This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon': The XXX Parody Page #2

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You couldn't, it's impossible.

Thank you, Bella.

You always been very...

...gracious about us.

So, that's it?

That's why he won't change me?

Imagine the situation in reverse.

If you believed as Edward does...

...would you take away his soul?

You can't protect me.

From everything.

At some point,

something's gonna separate us.

It's gonna be an accident,

...or illness,

...or old age.

As long as I'm human.

And the only solution

is to change me.

That's not a solution,

it's a tragedy.

You're not gonna love me

when I look like a grandmother.

Bella, do you not understand

my feelings for you? No?

Carlisle told me...

...how you feel about your soul.

I don't believe that.

So don't worry about mine.

You should go inside.

It's still my birthday.

Can I ask one thing?

Kiss me?

I love you.

I love you.

Hi.

Come for a walk with me.

We got to leave Forks.

Why?

Carlisle's supposed to be

ten years older than he looks.

People are starting to notice.

Okay, I...

I gotta think of something

to say to Charlie.

When you say "we"...

I mean to my family and myself.

Edward, what happened with Jasper,

...it's nothing.

- You're right.

It was nothing.

Nothing the way

I always expected.

And nothing compared to

what could have happened.

You just don't belong

to my world, Bella.

I belong with you.

No, you don't.

I'm coming.

Bella.

I don't want you to come.

You don't want me?

No.

This changes things.

alright.

But if it's not

too much to ask...

...can you at least

promise me something?

Don't do anything reckless.

For Charlie's sake.

And I'll promise something

to you in return.

This is the last time

you'll ever see me.

I won't come back.

And you can go on

with your life...

...without any interference from me.

It will be like...

I never existed,

I promise.

If this is about my soul, take it.

I don't want without you.

- It's not about your soul.

You're just not good for me.

I'm not good enough for you?

I'm just sorry,

I let this go on for so long.

Please...

...don't.

Goodbye.

Edward?

Edward!

Edward!

I'll try to call Cullens place again.

The Cullens left town, Charlie.

- Good riddance!

Where did they go?

We'll find her, Charlie.

- Thanks, Harry.

Charlie?

She's alright.

I got her.

Thank you, Sam.

Alice,

...you have disappeared.

Like everything else.

But who else can I talk to?

I'm lost.

When you left...

and he left...

You took everything with you.

But the absence of him

is everywhere I look...

It's like a huge hole...

...has been punched through my chest.

But in a way I'm glad.

The pain is my only reminder that

he was real...

...that you all were.

alright, that's it.

What?

You're going to Jacksonville

to live with your mother.

I'm not leaving Forks.

Bells...

...he's not coming back.

I know.

It's just not normal,

this behavior.

Quite frankly, it's scaring

the hell outta me,

...and you Mother.

Baby, I... I don't want you to leave.

I don't.

But... just go...

Go to Jacksonville,

make some new friends...

I like my old friends.

- Well, you never see them anymore.

I do, yeah.

I'm...

...gonna go shopping tomorrow,

with Jessica.

You hate shopping.

I...

I need a girl's night out.

alright.

Girl's night.

Shopping.

I like it, go.

Buy some good stuff.

Hi, Jessica, it's Bella.

Oh, yeah, Bella Swan.

I don't know, why you wanna sit through

all those zombies eating people,

...and no hot guys kissing anybody.

It's gross.

Like why there are

so many zombie movies anyway?

Is it supposed to like

draw a parallel with leprosy?

My cousin had leprosy,

it's not funny, you know?

And like is it supposed to be

a metaphor for consumerism?

Because don't be so pleased with

your own like...

...self-reverential cleverness, you know?

Like, some girls like to shop.

Not all girls, apparently.

I was surprised

you called at all, you know?

Like, your depression thing.

I'm totally... totally worried.

After a while, it's like,

she's still bumming?

And I'm going through

stuff too, you know?

Like Mike deciding

he wanted to "I just be friends? "

That's hard, you know?

What's up, guys?

Where you going?

Keep walking.

This is dangerous.

Dude, come on.

I think, I know those guys.

Well, they seem great.

Can we go?

I just need to see something.

Hey, girlie!

alright, alright!

We got a taker.

Turn around.

Sorry, I thought

you were somebody else.

That's cool! I'll be whomever

you want to be, honey.

So, what do you say?

You promised me nothing reckless.

You promised, it would as

you never existed.

You lied.

- Say some, babe?

You know what?

Never mind.

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Hey, um, what the hell is

wrong with you?

Just curious.

I thought that I saw something.

You're insane, actually.

Or suicidal.

That homeboy

could have been a psycho.

I was about to end up

in a FBI interview room,

...like some lame TV show.

Oh, that was such a rush.

Awesome!

So, you're an adrenaline junky now?

That's cool!

You can go bungee jumping.

You don't get on the back of some

random loser's motorcycle!

Crazy!

Alice, I saw him.

Maybe I'm crazy now,

but I guess that's okay.

If the rush of danger is

what it takes to see him...

...then that's what I'll find.

Bella!

Where the hell have you been, crazy?

I... brought you something.

- Okay.

It's a little crazy.

Wow, scrap metal!

You shouldn't have.

- I saved them from the junkyard.

I think, they'll probably cost

more to fix than they're worth.

...but then I thought that...

if I had a mechanic-type friend

to help me out,

Huh, me?

Being the mechanic-type friend?

- That's right.

Since when are you into motorcycles?

- Since now.

I get it if you think this is

really stupid and reckless.

Yeah, it's completely

stupid and reckless.

When do we start?

Now. Please.

- alright.

Oh, hey, be careful.

These things are actually really...

...heavy. So,

Jacob, you're like buff.

How that can happen?

You're like 16, I don't get it.

Age is just a number, baby.

What, you're like 40, now?

Feels like that sometimes.

That song was good.

You don't like it?

I don't really like...

...music anymore kind of...

Okay.

No more music.

I was thinking,

if we're gonna do this everyday,

...and hopefully we will...

We have to, like, fit some homework

in there somewhere.

I don't want Billy thinking that

I'm a bad influence on you.

You influence me?

Please.

Are you...?

I'm older than you.

So that makes me the influencer

and you the influence.

No, no, no.

My size and knowledge base actually

makes me older than you.

Because of your gentle paleness

and lack of know-how.

I convinced you to build

two-wheeled death machines with me.

Don't you think that makes

you funny, young and naive?

Okay.

So, where do we stand?

I'm thirty five...

...and you might be like 32.

- Come on.

Yo, Jake, you in there?

- No, it's okay.

It's... It's just my boys.

Hey, Jake.

- Hey. Guys, this is Bella.

Bella, that's Quil and Embry.

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