There's Something About Mary Page #6

TED:

I don't know, maybe you could poke around

for a half day and see if she has five kids

and a Labrador.

HEALY:

I don't buy it.

TED:

You don't buy what?

Suddenly Healy is in his face.

HEALY:

Ted, I'm the kind of guy who shoots from

the hip. Now I want you to level with me:

Did you knock this skirt up?

TED:

(indignant)

No.

HEALY:

She's blackmailing you, right?

TED:

(more indignant)

No.

HEALY:

You want her dead, don't you?

TED:

You can't be serious.

HEALY:

Do you really expect me to believe this is

a straight stalker case?

TED:

I'm not a stalker ! She's a friend of mine.

HEALY:

Sure she is. That's why she got an unlisted

number and you haven't heard squat from her

in a dozen years. Oh you're good, Ted.

You're a real piece of work.

TED:

(stands)

Look, let's forget it. Let's forget the

whole thing.

HEALY:

I get one hundred a day plus expenses.

TED:

(LAUGHS at Healy's nerve)

You get fifty a day, period. It's a

business trip, they'll pay for your

expenses.

Healy thinks about it.

HEALY:

Okay, Ted, I'll do it. But if this chick

turns up with a toe tag, I'm rolling over

on you.

CUT TO:

ESTABLISHING SHOT - of Miami Beach

EXT. COLLINS AVENUE - DAY

Healy waits alone on a corner carrying one bag and a RACK OF

BEERS. Suddenly a '89 Chrysler Lebaron convertible with a GREAT

DANE in the back SCREECHES to a halt in front of him. The driver,

SULLY, is a muscular, well-groomed man in his thirties.

SULLY:

Healy you dog!

HEALY:

(checking out car)

F***ing Sully! Look at you!

SULLY:

(Boston accent)

You hot sh*t. Ya look f***in' pisser.

INT. CHRYSLER LEBARON - DAY

The dog is catching wind in the backseat and Sully hands Healy a

packet.

SULLY:

Here's the info you asked for.

HEALY:

Thanks.

SULLY:

You should thank me--that girl was not easy

to find. What'd she scam you out of-some

insurance dough?

HEALY:

Nah, some guy threw me a few bucks to track

down his high school girlfriend.

SULLY:

Stalker, huh?

HEALY:

Big time.

INT. SULLY'S APARTMENT - DAY

This place is modest and clean but it has a direct view of South

Beach. Healy puts his bags down and looks around.

HEALY:

Very nice.

SULLY:

I'm doing okay.

(checks watch)

I gotta get ready for work.

Sully ducks into the bedroom and Healy looks around the apartment.

HEALY:

Okay? With this pad, the killer wheels?

Looks like you really cleaned up your act.

SULLY (O.S.)

What can I tell you? It's a healthier

lifestyle down here, and it's easier to

succeed when your head's clear. Those guys

I worked with back in Boston, they were a

bad influence.

HEALY:

F***in' animals. Hey, what do you say we go

grab a couple drinks.

SULLY (O.S.)

Not for me, buddy. I don't drink anymore.

HEALY:

Yeah, and you don't drink any less, right?

Suddenly a huge Boa Constrictor slithers up on Healy's lap.

HEALY (cont'd)

What the...?!

Sully comes back in the room wearing a police uniform.

SULLY:

Take it easy, that's Bill.

HEALY:

Tell Bill to get the f*** off!

SULLY:

(smiling)

Relax, he just ate.

Healy just stares at his friend.

SULLY (cont'd)

(proudly)

Nineteen months I been sober.

HEALY:

What are you talking about? You were never

an alky, you were a cokehead.

SULLY:

Yeah, well when you quit blow, you gotta

quit the booze, too.

HEALY:

Is that right? Well good for you, Sull, I'm

proud of you.

Healy pops open one of his beers and hands it to Sully.

HEALY (cont'd)

Here, just have one of these then.

SULLY:

Healy, what I just tell you?

HEALY:

This is a light beer. You can't have a

light beer?

SULLY:

No I can't.

Healy stares at him, baffled.

HEALY:

Sully, it's one f***in' beer for Christ

sakes.

(holds up beer)

Ooh, the big bad beer's gonna get ya.

Sully stares at the beer, weakening.

HEALY (cont'd)

I'm worried about you, man. You better

learn to have a pop once in a while or

you're gonna fall off the wagon. You're

being a fanatic and that ain't healthy.

SULLY:

Am I?

HEALY:

Bet your ass you are. Now I don't want to

hear anymore of your happy horseshit. You

gotta learn how to bend a little or believe

me...you're gonna break.

Finally, Sully takes the beer. He stares at it a moment and then

sips.

SULLY:

Jesus, you know what? This sh*t doesn't

even taste good to me anymore.

HEALY:

Ah, f*** ya then, you big p*ssy. What are

you, spotting?

Healy takes the beer from Sully and as he chugs it, we

CUT TO:

INT. CHRYSLER LEBARON - DAWN

Healy is on a stakeout. He's dozing. He's been here for hours,

food wrappers litter Sully's car. He's wearing Walkman-type

HEADPHONES which are connected to a RADIO SURVEILLANCE MICROPHONE

attached to a pair of BINOCULARS.

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