This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse': The XXX Parody Page #2

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there is nothing to worry about.

Listen to you.

Did you lie to get her out of town, too?

You should leave.

Now.

She has a right to know.

She is the one the red-head wants.

Victoria?

Alices's vision.

- I was trying to protect you.

By lying to me.

Okey. We're gonna talk about this, but...

You.

Why haven't you called me back?

I had nothing to say.

Well, I have tons. Hold on.

- Hey.

Bella.

Edward, you have to trust me.

- I do trust you.

It's him I don't trust.

Lose the grin, Jacob.

We're just going for a ride.

Hold on tight.

Are you sure,

this is a good idea?

I'm a 'vampire girl',

remember?

Look who's back.

- Whatup, Bella?

Quil, you too?

- Yep. Finally made the pack.

I'm glad you're here, Bella.

Maybe we can get a break from

Jake's obsessive inner monologue.

'I wish Bella would call'.

'I wish Bella wouldn't call'.

- 'Maybe I should call Bella'.

'Maybe I should call Bella and hang up'.

Alright, you can shut up now.

Bella, this is Leah Clearwater.

Harry's daughter.

Hey.

I'm really sorry about your father.

If you're here to torture Jacob

some more, feel free to leave.

Fun, isn't she?

Bella... Hi.

- Hey.

I was wondering when we'd see

your face around here again.

Yeah, same here.

Sam, we're good?

We're good. She won't be getting

through our line anytime soon.

So, when did Leah joined the pack?

Around when her Dad died.

Her brother Seth, also phased.

He's only fifteen.

One of the youngest we've had.

Sam keeps him home studying,

but he's chomping at the bit.

Wish it was Leah who'd stay home.

Come on,

don't be such a guy.

No, it's... It's not a chick thing.

It's... You know, a triangle thing.

We all have to live

the Leah, Sam, Emily pain-fest.

Wolf telepathy, remember?

So, Sam dumps Leah for Emily?

It wasn't like that.

Sam hates himself for hurting Leah.

But, Emily was The One.

Yeah, I guess it's sort of

chooses you sometimes.

It's more than some crush, Bella.

Sam imprinted on Emily.

Do I want to know what that is?

Imprinting on someone is like...

Like when you see her,

everything changes.

All of a sudden, it's not

gravity holding you to the planet.

It's her.

Nothing else matters.

You would do anything...

Be anything for her.

It sounds like you know the feeling.

Have you...

imprinted on someone?

You'd know if I had.

I just have a direct line to Sam's thoughts.

So for now, you're...

still you.

And you're still you.

- Yeah.

Until graduation.

graduation?

You knew this was gonna happen.

Not in a month.

I mean, not before you've...

you've even lived.

Or before I could...

For a second, just a second,

I thought...

But he's got his hooks in you so deep.

I decided this, not him.

- Bella, they're not even a live.

It makes me sick.

Better you really be dead than one of them.

I can't believe you said that.

Edward was right,

I shouldn't have come.

Bella, come on.

Please.

I'm sorry.

You know...

Edward could at least respect meal times.

I was just with Jake.

Oh...

Good.

I'll just give you two some privacy then.

Hey.

Do you understand how worried I've been?

I was perfectly safe.

I almost break the treaty to make sure of it.

I know, I smell like a dog. I'm sorry.

- No, no. Something's wrong.

Edward, what's wrong?

- Someone's been in here.

Who was it?

Someone we know?

Just a stranger.

I didn't recognize his scent.

A nomad passing through?

A passer-by wouldn't have left

Bella's father alive.

His scent disappeared about five miles

south of Bella's house.

Someone's orchestrating this.

- Victoria?

I would've seen her deciding.

- It has to be the Volturi.

I don't think it's the Volturi either.

I've been watching Aro's decisions, too.

So we keep looking.

We also take shifts,

guarding Bella at her house.

A nother protection detail?

- Rosalie.

No, she's right.

You can't protect me,

watch my dad...

...and search for the intruder.

And for Victoria.

- And keep yourselves fed.

I'm not leaving you here defenseless.

Well, I'm not gonna let you starve.

And I wouldn't be unprotected,

I have...

What?

Whoever it was,

he left his stink behind.

It'll be hard to miss when we cross it again.

We'll handle it from here.

- We don't need you to handle anything.

Or anyone.

- I could care less what you need.

Alright, we're done here.

No, you're done here.

- Stop.

I'm tired of this.

From now on I'm Switzerland, Okay?

Edward hated the idea,

but it wasn't about rivalry anymore.

It was about my safety,

and Charlie's.

In the days that followed

I got them to at least try to work together.

The wolves took over

so the Cullen's can hunt.

It wasn't exactly an easy alliance.

Doesn't he own a shirt?

I'm good here,

you should go.

I'm not gonna be going long.

- Don't rush. You need to hunt.

Maybe you rush a little bit.

Hey, beautiful.

- Hi.

So, whaddaya wanna do today?

Bike, hike, hang?

Your call.

Or we're going to a party tonight.

You sure this is okay?

I really hate being a party crasher.

Technically,

you're a Council Meeting crasher.

See. The Council leaders,

Dad, Quil's grandpa, and Sue Clearwater.

She took over for Harry when he died.

Okay, I should not be here.

You're okay.

I thought...

I mean, they thought it would be

good for you to hear the histories.

The histories? The tribe's histories?

Aren't they secret?

We all got a role to play.

And you're a part of this.

I mean, it's the first time Seth,

Leah and Quil are hearing them, too.

But you are the first outsider.

Ever.

If I haven't known that,

I wouldn't believe you.

And would've dressed better.

- Jake.

Hey.

- It's about time, you got here.

Paul's been hoovering the grub.

But, I saved you some burgers.

Good looking out, Bro.

Bella, this is Seth Clearwater,

Leah's brother.

Newest member of the pack.

- Newest, bestest, brightest.

And slowest.

Come on. Your dad's about to start.

- Alright.

The Quileutes have been a small tribe

from the beginning...

But we've always had magic in our blood.

We were great spirit warriors...

Shape shifters,

that transform into the powerful wolf.

This enabled us to scare off our enemies,

and protect our tribe.

One day our warriors

came across a creature...

It looked like a man,

but it was hard like stone,

and cold as ice...

Our warriors' sharp teeth,

finally tore it apart...

But only fire would completely destroy it.

They lived in fear,

the Cold Man was not alone.

And they were right.

She took her vengeance out on the village.

Our elder chief,

Taha Aki,

was the only spirit warrior left

to save the tribe,

after his son was killed.

Taha Aki's Third Wife could sees

that he would lose...

The Third Wife was no magical being,

no special powers, but one...

Courage.

The Third Wife's sacrifice

distracted the Cold Woman,

long enough for Taha Aki to destroy her.

She saved the tribe.

Over time,

our enemies have disappeared.

But one remains...

The Cold Ones.

Our magic awakens when they near.

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