There's Something About Mary Page #10

HEALY:

Okay, tell you what: I'll get her number

for you just as soon as she gets back from

Japan.

TED:

Japan? What's she doing in Japan?

HEALY:

You've heard of mail-order brides? Well

they go that way, too.

Ted is devastated.

TED:

Mary's a mail-order bride?

HEALY:

Fetched a pretty penny, too. Don't forget,

it's the Sumo culture, they pay by the

pound there. Sort of like tuna.

Off Ted's look, we

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOT CLUB - DAY

Ted and Dom are having a beer and a dog.

TED:

That's it, I'm making an oath. I'll never

procrastinate about anything again. Life is

too f***ing short.

DOM:

Hey, look on the bright side--

TED:

(interrupting)

What's that, Dom? What's the bright side?

DOM:

Well...at least now you know.

TED:

I think it was better when I didn't. It was

kind of inspiring to know there was someone

so pure in the world.

As Ted dwells on this, Dom bursts out LAUGHING.

TED:

What's so funny?

DOM:

I'm sorry, it's just that you're taking

this all wrong, pal. Don't you see? You're

liberated. I feel liberated. I mean here

you've been in therapy thinking you blew it

with the greatest girl ever, and it turns

out that getting your dick stuck in your

zipper was the best thing that ever

happened to you!

Ted flinches at this.

TED:

Wait a second, I never told you that.

DOM:

Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away.

Ted thinks it over.

TED:

Maybe you're right. I should look on the

bright side. I mean, I've still got my

health...

(checks watch)

I'm out of here. I've got to get up at six

a.m. to move my boss's brother into his

apartment.

DOM:

What? On your day off? Do you even know

the guy?

TED:

Never met him.

DOM:

Jesus, Ted, you've got to finish that damn

novel so you can quit that stupid magazine.

TED:

Amen to that.

CUT TO:

EXT. MIAMI - DRIVING RANGE - DAY

Healy pays for a bucket of balls, then takes his clubs and strolls

jauntily to...

A GOLF TEE NEXT TO MARY'S

Healy places a ball on the tee and takes a swing. He tops the ball

and it dribbles about ten yards.

HEALY:

Hit a house! Bite bite!

(to Mary)

Haven't swung the wrenches in a while.

Mary nods. Healy takes another swing and duck-hooks one about

fifty yards. Mary addresses her ball, takes a smooth backswing,

and

HEALY (cont'd)

Hey, can you give me some tips here?

She cracks her shot long and straight.

MARY:

Yeah, don't talk in someone's backswing.

HEALY:

Thanks.

Mary tees up another ball and Healy puts down his club.

HEALY (cont'd)

I'm gonna get a soda, you want one?

MARY:

(annoyed)

No thanks.

Healy pulls out a huge wad of change from his pocket.

HEALY:

Oh cripes. Do you have change for a dollar?

All I have is these stupid Nepalese coins.

MARY:

(interested)

Nepal? Have you been?

HEALY:

Not in months. I don't even know why I

bought the damn place.

MARY:

You own a home there?

HEALY:

Well...it's just a condo really. Right

outside Katmandu.

MARY:

Wow. That's a place I've always wanted to

go. Is it true the mountains are so tall

you can't see the tops?

HEALY:

Not 'til you get about three hundred yards

from the summit. That's been my experience

anyway.

She looks impressed. Healy looks at his watch.

HEALY (cont'd)

You know, I should just get going. I'll

work on my game next week.

He flips her a coin.

HEALY (cont'd)

Here. Spend it on your trip to Katmandu.

MARY:

(smiles)

Thanks.

Healy starts to walk off. Mary doesn't know what to do. Will she

ever see this guy again?

MARY (cont'd)

(CALLS after him)

It was nice meeting you!

Healy doesn't answer or turn around. He just raises his hand and

gives her a little wave.

Mary shrugs her shoulders. Oh well...

EXT. DRIVING RANGE PARKING LOT - DAY

Healy is sitting in Sully's Chrysler LeBaron, right next to Mary's

Honda Civic.

He watches the rear-view mirror, and the moment he sees Mary

coming out from the driving range, he swings his legs out the door

and starts changing out of his golf shoes. As Mary tosses her

golf bag into the trunk, she notices Healy tying his shoes. A

second chance.

MARY:

Well, it was nice meeting you, again.

HEALY:

Same here again.

MARY:

By the way, what's your name?

HEALY:

Pat Healy.

There's an uncomfortable pause...Why doesn't this guy ask the

usual questions?

MARY:

Don't you want to know my name?

HEALY:

I already know it, Mary.

MARY:

(surprised)

How'd you know that?

HEALY:

It's right there on your golf bag.

Healy opens the back door to put away his golf shoes. Suddenly,

rolls and rolls of paper come tumbling out. Mary bends over to

help Healy pick them up.

MARY:

What are you doing with all these

blueprints?

HEALY:

Some buildings I'm working on.

MARY:

Are you...an architect?

HEALY:

Well, just until I get my PGA Tour card.

Mary stares at him, mouth agape.

HEALY (cont'd)

I'm kidding. Yeah, I guess you could call

me an architect--it's just a job really, a

way to keep me moving. My real passion is

my hobby.

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