There's Something About Mary Page #16

TUCKER (O.S.)

Well that's what I'm trying to figure

out. How long have you known him?

INT. MARY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Tucker has a look of concern.

MARY:

Not long at all, but I really like him.

(off Tucker's look)

Okay, I know he's a little different,

Tucker, but that's what I like about him.

He's a guy. A real guy. He dresses like a

dork and eats corndogs and he isn't always

politically correct and he probably farts,

too. And that's okay with me.

TUCKER:

That's what you've been looking for--a

farter?

MARY:

I've been looking for a guy--not one of

these South Beach pussies.

TUCKER:

(SIGHS)

Look, it's just that something about him

struck me as odd last night. He gave me

this funny vibe. Anyway, I called some

friends back east. They don't know of any

architect named Patrick Healy and he's not

listed as a Harvard alumnus.

INT. HEALY'S CAR - SAME

Healy SLAMS his hand on the steering wheel.

HEALY:

F***!!

MARY (O.S.)

Huh...that's strange.

INT. MARY'S OFFICE - SAME

TUCKER:

I thought so. Anyway, I hope you don't

think I'm being meddlesome. I just think

you should be careful with this guy.

MARY:

(concerned)

No no no, Tucker, thank you.

TUCKER:

I mean let's face it, Mary, you're

beautiful, you've got money, you trust

people--I'm just saying, there's a lot of

psychos out there.

MARY:

(small smile)

I appreciate you looking out for me.

CUT TO:

INT. SOUTH CAROLINA PRISON - DAY

CLOSE ON - Detective Franek as he SPEAKS, sheepishly. His

remorseful- looking partner Cavallo stands behind him.

DETECTIVE FRANEK

On behalf of the entire South Carolina law

enforcement community, I would like to

offer our heartfelt apologies for any pain

or temporary inconvenience we may have

caused you, Mr. Peloquin.

REVERSE ANGLE - reveals that Ted is lying on his prison bed

being spooned by a 300-pound SLEEPING INMATE.

INT. PRISON HALLWAY

The two Detectives and an apoplectic Ted walk down the hallway.

DETECTIVE FRANEK

At exactly 10:
48 this morning a man was

apprehended not far from where you were

arrested. He was identified as an escaped

mental patient and subsequently confessed

to the murder that you were being held for.

Lab tests confirmed a fingerprint match on

the bag.

TED:

(fragile)

So...I'm free to go?

Detective Cavallo stops and holds out his hand.

DETECTIVE CAVALLO

No harm, no foul?

TED:

(stunned)

I guess.

Still traumatized, Ted shakes the man's hand, then mopes toward

the door.

DETECTIVE FRANEK

By the way, there's somebody here to see

you.

CUT TO:

INT. TED'S CAR - DAY

Dom is driving; a bruised and somber Ted is in the passenger seat.

DOM:

You are one lucky sonofabitch, you know

that?

TED:

I am?

DOM:

Didn't they tell you? That hitcher was just

about to cut your throat when you stopped

to take a leak. You got a f***ing horseshoe

up your ass, man.

TED:

Yeah feels like it.

Ted grimaces and shifts in his seat.

TED (cont'd)

How the hell did you get here anyway?

DOM:

Flew.

(beat)

Told my wife I was going to a Promise

Keepers convention.

Ted gives him a look.

DOM (cont'd)

I hate to ruin your day, Ted, but I have

some bad news for you.

Ted SIGHS.

TED:

(resigned)

Shoot.

DOM:

Remember our friend Healy? Well, I didn't

know where to mail his last paycheck so I

sent my assistant by his mother's

apartment. Turns out there is no diabetic

mom. Landlord said she's been dead for ten

years.

TED:

And this adversely affects me how...?

DOM:

Don't you see?--Healy lied to us about

everything! The landlord said when he got

back from Miami he kept talking about

falling for some doctor named Mary!

Ted is stunned.

TED:

Huh? What? No...My Mary? Mary wouldn't go

for him....would she?

Dom hands Ted a SLIP OF PAPER.

DOM:

His address in Miami. You know, when you

think about it, we really don't know the

first thing about this guy.

Finally the implications of this dawn on Ted.

TED:

Jesus Christ what have I done?

CUT TO:

INT. MARY'S APARTMENT - EVENING

A confused Mary and her girlfriends are in the apartment while

Magda listens to the radio scanner in the b.g.

LISA:

You're not seriously thinking about going

out with this guy again?

JOANNIE:

Mary, he sounds like a psycho!

MAGDA:

Would you hens quit ya cackling and let her

do what she wants to do. Puffy liked him

and Puffy's never wrong.

The girlfriends roll their eyes.

BRENDA:

Mary, the guy's full of sh*t.

MARY:

What if he's not? What if Tucker just made

an honest mistake?

LISA:

What if he didn't?

It's clear that Mary is torn.

MARY:

I don't know how I can bail now, he's going

to be here any minute.

JOANNIE:

Well then blow him off when he gets here.

MARY:

But you didn't meet him. He seems so I

don't know...perfect...kind of.

BRENDA:

He has a big cock, doesn't he?

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