There's Something About Mary Page #19

Mary seems touched by this.

MARY:

Tell me where you're staying. I'll pick you

up at eight.

Ted finally smiles and we

CUT TO:

INT. HEALY'S CAR - TWILIGHT

A content Healy is parked out front of Mary's apartment, absently

listening to her spill her guts to Magda while he reads the

newspaper.

MAGDA (V.O.)

I'm buying bananas tonight.

MARY (V.O.)

Why?

MAGDA (V.O.)

Back when I was your age I always used to

make myself a big banana split after sex. I

think you're gonna need one tonight.

MARY (V.O.)

Don't get ahead of yourself. You'll

probably need it before I will.

INT. MARY'S APARTMENT - SAME

Mary is skipping around the apartment while Magda sits on the

couch.

MAGDA:

Don't bet on it. Last time I had a pap

smear the guy needed leather gloves and an

oyster shucker.

MARY:

So maybe I could find a nice gentleman to

take you to the movies.

MAGDA:

Knock it off, Pollyanna, just 'cause you're

in love doesn't mean everyone else has to

be.

MARY:

Love? Come on, I wouldn't call it love.

MAGDA:

Oh no? I ain't seen you beaming like this

since you broke ninety on the Blue Monster.

BACK ON HEALY - he's reveling in it all.

MARY (V.O. )

Well I am pretty psyched. I ran into a

guy today I hadn't seen since high school.

Healy loses the smile and sits up.

MAGDA (V.O.)

An old flame?

MARY (V.O.)

Kind of. Ted Peloquin--one of the sweetest

guys in the world.

Healy TURNS UP THE VOLUME.

ON MARY:

MARY (cont'd)

He was so shy and clumsy...I had a major

crush on him.

BACK ON HEALY as he nearly puts his head through the roof. He

grabs hold of the steering wheel and pounds his head on it.

HEALY:

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MARY (V.O.) (cont'd)

We're gonna go out tonight. Oh, that

reminds me, I've got to call

what's-his-face and cancel.

ON MARY:

MAGDA:

Do I sense a chill in the air?

Mary sits down.

MARY:

Oh, Magda, I let my head get in the way of

my love life. I always pick guys on what I

feel in here.

(pats heart)

But with this Pat guy my head kept saying

"Grow up, Mary. You have a lot in common

with this one, you'll grow to feel

something for him." But it never happened.

ON HEALY - he couldn't look more crushed. Suddenly his cellular

phone RINGS. He stares at it for TWO, THREE, FOUR RINGS.

Panic-stricken. Then he answers it.

HEALY:

(jovial voice)

Hey, Patty-boy here. Sorry I missed ya, but

I'm out rustling up some champagne and

roses in preparation for the greatest

birthday of my life. Hope you and yours are

having a good day, too.

Healy makes a BEEP sound and then holds his breath.

ON MARY - she stares at the phone, feeling cornered.

MARY:

Uh, hi Pat, it's me, Mary. Just wanted to

say I'm...looking forward to tonight.

She hangs up.

MAGDA:

You vicious b*tch, how do you sleep at

night?

MARY:

I can't do it--I just found out it's his

birthday.

(sighs)

I guess I've gotta cancel on Ted.

ON HEALY - he blows imaginary smoke off an imaginary gun. Then

he sits back and smugly listens to her DIAL THE PHONE. But then he

hears something that concerns him--a KNOCK on the door and the dog

YAPPING.

ON MARY - she puts down the phone and answers the door. It's

Tucker, the architect.

MARY:

(surprised)

Tucker...come on in.

BACK ON HEALY pulling his hair out. He's on an emotional roller

coaster heading downhill.

MAGDA (V.O.)

Well look who's here.

BACK TO MARY'S APARTMENT - Tucker is carrying an unopened BOTTLE

OF SCOTCH and absently flicking the YAPPING pooch off his ankles.

TUCKER:

There she is--I brought you a little

thirst-quencher, Mag.

MAGDA:

Oh, you are sweet.

TUCKER:

No, I'm not. I just want to get you-drunk

so you'll pass out and I can have my way

with Mary.

Everyone LAUGHS.

MARY:

Can I pour you one?

TUCKER:

Thanks, but I've got to be going.

Unfortunately, Doc, this isn't a social

visit.

Tucker's tone shifts and Mary grows concerned.

MARY:

What's up?

TUCKER:

Well...I've got a little more news about

your friend Healy.

Mary seems relieved.

MARY:

I know what you're going to say, but he

already told me everything. I know he's not

an architect.

Tucker pulls out a piece of paper.

TUCKER (cont'd)

I think you'd better sit down.

MARY:

Tucker, I appreciate you doing all this,

but I'm really strapped for time here and--

TUCKER:

Mary, the man's a killer.

ON HEALY - he can't believe his ears.

BACK ON MARY - as she lowers herself onto the couch.

MARY:

(stunned)

What...?

TUCKER:

I've got a friend in the Boston police

department. He faxed me this this morning.

I'll just give you the highlights.

(reading from rap sheet)

After a short stint as a petty thief,

Patrick R. Healy graduated to armed robbery

by the age of fourteen. At sixteen he

committed his first murder--a pretty

teacher's aid named Molly Pettygrove. He

was incarcerated until age twenty-two when,

despite a grim psychological profile, the

state was forced to release him. In his

mid-twenties and again in his early

thirties he was suspected of homicides in

the states of Utah and Washington.

Unfortunately, the bodies were so badly

decomposed that there wasn't enough

evidence to hold him, and on and on and so

forth and so on.

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