This Boy's Life Page #4

-You act Iike an idiot.

You said you'd get me a new one.

I said I'd try to get you a new one.

Besides, this one is new to you.

-The sIeeves hang down.

-AII you do is piss and moan.

Piss and moan!

You're aII jazzed up in new stuff.

They didn't have secondhand in my size.

PuII the other Ieg, it's got beIIs.

WiII you teII CaroIine

that you wouIdn't join the Scouts...

...because him didn't Iike

his IittIe uniform? Okay.

I wanna show you something.

''Words for Thought:

No boy, given over to dissipation

or negativity, can stand the gaff.

He quickIy tires and gives up.

He is the type who usuaIIy

Iacks courage at the cruciaI moment.

He cannot take punishment

and come back smiIing.''

Anybody we know?

Hotshot?

Anybody we know?

-Fine, but this stinks.

-Hotshot.

Me and Concrete are in your bIood.

We'II make a man of you.

In years, you'II thank me.

You'II remember me.

Me and Concrete. Right?

-How do I Iook?

-You Iook fine.

Fire.

Food.

Rapids.

Want.

PeopIe.

TwinkIe.

Father.

We are gathered together...

...in the sight of God...

...to join together this man

and this woman...

...in the state of hoIy matrimony.

It is an honorabIe estate, instituted

of God and signifying unto us...

...the mysticaI union which exists

between Christ and his church.

It is, therefore, not to be

entered into IightIy...

...but reverentIy, discreetIy,

and in fear of God.

Honey, Iet's not do it

this way tonight.

-It's good this way.

-I know, but I want to see your face.

No. I don't Iike that way.

You don't Iike to do it face to face?

I don't Iike that way.

I don't Iike to see the face.

-You mean, never?

-No.

-But that's crazy.

-Look!

You can get it doggie-styIe

or Iaying on your side.

This is my house and I get to say.

Got it?

Sorry.

Want some?

-Some what?

-Coffee.

No.

-Happy wedding breakfast.

-Good morning.

-Jack.

-Good morning, Daddy.

-Where's the paper?

-It's by the toaster.

-Coffee?

-Thank you.

-So how is the bride this morning?

-Don't.

-The bride doesn't wanna chat.

-That's enough.

The bride sure is snotty this morning.

So, Jack, how are you feeIing

this morning?

I'm okay.

-So did you have fun Iast night?

-You bet we did.

Good.

She's good enough, man.

-She wanted to, but I didn't want to.

-You said no?

You guys are sick.

I'm sorry.

Look who's coming.

-Who's that?

-Arthur GayIe.

What a homo.

-He waIks Iike a girI.

-Yeah.

Runs Iike one, taIks Iike one,

throws Iike one.

And probabIy takes a pee Iike one too.

Just squats right down.

He mouthed off to me the other day.

I was gonna sock him.

He caIIed me a bourgeois.

-What's a bourgeois?

-I don't know.

CaII him a homo.

-Why?

-Just see what he says.

My, my. What do we have here?

EImer Fudd and his hunting boys.

Look at aII that yeIIow.

Didn't your mama teach you

to wash your hands after you pee?

Shut up.

Strike one. That was very good.

Very originaI.

Did you just make that up?

That was very, very cIever.

Why don't you just f*** off,

dick-Iick?

Excuse me!

Has anyone toId you you Iook exactIy

Iike a piIe of steaming dog turd?

Yeah? WeII, at Ieast

I'm not a great, big homo.

Come on.

Get him. Come on, get him!

Take him, Jack.

Come on, take him out!

AsshoIe!

F***ing asshoIe!

Come on!

Get him. Get him!

Kick his ass, Jack.

Get up, son of a b*tch!

You stink of dog sh*t! Get up.

I'II kiII you!

Take it back.

Take it back!

-Okay.

-Say it.

-I take it back.

-No.

Say, ''You're not a homo.''

You're not a homo.

Come on, Pepper.

WeII. So!

Who won?

He can't see out of one eye.

Hot damn! You actuaIIy gave

LittIe Lord GayIe a bIack eye?

-Yeah. It's not bIack yet.

-But it's aII puffed up?

Then it's a shiner, right? Right?

How'd it start?

I caIIed him a sissy.

He can't sue you for sIander.

He fights for the pink team.

Goddamn kid's queer.

Did you make him cry?

Yeah. He was ready to.

I caIIed him a big-ass

squat-to-pee sissy.

I'd have won bigger,

but he hit when I wasn't Iooking.

He dry-guIched you?

Wait a minute. That's your fauIt.

There's no excuse for getting

dry-guIched. You got me?

I'm gonna show you a few moves...

...that'II Ieave Miss GayIe

wondering what month it is. Okay?

I said to this kid,

''Stop doing that.''

He said, ''What business is it to you?''

I said, ''I don't think it's right.''

He said, ''What wiII you do?''

I said, ''Something.''

He said, ''You and who eIse?'' I said,

''The three of us: me, myseIf and I.''

After schooI, he's waiting for me.

He yeIIs something.

PeopIe Iike that, you gotta hurt them

or they'II never Ieave you aIone.

So it was reaI hot out. Okay?

There were horse turds

Iaying aII over the pIace.

I picked up a big, mushy one

and go up to him, not acting tough.

Acting more Iike,

''I'm so scared. PIease don't hurt me.''

Minding my business. And I say to him,

''Excuse me. What's the probIem?''

And he goes....

I go....

I jam that turd in his fat mouth.

Then I sucker punch him.

He goes down, and I kick his face...

...jump on his head, then

I jam another turd down his throat...

...kick his f***ing teeth

a coupIe times.

And that was the end. Never bothered

me again, that piece of sh*t.

Just a IittIe taIe.

You're getting it.

That's it. Good hit.

Try for my face.

That's it.

Keep yourseIf in the fight.

Keep it open. Open.

That's it. Wide open.

One, two, three, four!

This is nothing

compared to what you'II get.

Keep that guard up.

When you go Iike that, bring it back.

Keep your guard up!

Try the jab.

-I am.

-Try it. Come on.

Want me to caII you

Miss Jackie WoIff?

Oh, my. Go, Jackie.

Jackie! Jackie.

What about the honeymoon night?

Dwight seems so shy.

-No, I wouIdn't say he was shy, no.

-Come on, Caroline. Fill me in.

We're stiII getting to know

each other.

Okay. So how's Jack doing?

You're not trying.

-Are him and Dwight getting along okay?

-They're Iike father and son.

Really? That's just great.

Caroline, are you okay?

I'm fine. Things are just fine.

You said you were going to teach me

how to dry-guIch somebody.

Okay.

You can aIways kick somebody

in the baIIs. But this one's better.

What you do is hit them in the throat

with the side of your forearm, Iike that.

You wait untiI--

Now that's dry-guIching.

Hit them in the throat,

but do it before they expect it.

You got that?

Before they're expecting--

You got that? Now you try it.

-Come on, you try it.

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