This Isn't the Help - It's a XXX Spoof Page #3

---

I'm listening.

Margaret Mitchell glorified

the mammy figure,

who dedicates her whole life

to a white family.

But nobody ever asked Mammy

how she felt about it.

So, a side to this never before heard?

Yes.

'Cause nobody ever really

talks about it down here.

Skeeter, who are you

talking to in there?

Go away!

- Who was that?

- My mother.

Look.

No maid in her right mind is ever gonna

tell you the truth.

That's a hell of a risk to take in

a place like Jackson, Mississippi.

I already have a maid.

Really? A Negro maid has already agreed

to speak with you?

Yes, ma'am.

Well... I guess I can read

what you come up with.

The book biz could use

a little rattling.

Thank you, Miss Stein.

Hey, hey, hey, all I'm saying

is that I'll let you know

if it's even worth pursuing.

And for God's sake, you're

a 23-year-old educated woman.

Go get yourself an apartment.

"Dear Miss Myrna:

When I'm chopping onions, how do I

keep tears out of my eyes?"

Shoot, that's easy. You tell

her hold a matchstick between her teeth.

Is it lit?

No, ma'am.

Miss Leefolt said

you could start right away.

Build it just like the bathroom

at my house. Let's see.

- Right there. That will be nice.

- Yes, ma'am.

My goodness, we got to run back

to the car. Come on.

Bye, Skeeter!

Aibileen.

There's something else I want to

write about. I would need your help.

I want to interview you about

what it's like to work as a maid.

I'd like to do a book of interviews

about working for white families.

And we could show what it's like

to work for, say, Elizabeth?

You know what Miss Leefolt do to me if

she knew I was telling stories on her?

I was thinking that we wouldn't

have to tell her.

The other maids would have

to keep it a secret, too.

Other maids?

I was hoping to get four or five.

To show what it's really like

in Jackson.

Show what y'all get paid,

and the babies and the bathrooms.

The good and the bad.

I bought you this damn house.

I put up with your new clothes

and trips to New Orleans,

but this takes the goddamn cake.

Hilly spoke to the surgeon general,

and she also said it'll add value

to our home.

I guess Mae Mobley can go to college

in that damn bathroom!

Hilly's covering the cost and said

you could just do William's taxes

to pay her back.

We don't take orders

from the Holbrooks.

Skeeter, how you doing?

Fine.

Fix me a sandwich, Aibileen.

Aibileen, Mae Mobley's

crying her eyes out.

Skeeter.

I'm sorry, but I think it's best

if you leave now.

Oh, sure, sure.

And this Miss Myrna thing isn't going

to work out with Aibileen.

I'm sorry.

You're making it hotter,

flapping your arms like that, Minny.

Look how big the waves are, Minny.

Let's go to the beach.

Run, get Mr. Walters!

He loves riding these waves!

You know we went to Biloxi

on our honeymoon?

Yes, ma'am.

Are we in Biloxi, Minny?

No, ma'am. We ain't.

Why don't you sit down here for a spell.

And then me and you will go on down

to the beach in a little while.

How about that?

Uh...

Miss Hilly?

Mm-hm?

Never mind.

You go on ahead and use

the inside bath, Minny, it's all right.

Oh, for crying out loud,

it's just a little rain.

She can go on up and get an umbrella

from William's study.

I believe she was working for me

before you dragged us both here.

Daddy ruined you.

I'm just gonna get your tea.

Minny?

Minny, are you in there?

Yes, ma'am.

And just what are you doing?

Get off my toilet!

You are fired, Minny Jackson!

Go on!

Eighteen people

died in Jackson that day.

Ten white and eight black.

God don't pay no mind to color once

He decide to set a tornado loose.

Aibee's here, honey.

Aibee's here.

Hurry, Aibileen! Mae Mobley

is up, and I'm off to the doctor!

That's Aibee's bathroom, Mama.

Hey, Aibee!

No, no, no, honey.

Promise me you won't go in there, OK?

Yes, ma'am.

I'm right here, Baby Girl.

Isn't it so nice

to have your own, Aibileen?

Yes, ma'am.

You're my real mama, Aibee.

- Is that Minny?

- Minny.

Hey, Aibileen!

Hey, Minny!

Mm-hmm.

Where you headed?

I got some business to tend to,

so y'all just mind your own.

All right, then. Well, bye!

Bye!

Now is she mad at me 'cause I got

that job at Miss Hilly's?

Don't worry about her.

She always mad about something.

Aibileen.

Yes, ma'am. Everything OK?

Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you.

You got some more

Miss Myrna questions for me?

Oh, no, I just wanted to talk about...

We never finished our conversation

at Elizabeth's.

About that book I want to write?

I'd really like

to interview you, Aibileen.

I know it's scary.

They set my cousin

Shinelle's car on fire,

just 'cause she went down

to the voting station.

A book like this has never

been written before.

'Cause there's a reason.

I do this with you, I might as well

burn my own house down.

I promise we'll be careful.

This already ain't careful,

Miss Skeeter!

You not knowing that is what's

scaring me the most.

Scare me more than Jim Crow.

All right.

Here's my phone number.

- My car's here. I could take you home.

- No, ma'am.

"No person shall

require any white female

to nurse in wards or rooms

in which Negro men are placed.

Books shall not be interchangeable

between the white and colored schools,

but shall continue to be used

by the race first using them.

No colored barber shall serve as

a barber to white women or girls.

Any person printing, publishing

or circulating written matter

urging for public acceptance or social

equality between whites and Negroes

is subject to imprisonment. "

Hello?

Aibileen, I done went and did it now.

I went to Miss Hilly's house

this afternoon.

Why Minny?

She done told every white woman

in town I'm a thief

Said I stole a candelabra.

But I got her back.

What you did?

I can't tell you.

I ain't telling nobody.

I done something terrible awful

to that woman,

and now she know what I done.

Sorry.

Minny.

She got what she deserved, Aibileen.

But now I ain't gonna never get

no job again.

Oh, Lord, Leroy gonna kill me.

Leroy?

What you done did now, Minny?

- Get off that phone, woman!

- Leroy, please!

Minny? Minny!

Please! Please!

Come here!

Please open your Bibles to Exodus.

Chapter four, verse ten.

God, having asked Moses

to free the Israelites...

...Moses answered:

"Oh, my Lord. I am not eloquent.

I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. "

See, courage isn't just

about being brave.

Amen!

Courage is daring to do what is right

in spite of the weakness of our flesh.

And God tells us,

commands us, compels us,

- to love. Amen?

- Amen.

See, love,

as exemplified

by our Lord Jesus Christ,

is to be prepared to put yourself

in harm's way

for your fellow man.

And by your fellow man,

I mean your brother,

your sister, your neighbor,

your friend and your enemy.

If you can love your enemy,

you already have the victory.

Let's stand. All right.

Quick. Come quick.

I parked way up on State Street and

caught a cab here, like you asked.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote