Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Page #8

Okay.

Just so's he disappears.

He's got a family.|He's got three kids. They need him.

And you! Follow him.

Be gone, Jim. F***in' gone.

Joe, it's me, Jimmy.|Any luck finding Bill?

Yeah. Lou Brophy?|Okay.

Yeah. I'm ready.

Bye.

You're leaving tomorrow.

And you're not coming back.

Am I right?

I could send for you.

Will you teach me|to ski?

Huh?

Nothin'.

Who's there?

- Billy, it's me, Jimmy.|I'm alone. Open up.

All right, Jimmy.

It's okay.

How'd you find me?

Billy,

what the f***|are you doin', man?

He comes a-callin',|I'll be ready.

When was the last time|you went out, Bill?

Couple of days ago.|I quit workin' at Carlotti's.

You sleep at all?

I been up|for four days straight.

Keeps you alert,|fine-tuned.

Billy, why don't we go out|and get something to eat?

I'm not real keen|on leavin' here.

- You hungry?|- No.

- 'Cause I could fix you up somethin'. You sure?|- No.

I got beans.

Ah, I got corn.|I got... spinach.

It's all free.

Ahh. I got beef stew.

- You want me to fix you up some beef stew, some hard roll?|- No. No.

Thanks. It's okay.

All right. Okay.

Jimmy, you know, I'm...

I'm glad you found me, man,|because I-I been...

I been wantin'|to talk to you.

You know...

I been wantin' to apologize|to you, Jimmy, about that...

what happened out on the highway|the other night?

You know, man, I just...

Well, I kinda lost my sh*t|out there, ya know?

But, damn, Jimmy, it was|kind of irresponsible of you...

to put me out on point|in the first place, ya know?

When you think about it,|it really was sorta your fault.

I mean, everybody knows...

I'm out of my tits.

Bill, I went to see|Red the lawyer.

- Mexico City.|- I ain't goin' nowhere, Jim.

They can send|who they want to send,

- I will f*** them up five days from Tuesday.|- Billy, listen to me.

Listen, the Man With The Plan's just a|f***in' head. Ya ever think about that?

We all bow and cower and run chicken|from some f***in' head!

Well, no more, Jimmy.

My new motto:
|F*** the head!

Ha! You like that?

F*** the head!

Yeah, man!

F*** the head.

They got Easy Wind, Bill.

I know. Easy Wind.

He was a f***, but...

I kinda liked him anyhow.

When he started roundin' me on that|"fecal freak" stuff, it was lies, man.

- I know.|- I mean, not lies like you think, Jimmy.

Not out-and-out lies.|I mean, I ain't no brown boy.

- There was this one time. Marion in the f***in' basement.|- Billy, you don't...

- I don't wanna hear about it.|- Especially in the basement, you got to prove yourself.

You don't, you're hosed. This one scale|offered me five centuries to do it.

To do what, Bill?

Eat it, man.

Not a lot. Just a...|Just a little piece.

- I don't want to hear about this.|- I'm sayin' Easy Wind is a lyin' moon cricket,

but maybe on this one he wasn't really|lyin', 'cause I did it for a small nickel.

See... See,|he leaves that part out.

Five yards, man, and it was|only a little bitty piece of sh*t.

I mean, it didn't really|have no taste, either.

- Spongy.|- Jesus, Bill! Come on!

Well, it don't make me no fecal freak. Give|me some geezo juice around the basement...

and five yards,|and what the f***, Jimmy?

- You might do it yourself.|- That's right. I might do it myself.

I'm sayin' Easy Wind shouldn't oughta go|sayin' sh*t like that without, uh, uh...

- Qualifying it.|- Qualifying it. That's right, Jim. Without qualifying it.

That n*gger's|just a trash mouth.

I'll tell you what.

He'll get himself killed|if he don't watch out.

Sure you don't want|somethin' to eat?

I gotta go, Bill.

