There's Something About Mary Page #18

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. MARY'S APARTMENT - DAY

A lovesick Healy is mauling Mary out on the sidewalk in front

while Warren stands off to the side LISTENING TO A WALKMAN.

REVERSE ANGLE reveals a devastated Ted and Dom watching this

from Ted's car.

TED:

F*** me.

(sighs)

Let's go home.

DOM:

No! You've gone through way too much to

back down now. Get over there and do

something--I can't stand watching this.

BACK ON MARY AND HEALY as Healy starts OVER-DOING IT and Mary

has to break it off.

MARY:

Whoa, whoa, how's my stomach taste?

Healy LAUGHS.

HEALY:

How's my stomach taste, she says.

(shakes head)

Hey thanks for picking up the lunch tab,

Mare. Sorry I forgot my wallet. I feel like

a dog.

MARY:

Forget it. It was...fun.

ON TED AND DOM:

Ted recognizes Warren.

TED:

Holy sh*t, there's Warren.

BACK ON MARY. HEALY, AND WARREN

Suddenly we see Warren PERK UP at something.

WARREN:

Franks and beans!

ON TED AND DOM:

TED:

Jesus, I think her brother spotted me.

They both duck down in their seats.

BACK ON MARY. HEALY. AND WARREN

WARREN:

Beans and franks.

MARY:

Give it a rest, War. You just ate.

HEALY:

Aw, leave him alone, he's just got a big

appetite.

(to Warren)

Am I right?

Healy winks at Mary.

WARREN:

Huh?

Healy reaches over and lifts a headphone off Warren's ear.

HEALY:

I said you've got a big app--

Suddenly Warren SUCKER-PUNCHES HEALY IN THE THROAT.

HEALY (cont'd)

Urrggghh...

MARY:

Warren!

ON TED AND DOM - as they flinch.

DOM:

Attaboy!

BACK ON MARY et al - Healy holds his throat, clearly in pain.

MARY:

Are you okay?

HEALY (cont'd)

(raspy, to Mary)

Not to worry. So...see you tonight,

right? Right?

MARY:

(cornered)

Sure.

Mary watches with a look of concern as Healy gets in his car and

drives off.

ON TED AND DOM:

Ted stares gazily.

DOM:

Well? What are you waiting for?

TED:

I don't know what to say.

DOM:

Tell her the truth about Healy! Blow the

schmuck out of the water.

TED:

Are you crazy? I've unleashed a psycho on

her. She's gonna be f***ing pissed.

(stares at Mary)

She's even more beautiful than I remember.

THEIR POV - Mary and Warren start to go in the apartment.

DOM:

Get over there, you p*ssy! She's leaving!

Suddenly Dom HONKS THE HORN, then ducks down. Mary turns around

and sees Ted.

TED:

You a**hole, what are you--

(CALLING OUT CHEERILY)

Mary! Is that you?

MARY:

(squinting)

Who's that?

Ted gets out of the car and hustles across the street toward Mary.

TED:

It is you! It's me...Ted. From Rhode

Island Ted.

Finally she recognizes him.

MARY:

Oh my God...Ted.

(big smile)

What are you...? I can't believe this. I

haven't seen you since--

TED:

Yup, that's right. Junior prom...kinda.

MARY:

And did everything--?

TED:

Oh yeah, healed right up. No visible scars.

Mary LAUGHS.

TED (cont'd)

How are you doing, Warren?

WARREN:

Good, Ted. Piggy back ride?

TED:

I'm gonna take a rain check.

Mary is stunned.

MARY:

I can't believe he remembered you. He never

remembers anybody.

(beat)

You know I tried to call you for weeks

after that.

TED:

Really? I never got a message.

MARY:

That's weird. I talked to your brother

Jimmy five or six times.

Ted is devastated to hear this.

MARY (cont'd)

By the way, how's he doing?

TED:

He's dead.

MARY:

(taken aback)

Oh, Ted I'm so sorry to hear that.

TED:

(bitter)

No, it was a good thing.

(off her look)

I mean, good in that it was very quick.

Ted pantomimes an explosion.

MARY:

Oh. So...what brings you down here?

TED:

Funny story. You see, me and a buddy of

mine decided to...ah...you know...just

...drive down.

She stares at him.

MARY:

Well you look great. Are you married, do

you have kids?

TED:

Nope, nope--dodged a few bullets.

(smiles)

God, I cannot believe I'm standing here

with Mary Jenson.

MARY:

Actually, it's Mary Brooks now.

TED:

(taken aback)

Oh...are you...?

MARY:

Nope, haven't walked the plank yet.

(off his look)

There was this guy back in college who was

bothering me...got kind of ugly--a

restraining order, the whole bit. Anyway,

when I got out of Princeton I changed my

name as a precaution.

TED:

Jeez...that sounds awful. Hey, what do you

say we go out to dinner tonight, catch up

on old times?

BEAT.

MARY:

Didn't we just do that?

Ted doesn't know how to respond to this and then she smiles.

MARY (cont'd)

I'm kidding. I'd really love to, Ted, but

the thing is I already have plans. How

about tomorrow night?

TED:

Mary, we haven't seen each other in twelve

years.

(beat)

Don't make me wait another day.

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