This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse': The XXX Parody Page #3

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And we sense it now,

we feel the threat in our blood.

Something terrible is coming.

And we must all be ready.

All of us.

What did you do to me?

I'm so...

- Yeah, I know...

We'll find you someone to drink.

Just try not to get killed,

will you?

I'm gonna need numbers.

Seattle is in a state of terror...

Police are baffled by the

escalating murders and disappearances.

Theories range from a vicious new gang

to a wildly active serial killer...

Reporting live, Dawn Chubai. CNN.

- It's getting worse.

We're going to have to do something.

It takes more than one of our kind

to cause the damage they're reporting.

Quite a few more.

They're undisciplined, conspicuous...

It's a Newborns.

What, like new vampires?

In their first few months after the change.

That's when we're at our most

uncontrollable,

vicious, insane with thirst.

Something to look forward to.

No one has trained these newborns,

but this isn't random.

Someone's creating an army.

Oh, now we definitely going to Seattle.

An Army of vampires?

And they've been created to fight someone.

We're the only clan even close to Seattle.

Regardless,

of who are they were may,

if we don't put a stop to them,

the Volturi will.

I'm surprised they've let it go on this long.

Maybe they're behind it.

In Italy,

I read Aro's mind...

He wants me and Alice to join him...

He knows we'd never choose him

as long as our family is still alive.

An army could solve that for him.

Hey.

Did you eat dinner yet?

Um... no...

I haven't.

This kid Riley Biers,

disappeared over a year ago.

And his poor parents been papering

Seattle with these things ever since.

You think they should just give up?

I wouldn't.

If it were you...

Not ever.

I have to figure out what to tell people...

Whu I won't be home for Christmases.

Why I won't visit.

Why they'll never see me again.

After a few decades,

everyone you know will be dead.

Problem solved.

Why are you so against me

becoming like you?

I've told you.

Be honest with me.

There's more.

I know the consequences,

of this choice you're making.

I've lived through it,

and to let you suffer that.

You believe I have a soul...

I don't.

But to risk yours, just for the sake

of never having to lose you.

It's the most selfish thing I'll ever do.

I thought, maybe you were afraid

that I'll be too different.

Unlike. I won't be, you know...

warm.

And won't smell the same.

You'll always be my Bella.

My Bella, just less fragile.

Gosh, it's so pretty here.

So, Alice is planning a big graduation party.

Which you're invited to.

Yeah,

I figured that.

What?

I just wanted to do this differently.

Smoother.

But now, I'm out of time.

To what?

You need to hear the truth,

Bella.

Understand all your options.

You need to know...

That I'm in love with you.

And I want you to choose me,

instead of him.

I thought you understood.

I don't feel that way for you.

- I don't buy it.

What don't you buy?

That's how I feel.

You feel something else for me,

you just won't admit it.

So I'm not giving up.

I'm gonna fight for you.

Until your heart stops beating.

Well, then you're not gonna have

to fight for long.

You're rushing into it because

you're afraid you'll change your mind.

No, I'm not.

I know what I want.

You wouldn't have to change for me, Bella.

Or say goodbye to anybody.

I can give you more than him.

I mean, he probably can't even

kiss you without hurting you.

Feel that?

Flesh and blood and warmth.

Edward.

If you ever touch her against her will again.

Don't do this.

- She's not sure what she wants.

Don't do this.

- Well, let me give you a clue.

Wait for her to say the words.

- Fine. And she will.

Jacob. Just go, okay.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey...

Easy guys, easy.

Let's take it down a notch. Alright?

What's going on?

I kissed Bella.

And she broke her hand...

Punching my face.

Total misunderstanding.

It's just a sprain,

should heal fairly quickly.

Trying to walk and chew gum

at the same time again, Bella?

I punched a werewolf in the face.

- Bad ass...

You're gonna be one tough little newborn.

Tough enough to take you on.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, any Leads?

No sign of the intruder. But Victoria

continues to make appearances.

Go blather to someone else

about the joys of becoming a newborn.

Okay.

Rosalie...

I don't understand what I did,

to make you hate me so much.

I don't hate you.

I don't particularly like you,

but...

Bella, I envy you.

- What?

That's ridiculous.

- No, it's not.

You have a choice.

I didn't.

None of us did. But you do,

and you're choosing wrong.

I don't care how miserable

your human life is.

My life is not miserable.

It's not perfect,

but nobody's life is perfect.

Mine was.

Absolutely perfect.

Everything as I still wanted.

To be married,

with a nice house and a husband...

...to kiss me when he came home.

A family of my own.

Royce King was

the most eligible bachelor in town.

I barely knew him.

But I was young.

I was in love with the idea of love.

On the last night of my life,

I left a friend's house late.

I wasn't far from home.

- Here she is.

Hey, Rose.

Come over here.

Here, hold this.

Hey, come over here.

We've been waiting for you.

Here she is

Royce.

You're drunk.

Isn't she lovely, John?

I told you she was a looker.

It's hard to say with all those clothes on.

What do you say, Rose?

Why don't we take off a few layers?

Stop it....

I'll see you tomorrow.

Sober.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Stop it. Just stop it. Let go. Stop it.

- Comeback. Hey, you'll do as I say.

They left me in the street,

thinking I was dead.

Believe me, I wanted to be.

Carlisle found me,

he smelled all the blood...

Thought he was helping me.

- I'm sorry.

I got my revenge on them.

One at a time.

I saved Royce for last,

so he'd know I was coming.

I was a little theatrical back then.

Things got better after I found Emmett.

But we'll always be this.

Frozen,

never moving forward.

That's what I miss the most,

the possibilities.

Sitting on a front porch somewhere,

Emmett gray haired by my side,

surrounded by our grandchildren,

their laughter.

I understand,

that's what you want.

But there's nothing

I'll ever gonna want, more...

...than Edward.

You're wrong again.

After you've been changed,

there's one thing you'll want more...

One thing you'll kill for...

Blood.

What did I say,

about low profile?

Something's coming...

Something...

Bigger than any of us alone.

And if you can't...

...control yourselves...

We're all going to die.

What's done is done,

just...

...clean up after yourselves.

They've already drawn too much attention.

So has our 'inaction'.

Others may begin to question

the Volturi's effectiveness.

Let them.

Maybe we should consult with Aro.

Aro's decisions are being watched.

We must decide.

Then decide sister.

It's time.

Yes, it is.

Either we let them do

what they were created for...

Or we end them.

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