This Girl's Life Page #4

- Really?

- And she had the memory loss.

And... that was terrible. What

was even worse than that was,

she would have hallucinations, and...

- Oh.

- It just ripped your heart out. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I... I just...

I have... I have to go.

Please. Do... Don't even worry

about it.

But it is... kinda funny,

actually.

Go on a date with a porn star

and I don't even get laid.

Well, actually, I never

have sex on the first date.

I know it's kind of a paradox,

sex being my business, but...

It's the way it goes.

You know, actually, while I've

got an expert in my living room,

I'm gonna ask:
What's your

favorite position?

What do you think?

Uh... I don't know. Maybe 69?

Uh, well, close. Uh, 68.

What's this? I don't even know

what this is.

Well, 68 is when, uh,

is when you go down on me...

and then I owe you one.

Made it into your pajamas.

Hey. It's your birthday

tomorrow. Remember?

- Mm-hmm.

- We've got friends comin' over.

I'm gonna make your favorite

clam pasta.

- Yeah. We have a lot of women

coming over.

- All right.

- You'll be a real ladies' man.

- Woo hoo.

Cha-cha-cha.

- Yeah.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Hey, Pops?

- Hmm?

I wish Mom was here.

Don't you hear me, Pops?

Don't talk about your mother.

She left us.

We weren't enough for her.

She was like a...

splinter in my eye.

Like a splinter...

in my brain.

I had to raise you...

all by myself.

You did a good job.

Suicide is selfish, Kiska.

No sense of duty.

Hey, you know? It's now okay,

because life is beautiful.

No, you.

You are so beautiful... Kiska.

You're not ugly like me.

You are not ugly.

Nah, don't kid me. I'm ugly.

No, you're not.

I'm so ugly...

I was on a walk, and this

dog tried to... hump my leg.

- So?

- So, his eyes were closed.

You know how ugly you have to be for a dog

to close his eyes when he humps your leg?

No, Pops.

Ooh! Hey, y'all.

Party over here. Party over here.

- Hi.

- Hi.

How are you?

- Hello, girl.

- Hey.

- Lookin' hot as usual.

- Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, I got your Dad a

little somethin' somethin'.

Oh, man, thank you.

You didn't have to.

You know, that's the whole

thing about life.

You don't have to do anything.

I wanted to.

Just like I wanted to have

a couple of Long Island

ice teas before I came over.

I'm sure you did.

I got the party started

a little early.

Cheyenne, are you in the same

line of business as Moon?

Yeah. I actually was

her first co-star.

- Really? How was that?

- It was great.

- Do you mind if I ask why you do it?

- Honestly, it's a rush.

I do it for

the mother-f***in' money.

What job is gonna pay you

four or five Gs

- to get your p*ssy purrin'

for a couple days?

- I hear that.

'Cause, the money makes

me a independent woman,

and no man is gonna own my ass.

By the way, my name is Mal.

Jessie, disaster with a knife.

- Hey.

- Nice to meet you.

Malpractice, maladjusted,

but, ooh,

never malicious, baby.

He's coming.

Surprise!

Happy Birthday!

Are you having a going-away

party for somebody?

It's your birthday, Pops.

Who's going away?

- Have a seat.

- Okay. Okay.

All right. Let's push you in.

Help. Help. Help. Okay...

Make as wish! Ooh!

Now, who say a man can't

give a good blow job? Hello.

So, you guys, um,

Martine's one of my oldest

friends. We went to school.

She's, uh, she' actually

a law student now.

She goes to one of

the best schools.

I'm very proud of her.

Oh, you're one of those brainy

mamas. Huh?

Yeah, she is.

Uh, no. This one was just as

smart as me. Probably smarter.

- Come on.

- You used to get the top grades.

Everyone used to cheat off of her.

Do you remember that?

Oh, my God.

Yeah. She traded it all away

for a life sex and whorin'.

Have you ever thought

about that?

Absolutely, I've thought

about that.

And I have my issues

with the industry.

The main one being that not

enough woman are directing.

But I'm gonna get

my chance in that.

I'm gonna bring my own

flavor into it.

A little more eroticism,

a little less straight

to the pounding.

Yes. But don't you think

you're exploited?

Aren't we all being exploited

on some level or another?

I choose what I do.

No one forces me.

Women... normal women do not

watch porn.

I watch porn late at night

sometimes, and I'm a teacher.

I like to play it in the

background while I mark papers.

X, X, X.

I'm sorry, but woman have died

so that we can vote and work.

Do you honestly think

that you are good examples

of how we've progressed

from cultures

where we're frequently nothing

more than baby machines,

and, in some areas, actually

still getting circumcised,

to being civilized women?

I felt that way before.

You felt like a civilized woman?

I had a job as a lawyer,

before I had Parkinson's Disease,

in Africa.

Ooh, Hakuna Matata.

So, you came to my homeland?

True story. I'm in Morocco

and I gotta take a sh*t

so, so bad, and they have

this thing in Morocco,

just this fence, like a board

and a hole in the ground.

So, I'm there and I'm squatting,

and there's people walking by,

and they watch while

I'm taking a crap!

I gotta go really bad.

I'd been eating this baba

ganoush and tabouli.

No. Wait a minute.

And I'm taking a crap,

and it's like molecular acid

or something coming out my ass.

And I... I reach over,

there's no toilet paper.

And I'm squatting,

it's all down my leg,

and as I do, I take my crap

and it says...

There's a slit in the wall,

and over it it said,

it says, "Wipe your ass

with your hand,

"and when you're done,

put it through this slit,

and it will be licked clean

by human lips."

And I go, "Ugh!"

But it really burned,

so I wiped my hand like this,

and there's the slit,

and I put it through,

and the guy on the other side hits it

with a hammer, and I go, "Mmm! Mmm!"

You know, I miss... I miss

dancing with Kiska.

We use to dance all the time.

Aw.

What kind of dancing?

Oh, waltz. And we'd swing

a little bit. Swing dance.

- Dirty dancin'?

- No. No, No.

- Music.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna get the music.

Come on, Pops. Get up.

We're dancing.

Come up. One, two, three.

All right.

Come on, Pops, show me.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Yeah. What?

I mean, can I talk to you

in private?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

- I got the moves.

- Woo woo!

Sit. Sit, sit, sit.

Remember, I told you about

that teacher

at my school that

I had a crush on?

Daniel Taylor, that asked

me out on a few dates?

- Yeah.

- Well...

We went out a couple of times,

and we connected on this level

I've never connected with

anyone before.

And, Moon, he's got it all.

He's everything I've ever

looked for.

The complete package.

You checked his package?

Of course I checked his package.

It's... It's good?

It's good.

Uh-huh?

Anyway, um, two days ago,

he asked me to get engaged.

So, you're engaged?

Baby, that's great.

- I didn't say yes.

- Wow.

What do you mean? You said no?

No. I said I need some time

to think about it.

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