They're Watching Page #6

And here's my little friend.

SARAH:
Oh, it's the cat

from the first segment.

That is so cute.

Jesus f***ing Christ.

Go make yourself useful.

And go get me

some B roll shots.

All right, shoot some

f***ing trees, some cows.

Just get the f***

outta my face.

SARAH:
I paid

$150,000 at film school

to film trees.

We got it, we got

the B roll you needed.

We got this big-ass stump.

Want some B roll

of some stray dogs?

Here you go.

The barn of passion.

Transformed from a

place where animals eat

into a warm and

stylish f*** pad.

Fink.

Huh, looks like Becky

ran outta steam.

Ah, hello, Senor Frog.

(FROG CROAKS)

Whoa.

What the hell is that?

(FROGS CROAKING)

(STATIC HISSES)

ALEX:
Who's a good dog?

Who's my good boy?

You wanna be a TV star?

SARAH:
Alex.

ALEX:
I do, Alex. I do

wanna be a TV star.

Alex.

What's up?

Something's wrong

with the camera.

ALEX:
Oh great,

Kate's gonna love that.

Just go show it to Greg.

He's inside setting up a shot.

ALEX:
Good boy want a Doina?

Does a good boy wanna Doina?

What's this? It's a Doina.

Yeah, you don't like Doina?

Uh, Greg, there's something

wrong with the camera.

GREG:
Let's take a look.

Did you try turning

it off and on?

Sometimes that works.

SARAH:
Yes.

Well, it looks

like it's working.

It was totally

fritzing out before.

Yeah, well,

looks good to me now.

So, uh, what are

you doin' later?

I don't know,

I got this thing.

Yeah.

What?

Bumpy ride, bad food.

Oh, the bumpy ride,

bad food thing.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, I've got

one of those, too.

Yeah.

How 'bout after that?

KATE:
Isn't gonna get

this done, so here we go.

How hard could this be?

Ah, excuse me, yes,

I am Kate Banks,

host and producer of

Home Hunters Global.

I know.

Oh, I've got more fans.

Okay. (LAUGHS) Oh,

you guys are so great.

So, uh, what's your

favorite part of the show?

VLADIMIR:
Kate.

Kate, Becky, she wants

to show us something

inside, come, come, come.

KATE:
All right.

(VLADIMIR SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

So you guys remember

the wine cellar, right?

KATE:
Right, yeah.

You are not gonna

believe what we found

when we started

fixing this all up.

KATE:
Cases of wine?

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

All right, hold on.

Here we go.

Oh, can you grab that light?

(SCREAM)

KATE:
What was that?

SARAH:
What the hell?

That's Alex.

SARAH:
Alex!

SARAH:
Oh, my gosh!

(GUNSHOT)

(DOG WHIMPERS)

SARAH:
Oh, my God,

Alex, your arm.

Oh sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,

come on, come on.

KATE:
Grab the dog!

What we need right

now is a blanket.

We don't have

a f***ing blanket.

Then take off your jacket

and put it over his shoulder!

(ALL CLAMORING)

KATE:
What kind of

hospital is this?

SARAH:
Can't believe this

is the only doctor in town.

Only doctor in town

is best doctor in town.

We should've stayed

and finished the shoot.

Really, Kate, with

a dead sound tech?

I'd love to see you

explain that to Wallace.

F*** Wallace.

F*** this. How am I

supposed to do a show

with a bunch of f***-ups?

I need some air.

SARAH:
(SIGHS) Greg,

is he gonna be okay?

That was a lot of blood.

Yeah, I think Alex is going

to be fine, that wasn't...

Wasn't that much blood.

SARAH:
So...

Uh, what happened

in Afghanistan?

(DOOR OPENING)

Game of badminton, ladies?

GREG:
It lives.

It does.

SARAH:
Are you okay?

GREG:
Like Lazarus.

Yeah, no, man,

it was gnarly.

Let me tell you something,

this dude right here

has the best painkillers

in the city.

That's my boy.

If it's good enough

for pigs,

it's good enough for me,

right, my man?

GREG:
Okay.

Put it up here.

Thank you very

much for your help.

That's right.

Let's go, let's go.

That's my boy

right there.

Sarah, let's get

the f*** out of here.

ALEX:
That's my guy.

I tell you,

you haven't lived

till you got a brain

full of narcotics

and a belly full of

hog balls, people.

(SNIGGERING)

It's heaven.

Those guys are

still staring at us.

That's really great.

ALEX:
I know,

they are big starers

in this town.

It's a little village,

little people.

Naturally curious,

like monkeys.

SARAH:
Creepy monkeys.

You know, we could just

order them some drinks.

Ah!

It's cheap, it's easy,

they'd like that.

KATE:
Great idea.

Greeks, this they like.

Good idea.

That's not going to...

Vladimir,

make that happen.

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

GREG:
Cheers.

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

(VLADIMIR GROANS)

KATE:
Okay, someone's

getting up.

ALEX:
Oh, sh*t.

SARAH:
Greg?

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

VLADIMIR:
Hey, uh, Greg,

he only ask

why you filming

everything.

Hey, cheers, guys.

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Booze buys happiness,

every time.

(SNIGGERING) Ah!

(CHANTING IN

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(ALL CHEERING

AND WHOOPING)

(APPLAUDING)

(SPEAKING OTHER

LANGUAGE) Go!

(ALL CLAMORING)

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(CHEERING AND LAUGHING)

(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)

(VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Vladimir, get some

f***ing alcohol.

Come on, man.

Hey!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey!

Holy f***ing kid.

(CLAPPING)

(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Okay, Greg,

here we go.

(TAPPING)

Okay.

Ah!

(SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

(INDISTINCT)

Yeah!

USA, USA, USA!

USA!

SARAH:
You, uh,

drunk enough

to tell me

about Afghanistan?

(MUSIC PLAYING CONTINUES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

SARAH:
You ever going to

talk to me again?

Ugh. (CHUCKLING)

You're name again

is Margarita, right?

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

And you're, Margo what?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

Margarita,

that's nice.

What? What is she saying?

What's your name again?

Luma?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

Not-ser-ay, that's a

nice name, Not-ser-ay.

Not-ser-ay and Margarita.

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

So what was I

talking about?

Oh, yeah, I don't like

her new haircut.

I don't think it's hot.

SARAH:
Your earrings

are gorgeous.

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

SARAH:
Uh, Vladimir,

how do I say gorgeous?

(VLADIMIR AND SARAH

SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Yeah.

SARAH:
You're welcome.

Hey, Vlad, how

do I say, uh, beer?

(ALL SPEAKING IN

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(INDISTINCT CLAMORING)

ALEX:
Can I say vodka?

VLADIMIR:
Vodka.

Vodka, that's like

international, man,

everybody knows that.

(YELLING)

Vodka? Vodka!

WAITRESS:
Vodka...

KATE:
How do you say

"bedroom"?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(ALL CHEERING)

I don't want this,

this isn't for me,

this is...

You've got to

give it to her.

SARAH:
Uh... (GUFFAWS)

Vladimir, how do I say

"I'm sorry."

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(CHEERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

Excuse... Wait, what?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

SARAH:
Hmm.

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

SARAH:
What does

that mean?

It means,

"I am a**hole."

ALEX:
Wait, um,

how do you say, uh...

(CLICKS TONGUE) "Do you

have any diseases that

I should be worried about?"

Jesus, how do you

say "moron"?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

We got a big ass prost

over here!

Dick-wad, how do

you say dick-wad?

(SPEAKING

OTHER LANGUAGE)

(ALL CLAMORING)

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