- And when you're 70,|- Boat drinks.

you realize|that life is nonsense.

In the grand scheme|of things, uh,

one life is nothing.

One life is a...|mustard burp:

momentarily tangy,|then forgotten in the air.

# Mustang Sally #

# Guess you'd better|slow your Mustang #

# Mustang Sally, baby #

Unh! God! Jesus!|Jesus!

You like that, huh?

- What the f*** are you doin', Tosnia?|- Why are you followin' the girl?

- Why are you followin'... You're a cop.|- I'm a cop!

- Talk to me, you sh*t! Why are you following the girl?|- F*** you!

This girl had nothin' to do with this,|you understand me?

She has nothing to do|with this. I'm done,

but if you just f***ing go near|that girl, if you f***in' go near her,

if she f***in' stubs her toe|and you're in the same zip code as her,

I'm gonna come after you,|my friend!

You! You'll be wearing a|flag-draped coffin, you understand me?

Stay the f*** away|from her!

Ya hear me on this?|Stay the f*** away from her.

Hey, I got a better|question for you.

What's ugly, tattooed and just got|sliced up like provolone?

- What?|- No! Let me go! Let me go!

No!

Unh!

- Choo-choo?|- Choo-choo. Or airplane.

- Choo-choo. Airplane?|- Oh, let's do airplane.

That's enough of that one.

- Get the f*** in there.|- Jimmy Tos.

That's enough, sweetie.|Take the night off.

Go home. Rent a video.

What the f*** did you do|to my Irish mallet, Jimmy?

- Looks terrible.|- You gave me your word on Franchise.

Oh, yeah.|Gave you my word.

Gee whiz. Well,|Jimmy, don't you see?

I'm a criminal.|My word don't mean dick.

You gave me your word. Your word!|Your word, you gave me the other day!

- You gave me your word.

I met someone.|I met a girl.

I'm asking you:
|I don't want her hurt.

I heard she's lovely. Maybe we'll|get her in here, dance for the boys.

- Jimmy! Jimmy!|- Ooh.

Get the f*** off me.

Jim! That's enough!

Ah, Jim! Jim!|Come on, here.

- Jimmy, for God's...|- Let me go. Let me go.

- Let me go!|- Come here!

You crippled f***!

All right. All right. He's all right.

He's all right.|He's all right.

He's all right.|I know him.

He's a friend.

I love this new|tough-guy thing, Jim.

Very exciting.|Now get on your knees.

- What?|- Get on your knees.

- Why are you doing this?|- 'Cause I got pressure sores, Jim.

They leak pus.|Now get on your knees.

- No.

Uuh!

Good.

- Get on your belly.|- Gaah...

- I'm not gonna beg.|- Get on your f***in' belly, Jim,

before I send the boys out with 30 vials|of rock and your quim's address.

They round up eight|crackhead n*ggers...

who gang-rape her|if they want to pipe up.

- Now, get on your f***in' belly.|- No.

- Aah!|- Beg for your life, Jim.

- I beg I die!|- Beg, you f***!

- Beg, a**hole.|- No.

Beg me or I'll let you suck my dead dick|in return for your life.

- No. -|Beg! - Beg.

- No!|- Beg, f***!

- No!|- Take out my dick.

- Wha...|- Huh?

Atwater, take it out.

Take it out!|Take it out!

Oh, please,|I don't want her hurt.

You scumbag.

Didn't you learn|nothing from me?

Never beg.|Never, ever f***in' beg.

Now I gotta|buckwheats you, Jim.

Go to Switzerland,|go to China,

go to the Washington|f***in' Zoo,

but an example's|gotta be made.

And if your bangtail's|with you... if Miss Dagney Krofft,

ski instructor at Vail...|if she's with you,

then she goes too...|10 minutes before you...

so's you gotta watch her,|you gotta watch her drain.

- Huh?|- Aah!

Or... maybe not.

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