him his whole life.

Is there some sort

of dispute going on?

Can I be

of any assis...

Can I be of any...

Oh, Mom, I don't

feel so good.

Oh, no, you don't.

Upstairs for you.

I just had

this carpet cleaned.

What a family.

One of 'em

goes sneaking off

to a nightclub,

one of em comes home

smelling like a saloon,

and the third one... you...

I might've expected you

to come home drunk like Tim,

but I will be a Hindu swami

if I expected

what you gave me tonight.

Pop, don't take it

so big.

Steve might turn out

to be something

really big,

like a bishop

or even a cardinal.

Yeah? The only cardinal

I want in this family

is one that plays ball

with St. Louis.

I could take a...

Bath.

Big man now.

Comin' home like...

You're drowning me.

Don't put any ideas

in my head.

Yeah, but I...

Down, boy. Down.

And don't come up

till I tell ya.

Where am I?

Here.

Give me that.

Will you please, Ma?

Timmy, this hurts you

more than it hurts me.

Now get in there.

I'm getting there.

Come on, get in.

Hurry up.

This way. Put your head

down here on the pillow.

Come on.

All right,

let's have it, sport.

Who were you out with?

Lillian Sawyer.

That tomato?

I think I asked her

to marry me, Mom.

I know I proposed

something.

I bet you did.

What'd you have to drink?

I don't remember,

but we topped it off

with champagne

and root beer.

I was trying to forget.

Forget what?

That's another thing

I don't remember.

Another girl, I think.

Little man,

you've had a busy night.

Yeah. Hello? Hello?

Everything's going

round and round, Ma.

Yes, I know. I know.

You go to sleep now.

We'll talk this over

in the morning.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I know you are, kid,

and I'm sorry, too,

if I hurt you.

It's just that

we love you so much

that we intend

to make a man out of you,

even if we have

to murder you first.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes