This Is 40 Page #14

And you need that.

One person in a relationship

has got to punch.

Do you mean that in a good way?

Oh, it's a high compliment.

Thanks.

Listen, I know what

you're worried about.

You think he's

gonna turn into me,

but I don't think

it's gonna happen.

He's smarter and

probably a little cuter.

A little less Jew-y.

Although after 50,

that's all gonna change.

Be prepared to wake up

one day with a rabbi.

But the good news is, you know,

he'll love you forever.

That's in our DNA.

We stick around.

He worries about you, you know.

It puts a lot of

pressure on him.

I know, I just don't have anyone

else to talk to about it.

Why don't you talk to Claire?

If I open up to her,

she'll leave me.

No, she won't.

Mmm.

Larry, she loves you.

I know, but there's a certain point

at which you just can't stay.

I guess it's hard

to forgive somebody

if they don't

formally apologize to you.

Are you apologizing?

I'm very close.

Yes, I'm sorry.

I'm glad everybody's okay.

Okay, thanks.

Oh, thank you.

All right, I'm off.

Okay.

This is awkward.

What?

I need $40 for a cab.

That's funny.

No, I'm not kidding.

Oh, yeah.

You drove me, honey.

I wasn't prepared.

I know.

I only have a hundred.

It's okay.

I'll bring you the change.

All right.

Give him a kiss for me.

I don't get it.

See, it's not sad.

It's happy, because they helped

each other achieve their destiny.

Great. I'm gonna have

some freaky-ass nightmares.

Hi.

Hi.

I really liked our

life so much better

before we tried to

change everything.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I don't want

to keep anything from you.

I love you, you're my wife.

I just didn't

want to let you down.

Are you mad that I'm pregnant?

No. I'm not mad,

I'm thrilled.

You don't feel trapped?

I sometimes feel

like I trapped you.

I don't feel trapped.

Really?

No.

You should,

because I have trapped you.

You can't go anywhere.

I'm gonna get you pregnant every 10

years for the rest of your life.

You can never leave me. Ever.

I never feel trapped by you.

I'm so happy to be with you

and I love you so much.

You're my favorite person

in the whole world.

God damn it, why am

I crying like this?

Something is wrong with me.

You're pregnant.

Oh, yeah.

Sh*t.

I was just outside telling

your dad that I liked him.

What if he

thinks I like him now?

No, he won't think that.

I don't want him to think

I like him that much.

No, it will never happen.

Can you believe it? This is

the craziest thing ever.

What are we gonna do

with a third baby?

I have no idea.

How are we going to afford it?

We'll sell the house.

We don't have to.

We kind of do.

We kind of do.

We'll make new memories

in a new house.

I love you.

Is there anything you want

to do for your birthday?

It's been the worst

birthday ever.

There is one thing, but I

don't think you'll like it.

What?

I wouldn't mind going to see some music.

Would you want to do that?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't believe you, but

you're sweet for saying that.

How do we break

you out of here?

I can just leave on my own volition.

It's not a mental institution.

Can you?

Yes.

It's not like One Flew

Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Please don't put

a pillow over my face.

Let's get outta here, McMurphy.

You got it, Chief.

Will you carry me?

You've been carrying me

all this time.

Thanks.

I like this song.

Really?

Why?

Why don't you sign him?

Ryan Adams?

No, he wouldn't sign with me.

Why not? You're the best.

He is in between labels.

Let's go try and talk

to him after the show.

Thank you.

I'm sorry if I'm not all

fancy pants and wealthy

and showing it all off with

my Vidal Sassoon haircuts.

Sorry.

Quit slow-blinking at me.

I'm sorry.

Okay...

I would like to rear

up and jackknife my legs

and kick you both in the

f***ing jaw with my foot bone.

That's what I

would f***ing love.

I wish my f***ing foot would

go right through your skull.

This is what happens

when you corner a rat.

I will f***ing kill you.

You corner me, I will

f***ing chew through you.

I'll chew through you!

Slow-blinking eyes. I will

chew off your f***ing eyelids.

You won't slow-blink

at me, will you?

Did you drink

before you came here?

No, but I'm gonna

start drinking.

I'm gonna slit somebody open like

a fish and drink their blood.

That's what I'm gonna drink

if we don't start getting

to the f***ing point here.

Probably I'm gonna start

with Karen Carpenter's head.

I'm gonna rip her head off

and I'm gonna drink her blood.

And then I'm gonna come back

and light you on fire.

I'm gonna light

you all on fire.

But I'm gonna

start with you, Jill.

I'm gonna f***ing torch you.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna

go buy a f***ing pickup truck.

And a cord of rope.

And I'm gonna string it around

all three of your f***ing necks

and then drive

around town, dragging you.

That's what I'm

gonna f***ing do.

That's completely uncalled for.

Really, Jill?

Do you think it is?

F*** off, Jill. God,

everybody f***ing hates you.

God!

That isn't even nice.

Go suck a big

f***ing dick, Jill.

That's totally

uncalled for, Catherine.

You're a f***ing a**hole.

Everybody hates you.

They hate your f***ing bob.

And I'm glad your husband died.

Because you're a f***ing a**hole.

He probably killed himself.

I would. Kill myself.

God, I'd kill myself, Jill.

Cut!

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