There's Something About Mary Page #2

MARY (cont'd)

Are you all right?

EAR-MUFF GUY

Mary, you seen my baseball?

MARY:

No, I haven't seen your baseball. Jeez,

Warren, you know you're not supposed to

leave the yard by yourself.

BOYFRIEND/SMOKEY

(to Mary)

You know him?

MARY:

He's my brother.

BOYFRIEND/SMOKEY

Oh.

(beat)

I didn't realize he was...you know...

At this, Smokey and his girlfriend reluctantly head toward the

school, along with most of the crowd.

Mary turns her attention in the direction Ted was thrown.

MARY:

You okay?

HER POV - Ted is sitting in a mud puddle. He stands and brushes

himself off.

TED:

Oh yeah. Fine.

MARY:

Thanks a lot, Ted.

CLOSE ON - Ted. He can't believe what he's just heard. As Mary

helps him up, she turns her attention to Warren.

MAN'S VOICE (V.O.)

That she knew my name blew my mind. Some of

my best friends didn't know my name.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MORNING

Mary and a muddied Ted are walking Warren home. Warren lags

behind, mumbling to himself. Mary notices that Ted is limping.

MARY:

Hey, you're limping. Did you just hurt

yourself?

TED:

No, it's an old football injury.

MARY:

Oh, are you on the team?

TED:

No, a couple of the players and me were

joking around and, uh, I fell off the

school.

Warren approaches and motions for Ted to hop on his back.

WARREN:

Piggyback ride?

MARY:

Warren, come on, leave Ted alone.

Warren pats his back again.

WARREN:

Piggyback ride.

TED:

(to Mary)

I don't mind. If you think he can hold me.

MARY:

Oh he can hold you. He weighs

two-hundred-and-thirty pounds.

TED:

A real Clydesdale, huh Warren?

Ted hops onto Warren's back.

TED (cont'd)

Giddy-up.

Warren walks about five feet and stops.

WARREN:

My turn now.

Off Ted's reaction, we

CUT TO:

EXT . MARY'S HOUSE - DAY

Muddy sweat is running down Ted's face as he struggles up a hill

with Warren on his back.

TED:

(straining)

We're here, Warren. You wanna get off?

WARREN:

Giddy-up.

Ted rolls his eyes and continues toward the front door. Mary looks

on, amused.

MARY:

So who you taking to the prom?

TED:

Huh?

MARY:

The prom--you going?

TED:

Oh, I don't know. I think proms are pretty

dumb.

MARY:

'Cause I thought maybe you and I could go

if you weren't already taking someone.

TED:

I mean dumb in the sense that they only

happen once a year.

She smiles at this.

MAN'S VOICE (V.O.)

From that moment on the guys at school

looked at me in a whole new light.

CUT TO:

CLOSE ON FRIEND #1

FRIEND #1

You're a f***ing liar!

EXT. CUMBERLAND HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

PULLBACK TO REVEAL - Ted is leaning against his locker

surrounded by a group of guys.

FRIEND #2

You expect us to believe you're going to

the prom with Mary? What about Woogie?

TED:

They broke up. She said he started getting

weird on her.

FRIEND #1

I got twenty bucks says you're full of

sh*t.

TED:

Oh come on, why would I lie?

FRIEND #1

Because you're a loser, and in some warped

way this gives you a momentary sense of

worth.

FRIEND #2

Put me down for fifty.

FRIEND #3

I'm in.

As the others join in, we

CUT TO:

EXT. MARY'S HOUSE - TWILIGHT

A tuxedoed and smiling Ted drives up in his parent's station

wagon.

EXT. MARY' S FRONT DOOR - TWILIGHT

Ted knocks on the door and Mary's gruff DAD answers.

MARY'S DAD

Yeah? What do you want?

TED:

Um, hi, I'm Ted Peloquin. I'm here to take

Mary to the prom.

MARY'S DAD

Prom? You're about twenty minutes late. She

just left for the prom with her boyfriend

Woogie.

Ted looks devastated. Suddenly the door swings open revealing

MARY'S MOM.

MARY'S MOM

Charlie, that's mean. Come on in, Ted.

Don't listen to Mr. Wise Guy here. He's a

joke a minute.

TED:

Oh.

(relieved)

Oh, that's a good one.

INT. MARY'S HOUSE - TWILIGHT

Ted nervously enters and sees Warren watching T.V. in the den.

TED:

Hey, Warren.

Warren doesn't look his way.

Just then Mary comes down the stairs looking as if the directors

had really taken their time casting this role. Ted can't believe

his eyes.

MARY:

Hi, Ted.

TED:

Hi, Mary.

MARY'S MOM

Poor Teddy--he's been getting it both

barrels from the Wisenheimer here.

MARY:

Dad, have you been busting Ted's chops?

Mary's Dad shrugs.

MARY (cont'd)

Warren, did you say hi to Ted?

WARREN:

(not looking up)

'Bout ten times.

TED:

Hey, Warren, I think I know where your

baseball is.

This finally gets Warren's attention.

WARREN:

You seen my baseball?

We see Ted discreetly pull a BRAND NEW BASEBALL out of his pocket

and palm it in his hand.

TED:

Well, if it's a big white one with red

stitching, I think I saw it right behind

your ear ..

Ted is reaching behind Warren's ear when suddenly Warren TAKES A

SWIPE AT HIM, knocking him to the ground.

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