Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Page #2

- I forgot it.|- Are you in love?

- Well, there is someone.|- But?

We date. I have memorized his phone|number, but I won't use his toothbrush.

We're somewhere in between,|and he's crazy about me.

As he should be.|You glide.

- I glide?|- You glide. It's a very attractive quality.

Most girls, they merely plod along.|You, on the other hand, you glide.

Tell me about it.|What's his name? Chip?

- Alex.|- Same thing. Does he... make you thump?

Define "thump. "

Thump. When you think about him,|you can't eat, you can't sleep.

When he smiles, you forget about man's|inhumanity to man. Does he do that for you?

That's a ridiculous concept.|No one can do that.

Girls who glide need guys|who make them thump.

"Girls who glide need guys|who make 'em thump. "

- Have dinner with me.|- Aren't we the sultan of segue?

- It's a beautiful month. Just have dinner with me.|- Are you gonna make me thump?

Or die trying.|Dinner.

Just dinner.

- I'm gonna regret this.|- Only if we're lucky.

# I took a peek through my window #

- # And what'd you think I seen #|- Right here.

# My baby settin'|beside another... #

- See ya, Jack.|- I'll see ya.

- Oh, m... Oh, my... my lucky f***in' day. What?|- Hey.

- Jimmy the Saint.|- Hello, boys.

- That's a nice suit. Versace?|- No.

- Armani?|- No.

Hugo Boss?

- What's with this?|- Ellie's P. O. said he needed a hobby.

- Fashion is his hobby?|- He tried makin' his own pasta.

Didn't move him.

A three-button ventless.|I like that, Jimmy. Classy.

'Course, uh, you gotta|have the build for it.

- What's up?|- He wants to see you, Jim.

- Aw, come on. What for?|- Hey, what can I tell ya?

He says, "Gus, I wanna|see Jimmy the Saint. "

I said, "Boss, Jimmy the Saint|ain't mixin' it up no more. "

He says, "Gus, I wanna|see Jimmy the Saint. "

Here we are.

The point of me arguing|seemed, uh, specious.

Gus is readin' the dictionary.

Good.

- When does he want to see me?|- Now.

- Now?|- Anon.

You know the dance.

It's been a long time,|huh, Jimmy?

Long time, Jimmy.|You don't come around.

Been busy.|Workin' hard.

Right.

Citizen now.

Legitimate businessman.

I heard|about your endeavor,

some kind of support group thing|for dying fags or something.

- Something.|- I spend all my time with these two f***in' morons...

and my village idiot son.

I miss my wife, Jimmy.

You remember Cynthia?

Beautiful lady. Special.

Thank God she never had|to see me like this.

Look at you.|You got a lady?

- No.|- That's 'cause you're hangin' around...

with the virus breeders,|Jimmy: V. B. s.

You into that yet?|Bitin' the pillow?

- No.|- You will.

It's a liberal thing. One day|you're saving the rain forest,

the next you're chugging cock.

- Am I wrong?|- Talk to me, will ya?

I want peace.

I'm ass-fixed|to this chair. I'm tired.

I'm old.

I sh*t in a bag.|I piss in another.

I got a nurse.

Call the nurse.

Hello, Melanie.|Nod to my friend Jimmy.

- Hello.|- How are you?

Excuse us.

She's a ten.

Jimmy, she's a planet|unto herself.

She can't nurse worth sh*t,|but I keep her on 'cause...

although I can't feel it, I know|I have erections in her presence.

- You understand?|- I understand.

Good. Then you'll understand|when I say this.

Bernard, my son, he's all that's|left of my Cynthia,

and he's crazy|as a shithouse rat.

The other day|they catch him...

in the elementary school|playground...

grabbin' itty-bitty titty.

It was a mess.

And the thing is,|I understand the problem.

Bernard's problem...

Do you remember Meg?

- Yeah.|- Meg was...

Bernard's high-school|sweetheart, you know.

They kept it up|through college.

We thought they was|gonna get hitched.

Until she met|this beat Bruce.

Studying to be|an orthodontist.

She busted up with Bernard and moved|to L. A. with this beat Bruce.

Bernard's never been the same.

I understand part of this|was inevitable.

Being the son of me,|he lacks initiative.

Since this Meg thing,|his behavior is... worse.

Don't hurt me, man.|Oh, f... Oh! Oww!

And now,

this thing in the schoolyard,|uh, is a fiasco.

My intelligence tells me...

this beat Bruce|is comin' to Denver.

Meet Meg's folks, ask their permission|to marry the little bangtail.

This can't happen.

Meg loved Bernard|for seven years.

She can learn|to love him again.

- What do you want done?|- It's just an action. It's not a piece of work.

Catch the creep|out on the highway...

before he gets to Meg's,|brace him.

Make it so's he'd sooner|f*** the Fryolater than propose to Meg.

- Why me?|- Jimmy, you got the nice suit, you got the $70 haircut,

but you are taking a dump|in your video business.

I gotta call in the note.

What do you mean you gotta call in the|note? I didn't take the note off of you.

- I took it off of New Orleans Sal.|- Took it off New Orleans Sal?

Who do you think New Orleans Sal|took it off of?

Mmm, you ain't|no entrepreneur, Jimmy.

Okay. I need a crew.

- Maybe four.|- I worship you.

I'm payin' 50 Gs straight out.|It's just an action.

Split it|any way you want.

You wanna throw those pathetic yuks|some scratch,

I applaud your...|sensitivity.

For Cynthia, do it.

For Cynthia...

may she rest in peace...|do it!

For the old days,

do it.

For your fag business,|just do it.

Hey. Here's Ellie.|Brought you some seltzer.

Aaarrghh!

Aarrghh! Come back!

- Aye! Got ya!|Arrghh! Got you too!

Ohh!

Oh, ya bloody son of the sea.

Arrghh!

You can't|catch me!

Oh, sh*t.

Things are different now,|Slick.

I mean,|we're dug in here,

and I'm managing|the park now.

I do a few odd jobs,|make a little money.

I got free rent, got|a good situation here.

I understand. A one-shot deal.|We're in, we're out.

Give it a name. If it's so easy,|why do you need a crew?

Safety in numbers.

Plus the man|wants to pay the freight.

- Who am I to argue?|- I don't know, Jimmy.

- I mean, I got more than myself to think about now.|- I understand.

I got Dodie.|She's pregnant again.

- You oughta put a harness|on that tool there.

Yeah, give it a name.|Anyway, I got her and the kids now.

I know.|They're cute kids, man.

My last bit, man,|locked down,

this is all|I thought about.

Ten large.

Your call.|It's not my call.

Ten large there.

Come on. Let's go say|hello to Dodie, huh?

# When I reach that promised land #

- Hey. How ya doin', baby? Come here.|- Where you been?

- Remember Jimmy the Saint?|- Hello, Dodie.

- Jimmy, want a Coke or something?|- Sure.

# Brother, by and by #

# By and by|When I walk down the lonesome valley #

# That adjoins|the lonesome sky #

- # Now I know my baby's waiting #|- How are you, Dodie?

# By and by|Brother, by and by #

# By and by #

# When I walk down|the lonesome valley #

Let me ask you something,|Jimmy.

You gonna go through with this thing|no matter what?

I got to. He's got me|on the dangle.

# By and by #

Can't believe that Pieces,|of all people,

is workin'|in this f***in' joint.

- Hello, Jimmy. What's up?|- You.

- You stake me for a cup of coffee, baby?|- F*** off, cheese breath.

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