This Is 40 Page #13

the whole point of a Jew card.

That's right. You can't use

it up, it goes forever.

You know what?

I have to go.

Yeah, great.

What a big surprise.

Bye, Oliver. See you later. See

you in another seven years.

Make sure and say goodbye to the

grandkids who you met today.

You know, nothing I do

is right because of you.

Nothing. No matter how hard I

try, I'm just the a**hole here.

But you know what?

You know what I realized?

It's you. You're the a**hole.

Good luck working that out.

Happy birthday,

and go f*** yourself.

Hey, see you when

the Cubs win the pennant.

I'm gonna go light the candles.

Just get it going, okay?

Maybe we should try the toast again.

You know, can you be quiet?

You just threw

me under the bus.

No, I don't...

You threw me under the...

You threw me under the bus.

We agreed to let go

and forgive,

but then you started ripping

into my dad like a crazy person.

I'm not ripping into your dad.

I'm just saying to him

what you say to me.

Don't be

such a ball-buster.

I am not a ball-buster.

You make me one.

I am a fun girl.

I am fun-loving.

I am a "Good-Time Sally."

I dance hip-hop.

I cannot believe I

have wasted my whole life

busting the balls of

people who have no balls.

I'm the only one

here who has any balls!

God damn it.

Mom?

Mom? What are you doing?

What?

You're smoking,

and in the front yard?

No! No, they're Barb's.

Mom!

Since when have

you been a smoker?

I'm not a smoker.

I thought you said smokers die.

I'm not smoking.

I wasn't smoking.

I saw you.

No, I wasn't.

Mom, you're smoking?

Deb, you can't smoke, you're pregnant.

You've been doing so well.

You're pregnant?

No effing way. I don't

want another sister.

I don't want her as a sister.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

It just slipped out.

Are you pregnant? Since

when are you pregnant?

Since when do you care? You

don't even want another baby.

You have no idea what I want.

I want an Asian baby.

We're not gonna

have an Asian baby.

Yes, We are.

They're not Asian.

Sadie.

We'll buy one.

Shut up, Charlotte.

You shut up.

Shut up, Sadie!

Shut up, Charlotte!

Shut up!

Okay, Sadie, shut up.

Shut up, Charlotte!

Shut up!

Okay, stop saying "shut up"!

You're pregnant?

Since when are you pregnant?

When did you find out?

Will you stop

eating cupcakes, please?

Stop eating cupcakes!

Stop eating cupcakes!

Hey, we just heard.

You're having a baby?

See, it can happen to anybody.

That is so wonderful.

Let me give you a hug.

Fantastic, congratulations.

It's wonderful.

I'm so happy for you.

This is too adult for you.

Let's go outside.

Congratulations.

Well, I guess we're stuck together

then forever then, right?

Weren't we always?

You didn't even want a baby.

Of course I do.

I never said that.

I didn't want one

if I could choose.

I should put that on a Hallmark card.

That's beautiful.

Debbie...

Good luck with

the pregnancy, Debbie.

But please,

take care of yourself.

It's a much riskier

pregnancy after 40.

I'm not 40.

Of course you are.

You were born on

December 5th, 1972.

I'm not 40.

How do you know?

I was there. I'm the one who took

your mother to the hospital.

Well, that's not what she said.

Your mother was in labor

for only about 20 minutes.

You couldn't wait to meet me.

Can you imagine that?

I don't even know you.

You can't just come into

my house and reminisce.

Look, maybe we're just not meant

to be in each other's lives.

I'm not sure this

was such a great idea.

Wait a minute.

Hey, wait a minute!

You did leave and

you didn't come back.

My first life was ruined.

I did my best with my second.

So, I ruined your life?

I was eight.

People do better when I

stay out of their lives!

That's what my son tells me.

You think my

life is so perfect?

I've got a 13-year-old

who's a pothead.

I've got a wife who's

keeping Zoloft alive.

You never said that before.

You don't think I wanna talk to you

about this, to share it with you?

It's just not our way.

We don't talk to each other.

We don't know each other. And I

thought that's the way you wanted it.

How do I get out of this?

How do I get you all to just

help me down off the cross?

You sound just like Sadie.

Who's Sadie?

No, your daughter.

Your younger?

The big one.

Your older. I know, I know that.

A wonderful girl.

Hey, guys,

some of us need to leave.

Would this be a good

moment to sneak out?

Where is Dad going?

Best birthday ever!

Oh, sh*t!

Bike lane, a**hole!

F*** you, you Twilight

pimply-ass motherfuckers!

Your dad's still here.

I know.

It's kind of weird.

Where the hell is Pete?

Um...

Is it okay if Joseph

hangs out here for a while?

Mm-hmm.

Hi, Joseph.

Hi.

Do you want a piece of cake?

Oh! Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

All right, then.

They are so cute.

So cute.

He looks exactly

like Tom Petty.

Go around.

Watch it, watch it!

Hey, Pete! Great party!

Yeah.

The best!

And then we shake it.

And then a restaurant comes up.

Dad, excuse me. I'm gonna

go look for Pete right now.

Would you mind staying with the

girls for just a little bit?

Well, if you want me to.

If you don't mind.

You don't have to.

Sure.

Can I let Sadie show me

the last episode of Lost?

She asked me if I'd

seen it and I haven't.

Yeah, that would be nice.

Thank you.

Thank you.

She said we could watch it.

Come on.

I'm gonna let you

watch Lost. Come on.

Is it scary?

I'll cover your eyes

if it gets too scary.

Are you mad at me?

Did I say something?

Shh. Larry, please.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

You opened your door on me.

I didn't open my f***ing door on you.

I opened my door!

Aw, f***.

I was right there!

You're supposed to look

before you open your door!

I was in a f***ing bike path!

That's a blind spot.

There's no f***ing bike path.

It's a residential section.

Get your head out of your ass.

Pay attention!

Open your goddamn eyes. What

are you doing, sleepwalking?

You're supposed to look to see

if a biker's coming through.

You're supposed to look!

It's not my job to look out for you.

You look out for yourself.

I don't look out for you.

I don't see you.

I don't know where the f***

you are or what you're doing.

No one is ever

looking out for me!

I need your name

and your number.

Why?

Because you're

gonna pay for my door.

F*** you!

Why don't you pay for my bike

and my face, you f***ing prick?

Don't disrespect me.

Are you sure that's him?

I don't think that's him.

I gotta write down

your license plate.

"Range Rover of Sunland."

What are you doing?

Ow.

I guess the party didn't

turn out like you planned.

It wasn't a good party.

Hi.

Hi.

I'll bring you in as soon

as his X-rays are finished.

Okay. Is he okay?

Okay.

Yeah, he has a broken rib and

he's been crying a little bit.

But he'll be fine.

You know, Pete was

never a real fighter.

But that's why he married you.

That's why he loves you.

Because you're the fighter.

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